Tata 2003

Today..31st Dec is my brother's b'day.
happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to aie..
happy birthday to uuu!!muackks(he will smack me if this really happens to him)

Finally 2003 had come to it's end.Tomorrow 2004 awaits perhaps with new hope and new joy?
I wish..

So many things happen during 2003..Friends come and go but the biggest thing is..losing a guy who i've been attached with for 6 years..When i look back i didn't know how i finally lost my grip and let go.6 years are quite long period..but i never regret..never..because he and the relationship it self tought me lots of things in life..how to love,to share,to tolerate..and how to face the world.Even though we couldn't make all our dreams together come true but i still wish him all the best..may he find the right gurl for him..may he be happy and all the best things that could happen in this world.
Ehe,i promise my beau not to write about this anymore but hunny,kasik canla..this is the end of the year..after this there will be no more heart aching story..should open a new book.

and 2003 also had see me beaing back to my old self again..i started partying and get whatever-a-party-girl-shoul-do after abandoning it for quite long time..and i must say..i still enjoy it..but huhu..that's not a positive side..i should not be doing that..and yes, perhaps i might forget about my party life next year..

2003..Iraq was under attack..millions of people died..innocent people..Saddam hussien was captured..truly sad..Many might be happy on hearing it but i and other minority side wept..Perhaps..during 2004,civilized people will fully and truly understand the meaning of civilization and not just saying they did.

Malaysia gain new PM..Tun Dr.Mahathir eventually let go of his tittle..quite sad for me also.I do admire him(i know some don't).He had done good job for this country.I hope the new PM will do the same.And i without doubt feel that he will :)

2004..i'll be graduating next year..what will happen to me..will i manage to find a job?will i manage to keep my guy?(just kidding hunny,hehe)..will still be a bimbo in people eyes?ahh..to complicated to think..all i can say is..

let see..shall we?

+goodbye my friend
it's not the end+

Rave is on

and it is holiday..the best bit is i didn't knew that i am having my semester break..no wonder there are less people at the uni.Ah..when will i start to care about my life?humm..

i had a long convesation last night about life and love..how it should to be..and it hurt me the most to realize that i have been hurting the person who tried to value me in his life.And yes..he is a softie..hehe..

There will be a rave party for New Year..and the question is..should i go or should i not?My heart say..Gooo..go..goooo..but my mind say err..u will have to sleep the whole day the day after that..it will be tiring..A rave party..thinking of it make me excited already..will be full of people loosing control and colouful lights..ahhhhh..my last rave party was back 2 years ago..tgkla mcmana nanti..

talking about new year..made few new years resolution..should be fulfill slowly not once in a time..

# stop consuming whatever is bad for my body
#less partying..less wasted
#care about my love ones..not my ex love one
#be a good muslim
#take life more seriously

and these are the things that i should keep

#love my life
#have respect for people

hmm..if there any new things i'll add it up to the list..

Extremist

warning:this entry might contain psycho element..i meant to write this for someone who i wish would understand

"U are an extremist"

well i guess i am..perhaps i am rebellious..ah..i think that's the most suitable word to describe me.

Urm..For some X-files reason i never fail to throw my tantrum whenever my bf want to head back to his own shelter..i want him all for my self..ok..ok..my fault..i am selfish..and greedy..God will pay me back..i know but i can't help it..I told him..i came in package..

chics' package(package A++)

1.Tame..(though he said i am the jinak-jinak merpati one).
2.crybaby
3.self centered.
4.caring
5.selfish
6.childish
7.loving

or maybe u could choose chics' package B
1.hostile
2.vile
3.bad mouth biatch
4.whatever
5.party animal
6.er..flirtious??

and he said..i shouldn't come by package..Hello..that's me..remember??
He said i should change..should i?Would i be happy if i change??maybe it's more like..he would be happy if i change..it's for the sake of our relationship he might say..ahahahah..BITE ME!

i want to watch a movie with my friend..a guy friend..is there any problem with that?Watching a movie means watch a movie and not snogging..so i dun see any reason why he should be mad at me..and i feel like watching a movie now and it happen that he is suppose to be working now..so go to work and i go and watch a movie with my friend..is that a problem..

and by saying that "i dun want to see u today" means i want to have my own time chill out so i dun be that selfish biatch and let u have ur own time..it doesn't mean that i hate u or i dun love u..i just want to have my own time..

I am an extremist..a rebellious..i am stubborn..i am a psychopath..ia biatch..a pain in the ass..despite all that..WHY R U STILL IN LOVE WITH ME?

+Love me..love me..said that u love me
Fool me..fool me..come on and fool me..+

Hohohoho

Merry X'mas to all my friends who celebrate christmas..I went back yesterday since it was a holiday..got nuthing to do beside cooking and sleeping with mum..Dad was not home..mom siad he went to work..ehe..what the hell was he doing working on every public holiday?erm..whatever..

i was so damned bored..and so i called my ex since i missed him so much but then i regret it.I missed him lately and i just can't get him out of my head.Even when my bf is around i still keep thinking about him.Somehow my bf knew that he failed to get a grip at my heart and i know he was upset.So i called my ex hoping it can cured my thought to him but instead we when around and around at old things..things that can make me mad..And it make me realize that I AM MISSING A PERSON WHO IS NOT THERE..not even close..i missed the old raja muazam shah who i used to fall in love with..the one with respect to people and full of love..not hatred and big ego like a man he is now..Maybe when u reach a certain point in your life,when u have a good job, a good pay and gain people respect it will change u.that's what happen to him.Money and power changed him completely.It hurted me a lot..i admit i still love him and missed him but hearing he say such undiscerning words about me and my life..couldn't stop my tears from flowing down.I should listen to my bf at the first place..I should not call him anymore or even think about him..and maybe still keeping in touch with him as a good friend is a very bad idea after all..I should perish him like i buried my other exes even i love him the most..

I know it is quite impossible but hey, a girl gotto do what a girl gotto do.My happiness does not only lie in being with him..he is not the only person who loves me as i do but i also have a loving boyfriend now and sadly..i didn't return his love back as the way he did to me..I mistreated him just because some guy who i used to adore.

MY ex..u might be happy to hear that i cried yesterday..
u might be happy thinking that u hurted me back..
nevermind to that..
maybe i desrved to be treated that way..
but next time..please dun call me anymore
coz it only make me bleed more..

"Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby


And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight"

Today..i feel refreshed..i won't lie saying that id din't even think a bit about my ex..but whenever my mind start to flicker around him..i will quickly divert it over..to something else..
maybe that's the way..


+One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time+

Cracked

Had an uncomfy sleep last night..it was full of tossing and turning around untill i had to get up and sit..I wonder what happen to me.Usually i would never get up ..atleast not untill it is noon.I think something is wrong with my room..or wassit my bed?Coz my roomate is having no problem sleeping..It didn't only happen last night but the night before and the night before that..hmm..I feel like everytime i try to get my peaceful sleep,someone will shake my body that force me to open my eyes..Please dun do that again..I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP..

More test to go today and as usual i am unprepared..ok..half prepared since i spent half of my senibina class reading and memorizing all things that could be absorb by my brain.I hope my brain do react like a sponge even though i can feel that my head is getting heavier..

Should be going back to Hillpark..still got something to be read and done..ehem..I promised yamyam that i would do better this sem and i will certainly prove it..so..up up and away..

Testing 1..2..3..

Hummm..My first mid sem paper of the sem..It went quite well,what do u expect for repeater like me?I had another one to go this evening..this one..i don't have a clue about anything.Uh oh..takpe..takpe..jgn menggelabah..i still have time to revise(or it's more to study) but then i have to ask kecik to go for the interview by herselfla..sorry babe,i have to put my study as the first priority..

Yesterday..nuthing interesting happen..i slept all day and ended having headache..at night went to puteri umno open house in KJ..lecaknye..habis all my kain..but hey,dapat makan free..so considered okla..

Tomorrow yam2 shall be attending his interview session for PTD in Putrajaya,i want to follow but somehow i got SE paper to attend and a prolog lab test..arghh..but ..no biggie thursday is a holiday..Hohoho..Merry X'mas!!Ah..like i'll be celebrating any..
My hol would be snuggling in bed with my blankie..and getting lazy..or maybe having lil bit hangover after partying the night b4..ermm..but do i have any party invitation yet?So far no..humm..maybe my friends are getting tired of inviting an MIA like me..

oh yeah,more resolution..Less partying next year..
by the way i am..


You're ELEGANT sexy! You have a tasteful style,
that not only draws attention to you, but gives
you respect. Your style is more graceful than
that of others.


What kind of sexy are you? [For girls only! With Pics! Finally Finished!]
brought to you by Quizilla

Return of The King

Have u ever been in the situation where u wish u could see ur future?I wish i could..But someone say it's not our job to hold the fate..i know it's true..and i know he's wise but we can do something for our future right?and what would you do if what ur going trough now doesn't reflect what u want for the future?Would u just back off or u just go with the flow,hoping everything will be alright?That's what happen to me..Perhaps i should divert my mind to something else..not having this treacherous thoughts..hmmm

Thought of doing my tutorial yesterday but somehow i went to watch LOTR3 and it was worth missing a tutorial..hehe..Totally awesome..and Aragorn as usual make me melt.Even he's not dashing or have 'some' face but still his manly and his confidence really make me go ga-ga..i always like man who is full with confidence and charisma.More manly is more better.During my secondary i used to fall with pretty guy but not now,pretty guy will only make me say 'cute' but never make it through my heart.So when someone said i was lying for saying he's handsome despite he hasn't got the look,now u know my reason and no hun,i'm not lying.Ah,back to ROTK..Actually ier..not me actually it's my bf didn't expect we will get the tickets seeing that the parking of sunway which is usually free hassle was jammed..meaning..probably everybody were going for ROTK but hey,not only we manage to get the ticket but also a pair of nice seats..except we didnb't make it to buy any tit bits coz the counter lad was kinda slow and we didn't want to miss the opening..anyway,i'm soooooo happy..finally the trilogy has ended even though it did make someone sob.*wink*wink*..

