Rindu

Rindu.


Dusk at my place is always beautiful. I love to peep from the window enjoying the colours of the cloud. Enjoying the smell of transition from day to hours of darkness. From my place I could see the blue dome clearly where the serenade of azan seemed so mesmerizing. An addiction since I was a toddler, when everything used to be very easy.


The feeling tainted when reaching adolescent years, had to be away from my peaceful sanctuary. That time, when dusk embarked the scenery changed. And the feeling was different. I don't remember feeling secured anymore, I guess I must left them at the place where my heart belongs.


Numerous visits to the library on certain lesson had made me a fan of one book which scripture and pictured wonderful places of the nation. So many remarkable places; sandy beaches, colourful places and heaps of eye catching photographs. Yet, one picture captured my heart.


The blue dome.


In the dark, the blue dome stood proudly within the stunning reddish clouds embrace. Even I was hundred miles apart, I swear I can smell the air. My heart ached, I never felt so lonely, so lost. That time, I would give anything just to get an inch nearer to that blue dome.


That was my first lesson in discovering the meaning of the word rindu. The feeling that struck like a lightning on the heart. The feeling that make you weak. The feeling that make you feel lost. Lonely. Cold.


As I grow older, rindu comes and goes. Sweeping like a wind. It's like one of subsistence filling.


Still throbbing, even so many experience endured.


But.. what hurt the most is when you don't know how to say it and you don't know..whether it's worth to feel that feeling.


Rindu, I wish you would just go away..

Srikandi!

Srikandi of 937, my lovely sisters.

Hello bunnies,
How was your weekend? One activity of last weekend was playing futsal. Actually it was more towards practicing for the STF 50 year's anniversary futsal tournament. Oh, maka disini saya mengambil kesempatan nak marah sape-sape yang tak datang hari tu sebab bapak letihhh ok main futsal 8 orang. Nak terkeluar jantung aku, tak bunny lansung dah tau. Ok back to formal mode.


Alma mater was one of the places full of memories, especially if you were sounded day and night with wonderful people for 5 years. I hate schooling and authorities but I would have to say that I if was not one of srikandi, I won't be the person who I am today [haha]. Seriously.


I was not what you called an active student at school, I was only active at night doing some other activities which was not listed in our school curriculum. I thought, why should I? But after I went out and encountering the real world, how I wish I could go back and make few contributions.


I wanted to write lots of things actually, but somehow I just can't inscribe it. What I can say is I miss my old days there and I am proud to be one of srikandi. One of hundred things I like about being in that place was, we were treated equally despite coming from various backgrounds. STF never discriminate its fellow students based on wealth, looks or states you came from. But if you are a nerd, don't come and talk to me or you have to bear the stares. Kidding.


It doesn't matter if your parents own billions in the Swiss bank or not, it doesn't matter if you talked craps all the time, it doesn't matter if you failed your Chemistry constantly, you will still stand like the rest, wearing a pair of keji black heels with socks to school while running around the tennis court 10 times for not being punctual to the senaman pagi, yet still be loved by everyone. Where else can you grope boobs and asses without being given slaps? Even when I screwed up couple of times, I know that my sisters would never discriminate me and the same stories go for them. Called me poyo, I dun give a fuck.


I even told nicky that if she was born a guy instead of a girl, I would definitely marry her. But that's not my point.




It's our golden jubilee this year. In conjunction of celebrating 50 years anniversary of Sekolah Tun Fatimah, our batch 937 will be holding a futsal match open to all SBP. This is one of the activities which have been planned. Perhaps some of you already heard it but perhaps some don't. If you are a girl and you came from SBP environment, you are welcome to join the tournament since there are still rooms for few alumni. Come and join the fun, bring back those PPM memories. For guys, I think we have already met the quota. To get more info, kindly click here.


The 937 batch itself send a team to present our alumni. Hah, not that I'm not excited about the tournament, but I am more excited thinking about our outfit. Aku nak jahit sequin butterfly dekat baju tu boleh tak, bena? Gaya itu penting, at least kalau tak menang, kalah bergaya. Haha [touch wood]


Sponsors are mostly welcome. Come on, take a look at the picture and see all that dazzling smiles, we can smile better with your contributions. What is money compare to good deeds that you give to us and you would never know what other opportunities might arise. Email me for any sponsorship offerings. I promise I will be nice. Extra nice in fact.


Last but not least


Happy 50th Anniversary STF.


You shall be treasured.

