There she goes

She was not herself on the Thursday night. Quiet and timid was just so not her. So I thought there was something wrong with her.

On Friday, she was weak but still reacting to me, purring when I stroked her. But she did not jump on me like she usually did. I tried to feel her body, if there's any sign of fever but none. Instead her ears felt so cold, so does her body. I tried to pinch the skin at the back of her neck. It stayed there, didn't get back to its usual position. A sign of dehydration. Not good, I thought.

So I started to give her the usual remedy. 100 plus with vitagen natural flavour. That always does the trick. I did that every few hours, and sometimes I alternate it with plain water. Oh, she tried to escape and managed to give me few scars but that would not make stop. I told her

"Come on love, I know you have 9 lives"
And she purred.

On Saturday I was not home and so does the rest of my family member. Every one was busy so she was left all alone. When I got home, she was no where to be found. I searched high and low for her. Was so worried. Please don't tell me she.. Then suddenly she came out from I don't know where, still weak.

My heart jumped in joy.

She was no more purring no matter how hard I hugged her and no matter how many time I kissed her.

Forced her to accept some kitten food since kitten food is softer but she refused. But she made me mile when she voluntarily drink water from the cup I gave to her.

Hey, I thought. She will be alright.

Today, my boss dragged me and her to the vet. I was not ready to go to the vet because I secretly think vet is somehow act like the grim reaper. Most of the time, the victims [from my family] will not survive after meeting up with vets. I was not ready to let go.

During the check up, I refused to go in with her. Oh, my heart is so fragile. It could break anytime, so I opted to wait outside. Praying that she will be ok.

As I was alone, trying not to think to much, somehow I have the feeling that today might be the last day I get to see her.

"So how is she". That's me asking the moment my boss gets out from the vet room.
"She is going to stay here for few days".

Paused.

"But she is unlikely to survive".

Unlikely to survive.

I know what that means. I heard it several times.

At 6.10, received a call from the vet.

She was diagnosed with kidney failure.

She did not make it.

Mahagony is gone. The brown manja mahagony.

I can't tell you how much tears I wasted today. As weird as it may sound, I feel that I lost a family member.

Without her, the house will never be the same again.

I love you gegeny. Kakak really do. I am sorry for not always layan you but kakak wants you to know, tonight my night feel weird because when I watched tv, there's no one to jump on kakak lap and manja-manja.

I miss you already.

Rest in peace my love. One day, I shall kiss you again, like I always do.