Ahh,two tests to go tomorrow..Shit..I wish i could be an elf..so beautiful yet got nuthing to worry about papers or lecturers..Humm

Big talk..Big Head

I was supposed to join Farah's b'day party last night at Nuovo but somehow i didn't have the heart to go.Hearing that lots of people will turn up sort of kill my mood.Lots of people who i didn't know and probably pretencious people talking about their wealth,their trips to europe will give me headache.Ehe..not that i'm not used to mix with the rich and famous i do but hey,the people who i be friended with who i know are probably more wealthy from the 'unknown' people are far far more cool or 'tak menggelabah' ..even europe probably are their second home.Still they dun brag about cars,home or whatever it is..all we have r just having fun together.If i want i too can brag and tell them blabla..what so ever things i have or whoever person i had go out with..but hmm..no thanks..

and the bad thing is..i think Farah is sort of mad at me..ermm..i know i shouldn.t missed her birthday party but i just can't help it.Spending my time with my boyfriend eating at Kampung Baru and watching movie were better than feeling like stranging my self..and the worst thing is,someone i know will then transform to someone who is not herself..arghh..Sorry,babe..I didn't mean to missed ur birthday party.

Now that i saw how my bf was hurt,i try to promise my self not to loose any temper in front of him.I shall be more tolerate..before raging,i should put myself in his shoe..and..i have to remember not to call him names in the public even they doesn't mean anything to me or to him..coz that's just not right. He is a man and i should respect him as a man.

Going back to Shah Alam today..I must study a lil bit since next week is the mid sem week and i can't afford not to score any paper.I have to...Dah last sem dah ni..

Doc asked me to join them for futsal session but hmm..i dun think my bf would like that so i have to pass and besides futsal with my ex-schoolmate is more important.And..i dun want to play with fire..probably after futsal doc and his gang will go for makan-makan and ehe,of probably i'll be wooed by that-sweet-talker-joe..thus making my bf life a hell.and i'm the one will get the firing..from the green eyes monster..

It's all coming back to me now

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

Thought you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
Al coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we, , ,

I wish i dun start meddling with my bad mouth
I wish i could control my temper
I wish i dun care that much
I wish i dun love a person like that
now that i do i have hurted that special someone
who is just trying to love me..

and..it's all coming back to me now..

Fucker

I went to the faculty but didn't manage to go to class.Why?Coz i was too lazy to go to DK2..i want to do it in Audi as usual..:(..ok..i know i shouldn't have this kind of attitude but..hmm..dunnolah..Tetibe terase menyesal..takpe..takpe..
start from next week kene pegi kelas..KENE!!

i had some kind of bad feeling about my relationship.We've been fighting for almost everyday..Somehow we will settle things but there are something that i dun think i can compromise.

i am very very materialistic so being normal wouldn't help much.And i hate it when the other person took this as my bad trait.Hey,i splurge money but i never splurge his money on buying things that indulge me.It's my own money(okay,it's dad's money). So it really pissed me off when he say "This is because of your environment"
What the Fuck?I was like this since only god know when..It's nuthing to do with my environment(actually he wanted to blame my housemate and party friends).I love to shop..even when i'm still in school..long..long time ago before i met him.And saying that "I dun think i'll be somebody" does not helping either.If u know u would ended marrying nobody,would u marry him in the first place?i dun think so..

As everybody know, i was a control freak and i was vain..i will make sure i look presentable when i go outside to socialize.Call me a freak or whatever u want but that's me.That explain why i always fall for well-dress-men.Men who dress well and smell extremely nice never fail to get my attention.But thay said,love conquer all..issit?I want my love one to dress well because i think,what we try to potray will effect what people think about us.I mean people impression.He might be snickering and smirking if he read this..sorry.. I'm just saying what i am feeling here.

Eventually saying things that can hurt my feelings doesn't help at all!

Somehow i know that..i was the one who created some problems..ehe..i should be more focus on that..


I always wondering about my own feelings..Do i really have the feelings or do i not?The answer still remain fuzzy.Somehow on our way back home last night..i heard an old song by Don Henley which the lyrics sort of touched me

"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough "


ahhrhghghghghg..

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Followers and religion

ahhh..finally i manage to get things rite.blogger had upgrade me..tq so muchh!!takde pening pale dah after this..

yesterday ermm..i didn't went to class coz i was not feeling well..instead i stay at home and cooked..hehehe..then yam yam came and as usual i felt refreshed :P..

while we're watching the news someone babbles something which is related about religion.Hum..for me i respect other people religion, no matter what they beleive.i dun know about other people but for me it's up to the individual to beleive whoever they want to beleive.Maybe some people are will not agree with me and some may think that i'm not doing the best i can do as being a muslim,but hey that's my opinion..I mean during Prophet Muhammad time also, he even respect other people religion.I mean u dun have to swear like saying "Fuck the blabla..Stupid asshole.."

As far as i concern,no religion teaches their followers to be bad,it depends on the individual itself whether to do it right or not. So anything bad happen in the world,blame the people dun blame the religion.

Yeyey!!..managed to catch the grand finale of survivor 7 last night.I was dissapointed that Jon didn't make it to the final 2.Me and Yam yam think he should..a mind of pembongak..hehe..even he was so full of scam but he played well,being a twister and all.That's the game is all about.Tapi..atleast that Lill didn't won that money either.I think she's a bunch of crap..somehow i can't stand people who are being so nice..I vote for Sandra and glad that she grab all the money even my Jon didn't make it.:(

ahh..i felt restless due to lack of sleep last night.
I was having some sort of nightmare.I see things and heard voices.I even remember playing tug of war(it's my blanket actually) when someone or issit rather something try to pull my blanket and after failing..my leg?Then i couldn't move a muscle even i can see things clearly..I was so damn scared..as scared as i could be that i then share the bed with my roomate.She must have an uncomfy night..hehehe..sorry..I think i should see a shrink.Don't u think so?

i made it to class even i was 10 minutes late but..to my dissappointment i couldn't find my class anywhere.I went to all the classes that i could find but i fail to trace where the hell is my class have move to.Ah..it's not my fault..ok it was my fault i was late but hey,atleast i try!!


Going back to Shah Alam.Haven't meet mum since she got back from Sarawak.Wonder what did she get for me?:P

clubbb-ing

went clubbing with my housemate last night.Unexpectedly met doc and tadaaaa... Joe over there..doc as sual will buy all the sista drinks.i had a good time and i bet everybody will but it was spoilt by us following izwan(is it his name?) to Grand Modesto.Ahh..the lair of mat rempit..sheeshhh...i couldn't stand the crowd...thay r annoying and oh my god the toilet r so filthy!!!!
then met yam2 at lotus after that..and as i expected..he was raging..inside?hum..i know it's so mean of me just to think of my self but ..i do want to care about my feeling first before caring about other people's.When we talked before i sleep, i wish i didn't had a good time coz the guilty ate me.If only i could promise not to do it again...hunny,i'm sorry but i am just a girl..

To make thing even worse,Joe called just now and my bf was here with me..eheh..i just dunno how to react.I swear i dun have any feeling for him.Not even a tiny feeling. I dun wamt to elaborate more about the topic.Nuff said.

argh..why is my blog still having problem??tensian camni..lapar pon ada jugak..it's already 4 but i still dun have my lunch :(..

+i'm just a simple gurl
in a high tech digital world+

slim shady

went to nikkit's open house last night..ended with full stomach then off to subang sport planet for futsal but..salah tempat rupanya.The gurls were playing at unlimited..since only 15 mins left so i cancelled to play futsal.Then just lepak-lepak around untill my eyes get droopy.

bangun tido..i felt lil bit cramp on my neck..ades..sakitnye..mesti salah tido ni..untill now i felt uncomfortable..huhuhuh...

today..ermm..go to UPM with yam-yam,thinking of changing the layout for my blog but my genius bf somehow make my plan incomplish.Kalau aku tau tido kat umah lagi best..Furthermore..the weather is so..in to deep sleep..i mean..shady and all..not so hot,not even slightly hot.
ok,now i have start recontructing my page..chaos sket..so sorry if u get headache or something :)

Might be going to more open house today..

the rest is still undecided.