Signal please

Ye, siapa yang cakap pompuan ni sangat complicated. Itu adalah salah ok, sebenarnye perempuan bukan sangat complicated tetapi hanyalah complicated sahaja. Takde perkataan sangat itu ok. Lepas tu kan pernah tak rasa macam pompuan ni sukela bagi mix signal. Skejap nak, skejap macam tak nak.Mana satula weyyy, make up your mind, woman. Sebenanye senang je, kalau perempuann ni nak, dia akan cakap nak but bila dia tak nak, macam-macam jawapan yang keluar.


Friendster/Myspace.
Tempat yang sangatla common untuk mengorat sekarang. Cuma perlu browse and pilih mana yang berkenan, macam catalog ok.Lepas dah pilih, pikirlah ayat apa nak tulis. Masa nila segala sweet talking keluar. "you have the sweetest smile", "how come an angel like you are still single" atau pon puisi-puisi yang entah dari mana datang tah.Panjang dia adala lebih 300 perkataan. Tapi jadi sengal bila perempuan tu cuma balas ..


"Ok.Tq"


Wah. Sudah jelas dia tidak suka, tetapi mengapakah si dia membalas dan berkata thank you kepadaku? Mungkinkah perempuan ini bz?Takpe, cuba lagi.


"Kenapa balas sikit je?Bz? bla..bla..bla..Love you saryunk" [tolongla, sape yang tulis fancy-fancy macam ni mmg keji ok]


Mungkin lelaki itu akan mendapat jawapan..
a)What the fuck?
b)Hehe
c)Tiada jawapan.


Walaupun ketiga-tiga jawapan ini berbeza susunan perkataannya tetapi ia membawa maksud yang satu iaitu "What the fuck?". Janganlah ingat perkataan "hehe" itu membawak maksud dia sedang mengekek suka membaca mesej itu atau pun dia sedang riang ria, sebenarnya dia tak tahu hendak berkata apa tetapi masih cuba polite lalu memberikan satu sengihan keji.


Tak semua pompuan suka di puji tak bertempat. It's like, compliments are not that cheap, okess. Ini menunjukkan lelaki itu keji dan corny.


Lupakan.Cari sahaja method atau perempuan lain.


Office
Ternampak satu pompuan yang bolehla tahan kan. Setelah berjaya mengusha line dari ofismet yang lain, dapatla tau pompuan ni single.Wah, mungkin aku boleh try! Alangkah indah dunia kalau dapat sebab boleh lunch skali, balik skali. Ohhhhhhhhhhh cintaaaaaaa


Fist step, try borak dulu diselangi dengan lawak-lawak,yelah pompuan suke lelaki kelakar. Respon agak memberansangkan. Dia ketawa ketawa mendengar jokes yang sejak dari form 3 dah praktik and nampak macam interested dengan ape bende yang lelaki tu crite.Lepas dah gelak-gelak mintaklah YM ID pulak. Smooth tak?Hihi


Respon dekat YM pon ok. Apalagi, untuk lebih kiut, lelaki tu pon menggunakan ikon-ikon yang comel. Sebelah tangan dah kebas gile ok and satu keje tak siap, tapi takpe, layann. Last-last before balik keje, mintak no telefon.Malam ni bolehla calling-calling.


Pompuan tu tak bagi. Tak apa, cubalah try cara yang lain. Ajak keluar plak cakap saje-saje nak minum or tau ada satu tempat makan yang best. Tapi dia tak mau jugak. Lepas tu korang try lagi tapi lama-lama pompuan tu macam cold and macam selalu tak layan lelaki tu dah dekat YM, nak kata bz gile takde pulak status idle.

Apa yang buat lelaki tu pelik, semasa berselisih di cafeteria, pompuan tu still senyum manja and layan borak


Tidak, dia senyum bukan dia nak kat kaulah, dia senyum sebab takkanla dia nak biarkan kau senyum sorang-sorang?Kau ingat die keji sangat ke?


Lupakan. Cari sahaja yang lain.


Club.
Skali tu kan nampakla dua orang budak perempuan duduk-duduk minum di depan bar. So, lelaki tu pon start the engine, kasi warm up dulu.Alah perempuan kelab, komfem senang.Susun ayat, bagi business card dan tryla bincang pasal club apa yang hip dan happening sekarang..Ianya lagi mudah jika lelaki tersebut memegang botol corona. Pemangkin, kata orang.


Perempuan itu ketawa-ketawa bila lelaki mula bercerita karut. Untuk menghangatkan keadaan lelaki itu mula offer membelikan dia air tetapi pompuan tu tidak mahu. Try ajak dia menari, dia nak tapi kawan dia tadi mestilah ikut sekalila.Iye, dia mahu menari sudah bagus.