Whatever Hun

hurrahhh..finally i made it to class this very morning.I even turned up to be the first person who wake up this morning..ehehehe..something extraordianary for chics.umm...then after class i became blank..nak buat apa hari ni??maybe i can repair my prolog lab(duhh)..and i'm thinking of cooking something for my self..dah lama tak makan byk.and..maybe i should get my beauty sleep since tomorrow i got no class..ehehe..tonight partyyyyy!!!*wink*wink*..kinda killing me seeing my housemate all dressed up,smelling so sweet went partying without me..sob..sob..

today,might be watching romeo and juliet with my housemate and the boyfriends..ermm..talking about boyfriend..i don't think my boyfriend bangun already since i didn't see him on Ym or messenger this morning.Ahh,,nak balik cepat..besok nak keje konon...band bla..bla..dah brapa hari bgn lambat..he pissed me off last night by turning late and going back early..but..why bother?he has his own life and i have mine..lantak dia la nak buat apa.I don't want to be too care or kisah sangat coz i dun want to get hurt..furthermore..i can get things going my way..kinda stupid of me to get pissed of by him yesterday..i should not care that much..so hunny..do as u wish(so maybe i can do as i wish??)..as i always say(and he somehow read my mind) WHATEVER!!

i dream of something weird..me and my bf went to UK for God know why and when we came back i found out that my family had died in an accident.Then our house had been bought buy some arrogant datuk who refuse to sell it back to me as i want the house coz that's the only thing that can remind me of my beloved family.In my dream, i could see all my family things being trashed away by that evil datuk.Whats more,he claimed all my cat to be his!I thought i only cry in the dream but i realized i was crying in real life..it was sad..sob..sob..weird but scary enough..hope it is just a dream..nauzubillah


talking about quitting smoking last night.yam yam said we should seize the smoke as early as the first dawn of 1 jan 2004 arrive..ermm...errr...tgkla camne..

+whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there+

Bliss

arghhhhh...i missed senibina again..i woke up at 9..dah tak sempat nak pegi..sheeshhhhh..heran pulak,mlm tadi tido awal..apsal tak boleh bgn pon tataulaaa..

went to SE class,sit with my housemate..the result end up talking in class about RP,nuovo and all.Then kene sound dgn lecturer pasal bercakap..hehehe..sorry miss jackson,don't mean to hurt you.Thinking of going to movie tonite tapi ticket mcm dah sold out..hmmmm..camne?My housemate might be going to Rp which i want to go but when i told yam yam tickets are sold out ,he immedietly smell my plan and his voice turns into hulk??not that loud but a bit harsh..neah..maybe i'll pass since i got class on 8 tomorrow,that i should try to REMEMBER not to miss it.

mom will be going to Sarawak this weekend which make me stay put in hillpark..ahh..boogie night!!and nikkit is holding an open house friday night..can't miss it..sound like,this weekend will be a bliss!err..i hope so...

Oh my class

i had an excruciating stomach ache last night which destroy my plan to get jiggy with my housemate. The worst thing, i was also invaded by the stupid flu..make me sneeze all the time.Luckily yam yam was at home with me so i get lots of pampering..hehehe..When i wake up this very morning, the flu had banished.:)

i didn't make it to prolog class today.Mati aku..apa lagi nak klentong pon tatau..Tak sengaja..i over slept.I heard the alarm but somehow i can't get up..instead i woke up at 10.00 but still i missed my SE tutorial at 11.Mandi lama sangat plus berborak-borak dulu.I can't let things happen again..tak boleh malas2..i have to prove something here that being me is not less smarter than whoever it is.Tomorrow i shall not miss all my classes eventhough macam penat je nak attend semua.C'mon chics..lagi 1 sem je to go..then u can do whatever u want..


21 more days to new year.I havent decide how to celebrate it..my friends might be going to nuovo which i think is kinda superb but ehem..my bf want me to spend the day with him..hummm..i can't say no to him right?or can i??

it's look like it's going to rain..i wish i could see snow rather than water..hehehehe..
kalaula me sia turun snow..ahhhhh..........i can wear that cute coat with the fluffy thingy..or maybe fur?faux fur i mean..hmm...interesting

fight?

ahh..held this year open house on the weekend which leaved me dwelling with my tiredness. But i must say, i kinda enjoy seeing my friends again although some didn't showed up..hehehe

I fought with yam-yam over the weekends and i hate it coz it hurts a lot.He yelled at me..again..make me wonder..what the point rowing in relationship if we both get hurt?Well,i admit it was my mistake..and bla..bla..
eventually we get things settled and i hope it will stay that way..
hope i wont get yell and yell at someone i love in the future..

i've been in a painful relationship once
when i was hurt and i still holding on
hoping things will be alright
and for now..
i will not hesitate..
do it b4 it's too late!!

no tittle

hmm...lazy day for me since there are no class.My bf fever still show no good sign..erm..erm..i hope after our visit to the dr. yesterday he will get better.

nothing interesting today..just playing god and get smokin..

i wonder if thing will spice up a bit tonight?

Dancin' Fever

I had planned a night out clubbing with my girlfriends last night but it didn't happen.My bf had a high fever. So instead getting sweaty and probably wasted i had to look after him.He worried me coz his body was so damn hot. I tried to do everything to reduce the tempreture..hmm..i guess sick people can be annoying and banyak songel at times. At the end of the day i felt so tired and ended crying..hum..i dunno why..maybe because i was so tired?or..dunno

my roomate borrowed my car for last night clubbing and as the result my car smelt like Jack Daniel Car Perfume..new formula for ur car..hehehe..no biggie but she forgot to fill up the tank..:(

went to prolog classs today and got busted for not coming untuil the 4th week..had to give some white lies to get away with it..ahh..i hate it when this happens .

Bimbo Limbo

hum..i was used to be told that i was not smart,bimbo and all stuff and..i don't give a shit about it coz..they don't know me.But last night as i was having a conversation with yam-yam we accidently made some comparison about we and our exes.Not that i've been comparing all this time.No,it just came out accidently.

me:who is more smarter?
he:she..

SHE??????hey, i know that she came from an elite school but that doesn't make me less smarter than her.Ok fine,i always screw my test..but does smart only revolved around paper qualification??does some 2/3 hrs answering shitty questions can grade u whether u r smart enough or stupid?I mean everyhting can happen in that period of time.He said no offence but sorry hun,i'm offended. I can be as smart as everyone else if i want to it just that i was well known for my darn lazy attitude and my 'whatever' attitude. Bill gates didn't even finish his study in the uni,i bet maybe he didn't give a shit about exams and all and still he is smart!! I think beeing smart have broad tweaks but for me smarts means the way u think and how u deal with problems in life.Ehe,today when i wake up, i feel...like i dun want to see him coz someone i love kinda disgrade me?but hey,that's his opinion right?and today i feel like..i should get some pampering after feeling rather hurt and offended last night..hum..wonder what it will be?

ah..maybe that's one thing i can put up in my new years resolution.TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY.
SHOVE AWAY UR BIMBO ATTITUDE..ermm..

Might be a tough chores then,coz ehe i prefer to smile and get groovy rather than attending lectures and doing my tutorial.Well, something have to change right?

ahh...my sims addiction is back since MAKIN' MAGIC is now in the market.It's quite tough and this simulations is surely a tough challenge to my new-made-resolution..huhhh..

+me stupid??#$^#^%&$&R&%$+

Eid!!

I had a normal raya..except this year my baju raya is hideous.i hate it.it makes me looked like a pregnant women.waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...but i guess who cares rite?(except me)..anyway..my grandma rendang was totally delicious as usual and the best thing was..me and my cousins didn't have to do any works since grandma had hired a maid to help her..hehhe..i know it sounded bad of me but hey..i am too lazy to do anything..

my collection of duit raya is..better than last year..
even my bf give me his share of duit raya..yeyeyey..that's the way i like it..:P

class starts today but i already missed yamani's class this morning due to lack of sleep after watching 'mekanik' last nite.i loove that movieeeeee..

uh..new years coming..i better start thinking of my new resolution..even though i think resolutions are crappy..ermmm

totemo oishi

yesterday my friend spentot a.k.a jumaat treated me to oishi the japanese buffet.Since i looooove japanese food so much i think it was totally awesome.There were lots of japanese culinary from sushi to sukiyaki.Not to mention the delicious shark fin soup anddd..OYSTER!!!.Yummy..As the result when i headed home i felt sick and start puking..My boyfriend was not at home coz he went back to his house so i have to settle down myself from crawling to the toilet to cooling my self from feeling so damn hot inside the body..The result of comsuming too much oyster.But then..around 3 my bf came after calling me on the phone..and miracally i felt better..hehehe

last night was also creepy.I heard someone singing..the song make me sad for no reason..the weird thing is my bf didn't heard a thing and amazingly i felt very very tired and sleepy after trying to figure out what the hel the women was singing about..er..isn't there supposed to be no devil in the month of Ramadhan??Yep,so i guess it must be my imagination..maybe i should get more sleep..

and today,i have to hailed a cabby to class since my housemate who borrowed my car didn't return home.:(..make me kinda mad coz i want to go to class!!!but a good news make my day.Yam-yam had passed his third stage for PTD..yeyeyeyey..Good for him..i was very happy coz i know he is really hoping he would make it trough..and surely i hope he will :)..

shop till u drop

First class for this semester.I expected to see mr.i forget -what his name..errr..apa nama die ni..ahh..nevermind.He used to jump on my nerves just because to him i dressed alarming as a student.He also used to give me some lectures in front of other student..maybe to humilate me?but..instead..jeng...jeng..
i saw yamani idna..again....ahhhhhhhhhhhh..............................


make my resolution to attend all class even i know that they will be very very boring..and will kill me sooner or later but..ehe..i have to prove something here.

today..more shopping to be done.Yesterday, my ankle kinda hurt coz i have been 'tawafing' KLCC for my hari raya shopping spree and unlucky for me i only got 1 groovy outfit.it's not actually unlucky for me..it was actually unlucky for yam yam coz he has to bare and grin as i will drag him again today..at different spot..hehehe..if u want me..u have to pleasee me..*evil grin*

the sad thing is the budget for my hari raya stuff have been reduce and next year..no budget for me from dad since i'll be earning on my own..oh nooo....