Akhir sekali lelaki itu bertanya "Jomla ikut I balik malam ni". Si dia tidak setuju tapi kedua-duanya berdua bertukar-tukar nombor telefon.Sebelum berlalu kedua-duanya berbalas senyuman


Keesokan harinya lelaki itu trus meng-sms pompuan tu ajak keluar tetapi setiap kali tu lah dia bagi macam-macam excuse. Demm, dah terase macam pompuan tu try mengavoidkan diri Tapi kenapala, malam tadi segala-salanya hangat? Kenapa?


Kenapa?Sebab kau awal-awal dah bagi hint nak ajak mainla bodoh.
Komfemlah kau telah dikeji.


Lupakan. Main sahaja dengan permainan yang ada.



Mana-mana pon boleh.
Tak kesahla kat mana-mana or macamana, dapat berkenalan dengan sorang perempuan. Dia mengaku dia baru sahaja dikecewakan.Dia tidak lagi percaya dengan mana-mana lelaki. Walaupun dia dalam keadaan kusut masai, lelaki tu tetap berminat.


Pompuan tu layan baik aje. Bolehla borak dekat telefon cakap bende ngarut. Kadang-kadang kuar makan, lepak-lepak and macam-macamlah.So, lelaki tu pun fikir, mungkin aku boleh merawat lukanya.Yeah, right.


Jadi lelaki pun mulalah bagi hint- hint yang komfemla, budak tadika pon boleh tangkap ok. Akan tetapi, hints itu ditepis satu persatu namun si dara pujaan masih tetap seperti dulu.Sehinggalah pada suatu hari lelaki tu betul-betul tak tahan dan meluahkan rasa hati. Mungkin dia akan berkata


a) Berkata "Give me a chance, let me make you happy again"
b) Straight pegi bagi cincin mase birthday dia and proposed.


Untuk kedua a) dan b) dia berkata "give me sometime".


Yang membawa maksud,sebenarnya


"Tak nakkkkkk!!"


Mungkin boleh cuba lagi tetapi haruslah bersedia untuk mendapat barah otak. Dan ingatlah don't ever use these keji words kelak


"Yelah, masa you boring aje carik I" ataupun
"Eleh, macamlah kau cun sangat"


Ceh, apa die la weyyy..dah sah-sahla she only wants to be friend.


Carilah yang lain. Tak elok menaruh harapan. Sandarkan pada kenangan cukuplah.


Oklah. Terpaksa buat-buat bz agar tidak menyesal di kemudian hari.
Tata.

Treasured

I loveeee

Had dinner with my sisters, had a blast. To korang semua yang gigam [gila gambar], thank you so much. Saaayang korang sangat..sangat..sangat. And I was surprised with a bouquet of flowers. To that person, thanks, it was really sweet of you. On top of everything, someone I adore wished me happy birthday three times on different hour which keep me smiling the whole day. I likeeeeee!


Now, I was in the office yesterday when my phone buzzed displaying only the word "call" without any number. Meaning, call from oversea. There are two particular persons in mind, Fahimi or Aimee. But to my surprise, it wasn't one of them instead it was my dad. This was so extraordinary. Over the moon!


He said he suddenly think of me and decided to hear my voice. We talked for 15 minutes and he asked how are things on my side. He asked me whether I'm doing ok, whether I skipped meals or not and so on. Actually I was expecting the phrase "Happy birthday, Nina" but being Mr. Ros Kamal , it is his nature to forget every crucial details of the family. Last year he didn't wish at all and last two years he wished me a week later and was surprised that I had already turned 23.But yeah, his call really made me smiling the whole day. Later that night, on my way to meet the teteks my dad called again, this time he said


"Selamat harijadi yang ke 21!"

21? Wahh! I told him it's 26 and he just made an unbelievable sound and laughed.


Aww, I miss you too ayah! *hugs*


When I reached home, my mum went out for some appointments. On my bed there was a card and nicely wrapped box. Hehe, actually this was something predictable, my mom's custom since we were toddlers.


Your birthday tells a story
About a daughter
Too special for words,
About hope realized,
memories to keep, and dreams
waiting to come true.


Your birthday tells a story
About how beautiful
A life can be
When it holds
As much warmth,
And friendship,
And love,
And yours does..


That's why
Today is so important
To everyone
Who knows you
And loves
The wonder person
You are.


Sweet indeed but what really touched my heart was what she wrote after that.


She wrote..
I would be very happy if:-
1. U continue praying
2. U stop smoking
3. U smile more and be cheerful
4. N last of all U refresh your lost love with......


My eyes were watery when I reached number 3. Smile more and be cheerful. She must be so devastated seeing me in my misery and swollen eyes.