No..No!!!

went back to shah alam after having major headache..the reason?too much playing god in the computer,ehehe..i am a sim addict!!

my ex called again..he wanted to meet up..again.he asked me to fecth himafter my futsal session tonight.Ehe..If he really do care for me, tthen why must he ask me to drive in the middle of the night when he got all his friends to fetch him?My futsal will be over around 1.30 a.m and after all the lepaking around..it'll be 3.00 am and he expect me to fetch him??Talk to Nik about this,she suggest me not to see him when there's no one around..ehe..she sounded right but i dun think he will harm me..I dunno how to say no to him coz i DID say no..but he keep saying please..

Gossip folks

i called mum just to say hello..the she told me maybe dad is going to Saudi next month..and maybe she will be joining him too later..and who will take care of the house..most of all..who will take care of me?huhuhuh..but..ahh..that's mean more shopping..i heard Saudi's clothes not bad either..i mean Parisian design and all..and if i made it to dubai..can buy all the perfume i want..hihihihih..but..my parents won't be here..:(

went to midvelli again and had tenpayakki..gossiping again..

what's with girls and gossip?i dunno..but what thing for sure..girls and gossip are unseparable.I know it's bad but i just can't help it..maybe my friends too..Even though i think it will backfire u sooner or later.I tried not to talk too much about ppl bad things coz i'm afraid i might do the same.We never know what will happen in the future right?

thinking of going back to shah alam tomorrow rather than doing nothing here..

uhuk..uhuk..

i tot i will have my man for my own self today but that didn't quite happen.His granny was admitted to the hospital and he had to visit her.Well he gotta do what he gotta do right?Even though i know i should not feel upset..instead i can't help it but ehe..it's ok..my life is not just about him rite?

i think some women have problem when they love a men..they love them unconditionally..i know that's is supposed to be that way but for me,i considered that as a desease..when u love someone that way(except familyla) u will try to please the other person without thinking about urself..that what i call stupid..and u will easily get hurt coz u expect the other person think and feel the way u do..i shall not repeat my same mistake..

so i plan to berbuka with aleng and rizal at KLCC even it drove my man to his madness. He IS a green eye monster..

old..oldd..

slept at 7..7 a.m and i still feel lil bit dizzy
talked about old old thingss
hmm..i found that is till beleive in the same conclusions
that also have been agreed by my STF sista

most of the guys will love themself and their friends and other things compared to their gf

at some point guys will do nothing coz they think the gurl won't leave them

some gurl is so stupid(like me) that they would do anything for their bf

some gurl who is too depending to their bf will tend to get hurt(that's me again)

it a guy wants to make things better in the relationship..do it before it's too late

huh...now bcoz of that i didn't get enough sleep and..mrs.wrinkle will get better chance to invade me..

arghhhhhhhhh

Psychotic

No..i'm not the headline for today..not me but my ex boyfriend..he had turn to a psycho..that keeps nagging and stalking me..

he keeps begging..
i do love him..
but i dun think the relationship can work out..

god..please take care of himm

longggg november

ahhh...haven't been writing for ages..actually there's nuthing interesting.
I broke up with azam

but the problem is he won't let me go
he won't let me be happy
he won't let me out of his sight
i admit i still adore him
but dun think we can tolerate each other anymore

he is beeing sweet and sweeter everyday
makes me lost my mind
coz i'm trying to lost my memory with him

he's blaming me though he is the one who left me all alone
at the first place..
now he make me feel like a bitch..

so what if i am a bitch??

+life a bitch+

tots

hmmm...stuck and home..nuthing to doo..

boring..
boring..

played all games..listen to stupid soapy love song..

sort of miss azam..
sort of want him back..
sort of miss azam..

can't imagine he marry another chics..
feel like killing my self

all men talk shit..

i want to be a lesbo

reUnion

ahhhhhh...i had a wonderful time last night even not all my friends showed up.really..everybody were so eager seeing everyone.and i guess time do change ppl!!my frends had budding to be wonderful women..pheewittt to that.

the food was marvellous, which i ate till i feel like puking..eheh..sorry gopal..i forgot ur nasihat..got carried way..and we sang during the karaoke session even though every body knew that i can;t sing.Oh,aiza came with his hubby and guess what..she is now an add maths teacher!!!what the....can't beleive my ears..what will happen to the students..tsk..tskk..

played bowling..actually i was forced to by nikkit since her classmate were no where to be seen..As the result i broke a nail which really hurt sooooo damn much and we won the 3rd prize..not badla kan for people who knew nuthing about bowling like me..

today..my whole body need some urut-urut..

might be holding the reunion in 4/5 years from now..

eheh..i bet that time everybody will be different..

mybe more wrinkles?

urghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

+United we stand Tun Fatimah+

brain damage

arghhh..last night i was feeling unwell..heart disorder syndrome..or maybe brain?My bad mood dayyy..

today..i fl much much more better..went to bangsar to buy some wrapper and gulf burger king..

tomorrow is the reunion day..urm..still undecided what to wear5..the theme is supposed to be retro..but i dun have anyhting retro.does hoop earing counts?but i will try ot be as retro as impossible.;D...

and tomorrow is the day that i'm suppose to deal with azam,but somehow i hesistate..how ahhh

holss

happy holss!!!just me sitting at home doing some cooking and the household chores..no more studying..for a momentlaa..

spent my time with mom..she showed me her new acupunture tools..she always had new gadgets though i dun think she need it ;).I tryied it on and..yeah..it's cool..

told mom about yam2 yesterday and about my rlationship with azam..she told me to do what ever i feel happy to do..i think she can accept yam2.in the other hand..i started to get confused again..arghhh....


reunion..2 days more to go..can't wait!!

mono..poli...

yesterday..watched a movie..a korean movie..tales of 2 sisters..quite ok..sort of enjoy it..

b4 that my day was already spoiled by someone who told m he wanted my bestfriend coz he got maajor crush on her.Yes,my best bud is cun..i know and i'm not mad b'coz of she is my best bud,i'm happy for her it's just that..how could he wants someone else after me?i'm not in rage yesterday b'coz the other person is my best friend..the one i use to hang out together,sleep together and eat together for about 5 yrs..

it's like a major turn off..hey..by the way..i'm going to tell my best friend since he wanted her so bad..and probably we'll just laugh..coz i know...she will never betray me..

then he siad he was joking but i dun think he was joking..maybe if i show him that i dun have any issue with that..he will proceed..ermm...

today..not sure what to do..maybe fotsal again..ahhhh..cool

good day..great day

i woke up with a sore throat..the result of singing my lungs out in a karaoke session last night.Me and my schoolsista went to istana hotel to chill out.Before that we hitted tina's house to watch anugerah era..er..still i didn't know what's going on..Beside melalak we groove on the dance floor and listen to the band.Girl's night out!!Yeahhhh..maybe we should do it more often..even i often go to clubbing..

and one more suprise..i get to see shaza after about 8 years not meeting her..and yes we do have a great time..yes..she still works in KFC..uh..oh..sound tasty isn't it?

uh..today..some more shopping to do..thinking of it just make my day!!!!

mundane

didn't make it to nuovo coz i dun feel well last night..ended eating at hartamas square..again...

mundane day..nuthing much to do..just went out and had tenpayakki..
the rest still undecided..

deeeppppppp shiiittt

deep shit..that's how i'm feeling right now..azam keep pastering me about going to ipoh and i dun want to..but since he begged me so much,,i feel pity for him

"i'm losing u..let me make it up to u"

erm..on the other hand..yamyam is showing his tantrum towards me..urghhhhhhh..ii mean ..i can listen to ppl but can u please give me some space...i want to breath..to chill out..i do treasure him.. i really do..but i enjoy the way i'm living now and i thought he understood..as he said the first time we met..i guess..when u feel u own something..u will be possesive..ait??

merdeka?

finally,had my last paper for this sem..arghh..didn't turn out well as i expected but it wasn't that bad either..

for celebration..i'll be going shopping today!!yayayaya..loveee that thing so much..might be buying new shoes and skirt..or probably something else for my self..ahh....soo refreshing..the though of it make me feel happy already!!

then ..mlm maybe go and watch a movie..farah wants to invade planet tonight but i dun think so..i'll pass that..but tomorrow night even..Nuovo?ahhh..irresistable....except someone might not think that is not a practical idea..hummm..

friends for keep??

sometimes friends try to take advantage upon u..when u are nice..when u buat tak kesah..they tend to pijak kepala u..don't u think?i'm the type of the tak kisah gurl..i mean..since we are friends why should we give shits about small things rite?it's killing me when people bug my life with small things as if they are big..i mean..i dun't even care if my friends borrow my things or whatsoever but ..argh..susahnyer berkwan dgn org..

japanese paper tonight..but somehow i lost my mood.

Adaline...

ANN paper today turns out to be ok..ah..WCS..i lap u!!xcept i didn't get the answer for ADALINE correctly :(..

Did my laundry today..after 1 week moaning over my dirty clothes..hehehe..and now my clothes smell perfect..

might be playing futsal tonight..but it's raining cats cat and dog..mesti jam punye..jap paper tommorrow.

as aleng would say "Ganbantte Kudasai"!!

ENJOY

beautiful sunday..unfornutely is being spoiled by my becoming ANN paper tomorrow..huhhhh..should be digging my heads now but instead I ENJOY..

yesterday..we went out and have fun..eat all the way..bila malam went to a club..not clubbing actually just listening to a local band.Awesome!!!Wish i could do that every weekend since i dun go out for clubbing for 3 weeks already..

watch League of Extraordinary Men.Love that movie..eveyone should watch it!!

ahh..ade meeting kol 1...

SE=SEtan

my third paper of the sem..still no sign of 'abg penjaga peperiksaan yg skema'..humm..i kinda missed his weird stares.hehehe

my paper..sux as usual..huh..tataula bile nak tak sux..hmm..

should be preparing for ANN..ahhh..another killer paper since i dun even now a thing about it..uhuhuh...

azam called..he asked me to go to ipoh next week..to settled this up or the other way around..
ok..i admit that i'm the one who screwed up..i'm the one who should be blame..coz for all the sudden my heart changed..for all the suden i dun miss him anymore..i'm the one to be blame..
ok..settled..

might go for a swim with yamyam..bestnyer swimming!!

Love Me

hummm..nuthing much..all are the same just like yesterday..except i learn few things about love..

1.follow ur instinct
2.Don't expect malaysian men to be romantic as in richard gere
3.If they said they'll be there by ten..set up ur mind it's gonna be an hour late
4.they will hurt u with their words
5.sorry probably didn't mean anything
6.love is very powerful
7.ehe..men love their job more than they love u.
8.Do not try to talk to ur men when football is on tv.
9.love is surely blind
10.love can make u sick,smile,laugh and cry at the same time..

hmm...my SE exam is tomorrow..but my brain is lie..having some kinda damage..arghhhhhh

B to the O to The R to the E

i can't beleive i didn't go out today..just get stuck in the house..doing my revison.Uh,oh..how come some people manage to become housewife? must be tough..

since i got much time today..my mind began to get creative again..thinking of azam and our lost love..i just remember him for all the sudden,maybe because i'm lonely,But..i didn't seemed to miss him..just thingking bout the darlings with him and how is he going to manage living his life without me.It's not that i'm so goddes to be with but i knew the pain of losing someone u love..well..i've been in that stage before even though he didn't actually leaved me but the feeling is kind of same.Or..issit me who r being cruel?

anyway..i found out..all the guy i fell for have the same qualities..they WILL leave me to deal with my own boredom,they will try to insult me for their own pleasure(but no..i'm not insulted),they love it when i have no life except lingering around them and they words speak more lourder than action..hehe..guess i have to deal with it?Or maybe i caould switch my taste in guys?Hmm..good thinking chics!

I weight 42 kg now!Hoaaa....that is something i should consider as a warning..even dad said i'm fat..and i have tripple chin!!huarghhhhhhh...

Monotonous

nuthing much for today..lepak2 at yamyam house and watch tv..while doing some revising..hmmm...what more?

uh..azam called to wished me happy anniversary..which i didn't remember at all..ermm..
why for all the sudden i became an ignorant bitch?uh..uh..

X-am

phewww...my first paper today..Despite Yamani looks cute today his paper was fucking difficult..atleast for me..i can't seem to know any answer for no 6 till 14.Damn..i know everybody were not suppose to leave early since the paper was hard but ..why in the earth should i stay any longer when i didn't know a shit to write down.Yes..Yes..my answer script is a laughing stock.I bet Yamani is making a joke about me now..whutevaaaa..

on the other hand my recreational paper went well even i didn't study a single thing about it..anyway i was happy..not only because i i manage to answer all questions but also..i can boy surfing cute cute guys(mostly from engineering fac) who also taking exams in DTC.hehhee...no wonder i can think clearly after that ;)

balik rumah..to ease my piece of mind..
mom said aie and dad saw pete!!!but he try to run away?

why r u runnig away from home pete?Dun u miss my hugs and kisses?
*weep*wweep*

might be going for futsal tonite!!yaya..love futsall

+kickin' ass+

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Accompanied yamyam to his futsal session last night.Nuthing much..just the same routine..eat,get fat,laughed and choked.then headed back home.

i wanted to show yamyam the power of friendster.I met a cute guy there..so 'click' i go.

new message from azhan,a close friend of my bro and also a friend of mine.

"hello,how are you.Apa crite?Aku denga aie beritahu kau KAWEN hujung tahung ni"

i freaked out.Get married?With who?After we both(me and yamyam) saw the message we just..dun have anything to talk anymore.

my bro is not the type who like to talk shit about me..i mean he probably refuse to talk about me at all(i understand why) unless there is something important or anyone asked him about me.Which means..he must heard it from mum..mum if u r listening..PLEASE DUN MAKE ANY DESICION FOR ME..and it's my life..

can't sleep after that..

but later this morning when i checked my new inbox messages for me azhan wrote again..something like this


"Oh,bukan ke?tapi aie cakap kau nak kawen..kee..nak bertunang..aku tak sure..hehehheyela..aku rasa bertunang kot bukan kawen.."

only God know how relieve i am..but still..sape lak nak bertunang???

why for all the sudden people tend to bother about my maritial status when i'm only 23??and i know how to take care of myself..maybe it's becoz dad is going off for some work overbroad and mom is going with him..so they need some guardian angel for me?

hummm..on the other hand..yamyam said if it's true..he wouldn't know what to do..That's not the spirit i want..but i guess,he's like that..

what a terrible and lazy day.Didn't have mood to do anything..not after i spent 1 1/2 hrs in the bath tub with my fav bubble foam..ahhhhhh...what a wonderful werld..


+i don't!!+

Bugger

rainy morning..brrr..best way to keep snuggling in bed.instead,I woke up and get connected..

yamyam call..again i was pissed off because he will be bz today..damnla..i shouldn't feel this way.i should feel..unmoved..tak payah marah2..or irritated or try to irritate him back.He should remain as the way i feel about him not as someone that keep flickering in my mind.

azam called..asked about do i have another guy..ironic..why ask the questin that u already know the answer..try my best to stay polite but still speak the truth..As the result..he was kinda sad..uh,oh..

he:what's the purpose of we taking the time off if u r seeing other guy?me:please dun care about me anymore(i know it's lame but that the only
phrase that i could think of)

but he made a point..maybe i should take my time off with yamyam too..hmm..but can i do that?

then he mention about Bad Datuk something2.That Bad saw me partying in some club in my disposed condition..ermmm..and he told azam

"we need to have a long chat.."yes..they are going to make me as the headline.Damnla these people..can they just stick their nose into their own life?

Bugger off!

when i said that to azam he said.."Bad is my old friend..of course he cares about me"..oh..fine..whatever..

i feel crappy..so crappy that i dun even want to study(excuses again..)
sheeeshhh..

study chics..studyy..got to aim high for robotic or else Yamani is going to laugh at my face..

+who will get the last laugh?+

Tut..Tut..

Had my japanese oral today..It was..o.k..can't answer one or two questions..i forgot the words in japanese but sensei just laughed.

Ermm..Not normal..Isn't he supposed to be tensed?

I though he was supposed to ask only 4 questions but it happened to be..tonnes of questions.Finally he asked me some personal questions.

he:did u learn japanese before?
me:ermm..yes.Why?*blink blink*
he:ur japanese is different from the others.Where did u learn japanese b4 this?
me:during my secondary.I was in blablabla..
he:Then i must be strict to u!

duhhh....what the hell is that supposed to mean?Is he going to give me low marks because i just flashed my most dazzled smile when i didn't know what the shit he was talking about?I hope he wasn't that cruel..

When i got home my housemate was using the internet,i wanted to make a phone call but now i can't..and azam called.Later i found out that he was in his way to KL.Probably he has already reach his destination right now.So then i went to have a nap with a hope i can use the phone but even when i woke up..the line is still bz.#@$%#^&..I want to download my notes for the exam..not that i didn't download them b4 but i couldn't find them anywhere.So,here i am in the lab.Writing and irritated.

Tonight, i will be alone.My housemate will be attending some gala dinner.They left me!!!Just because i was not home yesterday..huhuh..but no biggie..and yamyam will come a bit late.Fuck!I wasn't supposed to feel unsatisfied when he can't make it like the way i want to.I mean..i swear i won't be to dependent and i swear i won't give a shit to what he wants to do.I mean we are suppose to have separate life.So why must i have these feeling?Maybe i should see him less or spend less time with him.I hate when i have this kind of feeling..u know when u feel blue..the only thing that can cheer u up is thinking of him..when u are not suppose to do that..araghhh..GO AWAY...

i'm not supposed to fall in love..againn

+When i fall in love..+

Katz and Whiskers

when i woke up this morning,MJ was already waiting for me at the standing fan,licking herself.when i called her she mewed gayly and jumped to me.Aww..isn't that sweet.I wish Pete was here to do the same..so i can pat him and make him purr.I miss my Pete.Where are you?I'm not the only one who is missing him,MJ also seems so miserable.She mewed now and then to seek for her lost brother.Maybe she missed the way he licked her and goof around.I tried to look for pete or maybe some cat dead body but there's not even a clue.Atlest let me know what happen to him.It's disturbing to think of your missing cat in the middle of the night when u miss it..I really love cats.Not just cat,i am an animal lover.I would like to have dogs of my own but as a muslim it's sort of impossible.My mom is the secreatary of Feline Society Malaysia.It's not that i'm not that supportive but sometimes when i see all the darlings were kept on small cages for competition purpose i felt bad.I mean..don't do that to the animal that u love.I used to feel nothing about this ..untill i enrolled MJ and Pete.Seeing them mewed for mercy and they way their eyes looked so sad make me sad.After that,if mum force my darling to be enroll insuch competitions,i refuse to come.Can't bear to see them like that..

My love for cats also is the reasons why i hesistated in making new steps in my love life.I mean..if i won't be seeing azam anymore..that mean no more seeing Fluffy and Brownie.Please no..U see..when Fluffy stayed here not long ago,she will be by my side from the moment i fall asleep and till i open my eyes.She will purss like God know how.rubing her cute face to my hands..Hm..How am i supposed to forget that?Even though i have some allergic reactions to cats fur but still,i love my darlings to the max.Maybe in the future i'll be getting myself an exotic(pug look alike cat) and cornish rex..who knows i could be a breeder..chicsinred bla bla..my own dame..cool

speaking of love..as i read my fav local mag,Eh!,i came across an article by my favourite author,one of the sentences caught my eyes.

"Sometimes 'love' means to let go.Cinta,jika benar ia jujur maka ada masanya kita harus lepaskan dari pegangan dan biarkan ia pergi mencari langitnya sendiri.walaupun 1000 tahun berkawan tapi kalau tiada jodoh apa gunanya"

there're some truth in that sentence.Hmmm...maybe i should reread that article again..and why not?i always like they way she wrote all the articles in her column.then maybe i should rethink..

thinking of going back to hillpark today.Last night my housemate had some outrageous fun without me.:( and yes..that Herman guy is cute..drool..drool..

while studying in front of TV,switching to MTV,Blink 182(I love travis!!) appears..singing Adam's song..Or they should name it Chics' song.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd've known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when i'm gone

I never conquered rarely came
Sixteen just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldnt wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remembre the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault



I never conquered rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide- the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone




+let me let go..darling+

all cried out

i'm at home now.In shah alam..seeking for peace that i never find..yet..i failed to find it again.Humph..mom told me to finish some chores..i wanted to do my study but when i told her that she just..get mad.And again,i'm all alone here..heheh..when i'm alone my mind start to get creative..thinking about yamyam..and azam at the same time.When i open my cupboard..i can see lots of azam's clothes inside..hmm..what would i say to give them back to their owner and how shall i react..when all those stuff is likely belong in my dresser?I mean..it would sure be hard for bth of us to see he gathers all his stuff.Urgh...i hate to think about it..Like yesterday when yamyam told me that he wanted to buy me a new simcard since tmnet sux,for all the sudden i felt like crying..coz my recent simcard was bought by azam just for me so he can call me everyday.It's like..throwing all what he had give me..materially and spiritually.and yesterday i cried again when i told what i have been holding in my heart and mind to yamyam.

i told him..if he really wants me he has to be very patience coz i think i'm sort of scared to repeat the same mistake again..i mean hurting people and getting hurt.That might answer all his questions why sometimes i acted like a stone when he's around..and he'll get upset..so sorry.it's just that i try to deny my own feeling because i'm scared...

as the result f massive waste of tears my eyes are swollen..again..this time i won't get mad if someone stood up to me and speak cantonese.hehehe..even i look thrashy but still i manage to watch identity with yamyam.Brillinat movie..

i'm supposed to study but...

+kill me..kill me..just kill me+

Fired Up

Last night,my housemate and I went to our usual hang out place to have dinner together,mom called me then telling that they'll be coming to send the car.Ok,so it's fine.After we had dinner Farah suddenly decided she wanted to go to planet since it was Free flow for the ladies.margarita is calling so off we go.But then,when we reached there,i suddenly remembered that i'm supposed to meet mom.#$%$#^$&.Camnela boleh terlupe.And then i have to make yamyam's life miserable to picked me up after i told him i want to go partying with my friend instead of seeing him.Yes..ok..ok it's my fault.He was...angry(even he denied it)..He said he didn't like my doing..as the result..i sort of yelled at him and i think he fired up a bit..uh,oh..sorry.I felt bad..i really did but i manage to settle things up.

today,i woke up late and then went to have lunch with ical at midvelli.I want to do my revision for this becoming paper on monday but hum..my mind are roaming somewhere else.I think i'd probably go back to shah alam to sooth things a bit.I know that things would become worst but atleast i'll be left alone with no one to do what ever i want to do..except chilling out.

i might be bz during my semester break,coz i sort of accepting the offer to work for OIC exhibition.I need money,remember?Sometimes i think i would do anything for money.

Might be doing my evening jog this evening or should i go for a swim?As a pieces i think that would be appropriate.;)

+it's all about the money..+

Nihonngo??Hait!!

Supposedly i have my japanese oral today but after waiting for quite a long time i got bored and reschedule my turn to this friday.humpp..and to my suprise i have 2 paper to sit this becoming moday..uh,oh..worst i didn't know which papaer is that.I'd better go and check it out.

i'm happy now.I really do..kind of made up my desicion but urmm..i didn't want to hurt any body.it seem that i didn't think much about azam lately.i know it's cruel and it's bad but that's it.What we had was wonderful but he won't change..what's the use to be in love when u r not happy?i know..i'm cruel..i know that but..it's my life..isn't it?

i am fat and have pimples all over my face.This is bad.Even gradma and my other relatives said 'i had gain some weight'. "Oh,Nina..awak dah tembam"urghhh...nasib baikla dierang org tua..sushhh

i think i should save up some money.I need a new pc.My one pc..not sharing with my bro..and where i can do my own work peacefully.Hummp..that can be arrange since i'll be seeking for part time job next semester.and maybe i can save up to buy furnites for my own.

called azam after hearing some songs that reming me of him.He sounded ok but i'm the one who feel sad.not good.not good..

I have a boring life..what should i do??

+sometimes love is just ain't enough+

kenduri

The kenduri went well, except for all the questions..uh..uh..and i had to wear tudung but that was no biggie.Enjoy my goofing session with my beloved cousins.Ayang told about mom,babbling how bad i get nowadays..well,i did explained to ayang and i cried.It's not my fault!!!

suddenly i got no mood to write anymore..

Peter Parker, i miss u!!

mom called me after i did my recrational test.Pete was missing since the last time i saw him,which was last Sunday.Oh,my don't tell me something bad happen to my Peter Parker.I love that cat so muc.I brought him up by myself,dragging my self to get up every morning at 6.30 a.m to feed him bottld milk.And now his missing.I didn't have any heart to do anything after mom called..And what more, tommorrow grandma will be helding the annual kenduri arwah for my late grandpa since Ramadhan is comming.Bummer, i already have my own plan for tomorrow night.Hump...Maybe i could find the way to attend both occassion.

Family gathering tomorrow..means more pastering about my love life..when will i get engaged..what happen to my relationship and so..Oh noooo..i'm soo doomed.

had 2 test today but i got no mood to do anything.Craps all the ways

More Than Words

nowadays it's hard to find me saying " i love u too" to the other person who uttered those words to me.Not that i don't share the same feeling with him but it just that i found it not amusing to say it back.I think the other person was quite offended with my just-give-me-my-most-dazzling-smile-reaction instead of replying back.Funny eh?Sometimes i can feel my cheeks getting hotter while trying to impress him.urghhh..

Once,a famous motivationer said it's good to say the four letter words several times a day to maintain the feeling we have inside but for me i feel like,if it's beeing uttered frequently,it would become meaningless.I mean,people can lie.I can say I love u thousand times and don't even mean it.Love is a wonderful thing and sometimes it is so wonderful that no words can describe it.The way u look at him,the way u smile at his joke and all the non verbal reactions are enough to show that he's in your heart.

MORE THAN WORDS
Extreme


Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

I think,Extreme is extremely right..

Hanging On

We went to visit Nikkit yesterday.Alhamdulillah her condition is much much more better.She can talk and smile eventhough she looked kinda weak. It must feel so good surrounded by your love ones, family and friends.7 of us came yesterday not including Aileeen and Sue who came earlier the evening.It's good to see everyone again even i see them everyweek.heheh

azam reply my email.A sad one.Urghh..i didn't know what to do,really.I asked nik's and Kat's opinion yesterday.They both said i should do what i think the best.I should not try to remember the past.Let the past be the past.That's true but it's the past who made me what i am today.Both my friend say i should consider my happiness rather feeling sorry for people.Uh,nevermind..the duration is still long.

sometimes i feel like giving up my life.It seems that everything evolving my life seems to hate me,everything seem so wrong.My relationship with my family is getting worst.My love life sucks.My study is totally a disaster the only thing that keep me going is my friends.During lonely night, i thought about several ways to commit suicide.Maybe i can gassed my self just like the chinese guy in the faculty did,i should go to sleep then and forever..Or maybe i should comsume large amount of pills but i hate to feel the pain later.Another alternative is to hire a killer to kill my self.Hmm..or i should cut my self and let me bleed to death.The easiet way is to jump from a high building,which i think i can do that since i always have a fetish to jump from high building.I know it's crazy but i keep thinking about it everynight.One of my friend also suffered from this syndrome but she's seeking help instead,for me i didn't feel like seeking help.I feel like just ending my life.Until today i still try to get a grip..just because i have wonderful friends to keep me up.But i wonder..during lonely night..when my friends are not here...what shall happen to me??

+love me or kill me+

Futsall & Accident

Azam went back and i felt sad.I cried for the whole day thinking what happen. To cheer me up i did some shopping.Shopping was usually the best cure for my sadness but suprisingly i only felt a bit relieve not as usual.Anyway i did enjoyed my shopping session.Bought a new sport bottom and a new book called 'i'm a beleiver'.Haven't got any chance to read it yet.I only read a few pages while enjoying my lasagne at Dave Deli.I should say the lasagne is not perfectly cooked,still can feel the cold layer.Humpph...

Had a futsal session last night and a game before that.I didn't get involved with the game but nikkit did.And he got a fractured skull as a result.Hearing the news make me want to cry.She was one of my best mate.I did saw her fall yesterday,while we were cheering on her.The bad bit was she fall on her head first rather letting her body touched the ground at first contact. Then she was kinda puking and all.The most stupid thing was sport planet who was the host that night didn't have any emergency helpers or something.When we questioned them,they said they didn't expect this sort of things to happen.What the F**k?They paid RM160 to enroll the tournament and the management have the guts to say those shit??My other friends brought her to SJMC.Last thing i heard before bedtime was she was getting water dripped inside her body.I hope she will be OK.I certainly hope she will. I might be visiting her tonight with Nik.Anyway my futsal session went well as usual last night.

I thought i told azam not to call me or whatsoever but he did.He said he couldn't help himself and he missed me.I did missed him too but we are supposed to do our time off. He sounded sad when i reminded him of that,i didn't intend to hurt him.

Today...might be as usual..except i did my group presentation just now which was so crappy since i only prepared this dawn.hehehe..my mistake.Hmm..If only i have more time to spent for my study..

Opps..I Spilt The Milk

Went for a dinner with azam,i try to act sweet coz i'm trying to hang on with our relationship..heh but he didn't seem to bother..not even trying.I try to talk to him but he gone mad and for all the sudden i regret saying what i say last night and felt what i feel last night.If i knew this is going to happen, i won't spill anything..i thought he would understand my situation but the actual thing is he didn't.I know that i am wrong and i'm in a chaotic position but all i want is for him to help me out.not to blame me for all the wrong doing that i have done in order to face all the problems i have.

Rizal called and we talked about over an hour.He told me if i want to save my relationship i have to change and he accused me for not beeing strong.I was kinda mad but after sometime i think he's right.I have to change.I have to forget my so-called-social-life if i want azam.The thing is,if i don't have such life what am i supposed to do?I have no one around me.My girlfriends are so bz with their guys and my guy friends..erm..i dun want to hang out with them all the time.Maybe i should get bak to my weeping stage coz my 'get bz' plan didn't work out.I can try to tone up my bods or i can be a sim addict again..hmmm
we shall see what happen.

i should be someone better instead of ruining my life with so called 'temporary excitement'.I shall try my very best :)

Cry me A river

There's a white gold with diamond ring on my left finger that i kept wearing for the past 5 years. The ring itself have many story to tell.Someone very special gave it to me once,he said the ring symbolize his feeling towards me and as long as i have the same feeling to share with him,it shall be remain at the right place where it should be.I always cheerish my ring as i cheerish the person who gave it to me but yesterday i hurted him so bad.

He is a man who seldom cry but yesterday he cried his heart out when i told him the truth,the ugly truth that i've been hiding from him.I told him that i still love him,i still care for him but i also told him that i am no longer with him.He told me he understood but he also told me that no matter what happen,if he was lying on his death bed,i will always remain inside him.Hearing his word and seeing he took it like a man made me wept.Why didn't he just go ballistic and yell at me so that i can hate him?Why must he be a man out of him that make me feel like hugging him and tell him everything will be fine?I know that i'm cruel and it's so unfair to me.Pleeding him to stay in KL,but he said that is sort of impossible.

My man is on his highest level now.He is someone at his work,have a personality,good looks,strong character and good pay.He should be proud of himself coz he nearly achieve all his dream instead he told me he regret having what he got today because he has to sacrifice something he really treasure in his life.So i told him that's the price he got to pay.On his way to achieve what he wants,he slowly shoved me aside without realising it.But i'm happy because eventually he got what he had been dreaming on.If i ever have to leave him,i know that i leave him in a very good condition and i surely hope there will be another gurl who can take care of him they i did and see him as the way did.

i'm taking a time off for a month to see how things going.I hope i will miss him coz deep inside i still want him in my life.

T.A.B

I was thinking of getting a haircut but it didn't happen coz the student hairstylist was not there.Surely i won't be spending my rm30 to get a simple hair cut.I just want a bit of my hair beeing chopped.Not restyle it..I can do that my self if i want to.I tried to console my self by saying "long hair is so in" and then decided to find a new scrunchie for my old hair when there i met umi who was also alone.Not having my lunch yet, we headed for Dave Deli and i had a plate of lasagne.Then she said something

she:i think u should take a time off
me:time off what?
she:from your relationship with azam.imagine u won't call him for quite a long time..it's like
he's gone from your life.
me:err??
she:if u think u miss him then u know you still want him.

well i thought that was quite an idea.I should be practising that but imagining not having contact with azam suddenly make me feel weak.Maybe the distance, i mean the feel of lost will make me change my mind. Human tend to neglect the things they have and when it's gone..that's the time when we regret.Hoping we would get another chance and wishing we would appreciated of the grived lost thing better.I am azam and he is me..if anything happen between us he will always have a special place in my heart.He took a great care of me for the past 6 years..it just that the excitement is gone.I told umi that and as usual she always had something else to say.

she:if u love someone,it doesn't mean u have to enjoy beeing with him.It's the love..

hmmm..how can that be true?I am a gurl full of excitement and he is a guy who just love to laze around at home..definitely not my type.he's coming back this weekend.I'll try to talk to him,eventhough i know he will not succumb to my sugesstion.He is the man who always think he's right..and probobly think he's the greatest.

Life is just complicated isn't it?

+it's better to be love and hurt rather than not to be loved at all+

Zap zap

Spent my weekend in the Pearl of the Orient.It's quite a marvellous trip except for the tiring part..too bad we didn't have much time to spent for sight seeing.Might be going there again just to enjoy and relax.

Due to the long journey,i caught the flue for two days..leaving me feeling dizzy and wanted to pull out my nose.So i skipped class for two days and regretted it later.Especially robotic class..Yamani told me already that he wants to see my face in his class(after what-a-session) which i really really made up my mind to go but when my head was so heavy yesterday, i decided i'd rather stay with yam yam who happen to skip the job today(thanx to me for my PHD.in provokating people.)

Today,i might be watching movies together with some friends.Hmmm...Should i get a haircut?I think i'm sort of bored with my haircut..or maybe my look.For lots of woman,getting a haircut is so i need when u want to change your life.I mean,woman always get a haircut for a certain reasons like..getting dump,starting a job or when they feel so depressed.In my case..i just feel like i want a new life..hehhe?Issit relevant?But, i also want the girly-long-hair look that is so hot now.U know the 'cinta-cinta' type..hehehe

my caough is getting worst and worst everyday..should seize the smoke..

Fat ass

Finally,after a week of procrastination i managed to finish the book by Sophie Kinsella during my boring Japanese class.To me it was an amazing book, since i love to dream a lot..marry the rich and so on.And she made it so beautifully.It made me laugh and smile at the same time!If u fancy gurl power and shing shing kind of book, this book is a must.I had stop buying books for about a year ago before my life turn upside down.The last book i bought before this one is call Anne Frank's diary.It's kinda touching although by reading it i feel a bit suffocated.Well..but now i think i should be sticking back to my buying-books-habit rather than buying-shoes habit.

So..Can U keep A secret?hahah....Interesting questions.or should i say..do u do white lies?I know not all secrets have to be a lie but most of the are..reading the book make me think a bout my self.Yep..i've been keeping secrets from my parents, my boyfriends and my friends. I know that i am supposed to be honest but..ermm..sometimes..there are few things that we should keep it to ourself..to avoid confrontation and probably to please people.But it's kinda difficult not to spill it..once in a while it will be spill and i have to bear the consequences.

i went back to SA to help mom bath all my darlings and we had lunch together.While driving the car, she glance at me..especially my thigh and she gasp..

"oh my, u are getting fatter..even aunty Fatimah told me she hardly recognize u coz u have full(did she actually mean fat?) cheeks"

i was like..shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt..i knew i was fat and so far my diet plan didn't go anywhere.huhuhuhh...i tried my best to remember that i should do simple exercise everyday instead i only remember to consume more fat everynight...just before bedtime.Tsk..tsk..Maybe....maybe i should go clubbing tonight..just to loose my weight..or my fat thigh..it's a good idea isn't it?

speaking of my darlings,dad finally succeed to catch ZUES, the pedigree siamese(or stupid siamese i should say) after he ran away for about 2 days.Stupid cat..i will never forget the day he bite and scratched my hand..and let it bled even though i knew he demands for his freedom just like me.It's not my fault he's beeing kept in a cage but he is the one who doesn't know how to behave..plus if he was freed..mom probobly will cry finding him trying to copy other cats eating rubbish and leftovers from the dustbin.On the other hand,Fluffy is so getting horny that when i tried to pat her, she wanted to mate with my hand and she keep following Pete around even he is now nuetered.how horny is that??

Uncle Zahir have cancer.Lungs cancer and it has spread to his body that u could see a big lump on his back.I was mortified,even we are not that close..i was nearly on tears when mom told me the news.Not my own uncle..the one who always teased me while puffing his cigar..cigars..yep..that's what make him what he is now today.Even people know that smoking is bad for their own health but still...maybe they are waiting for it to happen to themselves..as i am writing this i am also trying to remind myself..to stop smoking..and also..i realized i haven't been seeing my family for quite a long time..i must attend all my family gathering..i must..

i didn't call azam at all yesterday till he called me with a very weak voice.He was having a high fever..and i was having a good time..his voice was so..sad coz he said the day before he got sick he was waiting for me to call him and he missed me so much till he got the 'missing-u-fever'.I dun care if he is lying to me but the idea of him lying on his bed,looking so helpless with no one around make me suddenly want to fly there..to comfort him..to take care of him.I told him to go to the clinic to see the docter instead he said he didn't need a doctor what he needed is a warm hug from me.I called him after that to check how was he doing and the first thing i woke up this morning, i did call him again.From his voice,i knew he was happy..and i was happy to know that he is happy.Afterall he is still my boyfriend.

Darn!!

I was prepared for the Face Recognition discussion..with a full mood to start a new day but as i open the lectura hall door,wishing to see Mr.WCS face instead i saw Mr.tutor(can't remember his name) face.Ughh........why should my day be spoiled by something like this.If i enter the class,all i got are just crap,crap and more crap.From the first day he teached the class, i have zero understanding .what make it more interesting is..he likes me..as in his target to ask questions or to show that my stupidity level is at the max.Not that i want to disgrade him..no..it's just that..i'm soooo frusfurated..i want to satisfy myself by showing i still CARE about my study not like other people think..(including me actually).And then i make my way to the lab..as usual.

And at 4,i'll be resiting my robotic test.I hope i can do the test..i did my studying last night in my bedroom although i must admit the were goofy elements in that session..heheheh..I screwed up on my last test..Mr.Yamani must laugh all his lungs out while reading my answer script.He must have think i'm kind of bimbo of sumthing.All though he have a cute face but his words can kill u.Uh..oh..that's remind me that i have too see him personally about my tutorial marks dispite my absentees in his class.Tsk..tsk..i sense danger abroad.

mom called..she want me to go back to S.A to bath all kitties..humm..i wish i could but when???i'm so damn bz..but i think i'll try to make it.Whatever that makes her happy..that's the least i could do after abandoning home for about 1 month,Anyway, i have to send back my car coz i'll be out of town this week.Just let Ayie use it.Even we always yell at each other and call each other stupid name, i still consider him as my brother.It's good to have him around.Once in a while we would talk about serious things that he would never tell my parents.It's like..i'm the only person he trust in the house.Well..the truth i feel same way too.Even he is such a brat, he always keep my secret as i keep his secret.Sometime i wish i have big borthers or sisters.When i'm in need to talk to someone really close,sadly no one is there for me.During my schooling years, my friends were like my sisters but now i'm no more in that world.My friends are my friends.If i have something so deep in my mind..i have to keep it myself..and make my mind became more psychotic everday..

+"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." +

attitude pleazeeee!!!!

uh,i thought i would make it to class today but hey ho..i didn't coz a friend stayed over last night and we chatted untill we forgotten that we have agendas to do the next morning.hehe..but really, i think few people are getting bored with my attitude.I have to attend class!!not only i fail to make my attendance today but it also occured yesterday..errr...the monday night..i got wasted out..so..tsk..tsk..

not only that, i also failed to follow my diet plan.:(..i tried my best not to ate dinner twice but so far everything was out of control.I have to do it coz i'm getting bloatier than ever.Amazing(?) to find that my fav jeans is so tightly worn.Oh no..i think i should try to reshrunk my self.

On weekend i did lots of shopping..until i felt so worn out..but i did enjoyed it..i always enjoy shopping.Then we went for a karaoke session.I hate my voice coz it sucks..seriously it does but anyhow i can't resist singing one or two songs and regretted it later.I must say i kinda enjoyed it.When i'm with azam,we never did this kind of things..we only cruised the mall..and visit few places..hm..i wonder why we never had this kind of excitement.

I should change my lazy attitude.Tonight i have to study(i know..i said it like 100 times)..but atleast i have a new resolution..right??uh, anyway i bought a new book call "Can u Keep a secret" by..errr..the same person who wrote..something-something shopaholic.It's a hillarious book.Hmm...how can i study when i have a good book to read??

+The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.
~ Steven Covey+

Independent woman

33 minutes past midnite..it’s merdeka day..amazingly chics stay at home tonight.Not that I was grounded or something but instead I sort of found freedom by staying home.I guess tonight thousand of Malaysian seeked for their meaning of ‘merdeka’.Some might be flooding all the celebration places or some might…passed out..hehe..This is a free country isn’t it?a country of freedom..so it’s your choice how to express your gratitude to ermm…whoever you think you should thank to.

As I was standing in my shorts and baby t, watching very very beautiful fireworks ruptured in the sky for all sudden I feel kinda inexplicable feeling inside..i feel peaceful and perhaps harmony.probobly because the sky was so beautiful or presumably because all my neighbors were joining me with their ooh and aaahhs.Even it was raining, I can see it all clearly but some faces are missing..my family and some people that I just can’t stop thinking about tonight.

Lately I kinda try to avoid seeing my parents.Usually I will never fail to reached home on every Friday evening,Saturday morning was the least but lately..ermm..i’m full with excuses. It’s not that I hate them(no, that never came across my mind) it just that..i dunno..i just feel more happy to spent my time with friends rather been left alone here.

And tonight I feel lost.. I feel that I lost my sense of loving someone that I adore for almost 6 years. He used to be my light and my life but now..tonight I feel the other way around. Maybe he should come back and be by my side like old time..holding me and tell me that he WILL NEVER LEAVE me. I hate when I missed him..I hate it when I cry,thinking about him but mostly I hate it when I have to convince my self that we can still stay together.. Even I know that I was deceiving myself. I wish he could just understand..that I really love him but he’s no longer in my heart..

I would do anything for love

I thought Wednesday was supposed to be the last day to party but instead last night i had a good time again..oh well, no harm done right?Next week i'll be back on the track.I didn't sleep till 8. am coz at 5 a.m i had to fetched yam yam who arrived from t'ganu.

It is so amazing what love can do to u,isn't it?For the sake of love people would do anything even the most dumbest thing in the world.People would even die for love..that is so true.I have friends who can transform themselves just to satisfy thier other halves..Hehehe..Hoppers became rapper and so on.Some change for the better and some...became more worst.Anyway, whatever transformation that we have..the love that we are feeling is so inspiring..that sometimes for some reason we will smile even that time there's nothing sweet or funny to smile about..and some of us blush for no reason at the wrong time..

I really love to be in love and surely to feel loved but lately..i found that love is like running away from me..When i'm so in love with someone,that someone will tend to be apart from me.Is this fate..or is this a test?Too bad i can't stand long distance relationship,i just can't..i tried my best but i guess i never fit in.All i can say is i might be alone in KL again,unlesss he would do anything for love...

+I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

- Mae West (1892-1980)+

Party is over

I had a blast on Tuesday night althought i can't recall the exact details.We went to HRC and meet up with some friends.We hang out and chill out untill 5.00 in the morning.When i woke up i already were invaded by those stupid rashes..again..
Still,last night I manage to made up my way to planet but i should say it's kinda boring..Even that happened,i still get home around 5 a.m

Anyway..Tomorrow will be a different week..No more partying..My life would be boring again..

Diet coke?

After playing futsal last night i realized my process towards collecting cellulite have to meet the end.I really look ugly in hot pants or my sporting short.Arrghhh..I have to start perishing them away..for ever !!Suprisingly, based on an article, creams or herbal thingy just won't shove cellulite away.Have to start my swimming and jogging session.Anyway, it's one of my resolution to get healthy and to curb looking and feeling old even when i'm old.According to some resource, it may happen because of taking lots of junk food..especially carbonated drinks which really describe me.I just love junk food..may be because when i was a toddler, my mom forbid and probobly curse junk food to be consume by our family.She said it's for the brain development.I wonder how is that going to work since i was still stuck in stupid phase.Anyway, i think i should do that since my legs are so ugly.I have fat legs actually..I need a killer legs!!But..no britney kinda legs..tq.

Might be going to HRC tonight.I'll be partying around this week since this is the last week for party.My housemate and i vow that we should start getting serious next week(I wish that would happen).Exam is just around the corner.I have to excell no matter what it takes,even i knew that i spent more time partying then attending classes.Somehow i have to watch myself tonite coz i have to attend my recreational class tomorrow.Hmm..I wonder if they will bar me this semester?

A bitch,a vengence and a heart of stone.

My weekend is like the other weekend.Nothing special,just spending time with azam.He left for Ipoh last night and for all that i know,i missed him..i really did.He was damn nice to me and was so patience even when i showed him my bitch attitude.I try to make him hate me and he said something like..

he:Kau cuba buat aku benci kau kan?That's why u are doing this to me.

Well,he was damn right.I did and i didn't feel bad.Not because i hate him or did it intentionally. No it's because i think it's some kind of payback. He hurted me.A lot because he left me alone, making me wept every night for him. After he's gone i struggled to adapt to my new milieu. For all i know, I succeed my attempt and slowly disregard him. But when he came back i would feel awkward coz his present seem to make me uncomfortable. I'm not use to have him around anymore. I found that all his doing is so wrong to me now. Even when he speak pleasantly to me, it just won't move me. I just can't figure out why..maybe because i'm kind of enjoying myself when he's not here to take care of me or the most suitable words ...to control me. He allowed my mind not to think of him anymore and slowly i'm having a heart of stone.I wish i could just make things right ..i wish i just can stop and hurting people..i wish i have the courage to make my decision..

On sunday due to my unbearable toothache, i went to see the dentist. I hate to go there coz even beeing a hi tech sort of girl,i hate the dentist's gadget.Uh oh..when prompting to the door, my knees weaken.I saw the 'devil machine',the one with the power to drill or do whatever that can cause blood to flow to ur teeth and gums.He was nice and gentle of course..but the moment he put his hand on the machine and start to do i dunno what to my teeth i trembled and my hand had to gripped my jeans.@#$%##.Luckily,i had no major problem,just some minor issues that can be settled by gargling with some red kinda mouthwash and rubbing some weird colourless ointment to my gums.And yes..the antibiotic(I hate medicine).He told me to pay him a visit on the becoming Saturday..Erm..thanks but no thanks.I wonder how can some people live to be a dentist?

might be going for futsal tonight after missing the monday session for about 2 weeks.Can't wait to get sweaty..

+If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone.+