My tears become heavier when I unwrapped the gift. It was a beautiful pair of diamond earrings wrapped in a blue velvet case that came along with a blue box.

Emak, you are trillion times wonderful and valued compared to those tiffany & co earrings you bought me.


I really love you. So much.

Go Shawty!

Hah. Am so happy today. Tonight me and the teteks are having dinner at midvelli and it's been a while since I saw nicky. I miss her so much and her yummy err..nevermind, aku terlupa dia dah kawen.Hehe.


Earlier yesterday I was feeling gloomy coz I thought I don't have a reason to be happy for this year's birthday but I was wrong. I have lots of wonderful people around me, be it teteks or not. Thank you for every single call and every single sms. They really make my day!


Kite tak larat ok.


Anyway, another birthday meaning another wish [no, please don't remind me of the-another-year-older-part, thank you]. For this year, I wish for.. I just wish to be happy.

A year older, a year wiser.Who am I kidding?Haha

Actually I wanted to wish for Cape town, Bengal tiger or Manolos but they are quite complicated and adalah agak mustahil so I wish for the simplest thing ajelah.


Ok. Time to blow the candle, sunshine.


So bunnies, where is my albino phytonlaaa?

Late Comer

I arrived at the office one minute late.One minute.But still the receptionist insisted me to write my name on the late arrival.Apa die HR pon kene tulis nama datang lambat? Takkan aku nak issue warning letter dekat diri sendiri kot?Ciss.Macamana aku boleh jadi HR pon, I oso dunno.


I mean I am supposed to supervise diciplinary matters among the workers sedangkan aku? Haha.


Ok, basically it was my fault that I turned up late coz I slept kinda late yesterday. I am still thinking of what kind of excuses or explaination shall I put on the report for turning late to work. Kalau jem tak logik, semua orang tau aku tinggal dekat dengan ofis. Kereta rosak..macam tak best. Tapi tak apalah, I mean today is monday kan..so I need to do something exciting on the weekend or else I'll turn up to work with the instict to strangle myself.


Enough of blabberinglah ok bunnies. Dowan to kacau you all membuat kerja, you bunch of industrious freaks =P. Anyway, Happy Monday!

Bunga dan kumbang

Bunga bukan sekuntum, kumbang bukan seekor.


Ever heard of it before?Sure you do, or else please check your SPM transcript whether you passed or failed.


Me and my hot sisters were lepaking at KLCC when we came out with a terminology. Actually it was Fadzi's tapi telah di tambah-tambah oleh perempuan-perempuan yang keji lain-lainnye [seres berbelit ayat ni k]


Yeah, yeah..If one kumbang left you, don't weep instead find another kumbang.Memangla banyak kumbang ye, but most of those who are available are cacat due to mutation caused by ermm..mungkin racun rumput or kecacatan semulajadi.


Kes pertama, ada kumbang yang sangat berhati ikhlas akan tetapi sangat slow.Merangkak-rangkak. Kadang-kadang siap boleh berhenti kat tepi,tido.Kalau bernasib malang, mungkin dia terperangkap di bawah daun atau batu which will bring to kecacatan kekal such as tempang ke, hilang deria perjalanan [sense of direction.haha]. Sebab sengal and lembab gile, die lepak jela situ sebab sebenanye tak reti nak buat macamana.Macam tu bila nak sampai k? Sampai bilala bunga nak mengembang. Dalam 2/3 hari layula..Lepas tu bila layu,cakapla bunga dah tak sweet lagi.


Kes kedua, ada kumbang yang laju jugak. Laju gilela, stok yang full blast. Sambil terbang tu siap boleh menyanyi-nyanyi riang. Memangla bagus tapi...half way dah pancit.Lepas tu startla slow, bapak slow and if you are unlucky enough, probobly die terus berhenti.Tayahla pegi dekat bunga, banyak lagi benda yang boleh aku ngorat seperti erm..sumpah-sumpah atau pun mengkarung.


Ada jugak kumbang yang steady, cool aje. Terbang pon rilek-rilek but then bila dah nak sampai dekat bunga kumbang tersebut jadi menggelupur, tak tau pasal apala.Banyak faktor yang menyumbang ke atas kegelupuran itu. Tapi yang pasti, sebelum dia hinggap dekat sang bunga awal-awal dia dah u turn.Celake punya kumbang.Main-main ye?


Yang keempat, ada jenis kumbang yang belum terbang dah nervous.Nervous gila.So bila dia mula mengepakkan sayap, tiba-tiba dia jatuh lalu mati. Ataupon berpura-pura mati menggunakan tektik penyamaran.Ni kumbang yang saiko atau ada masalah dalaman. Elok dirotan aje kumbang macam ni.


Lima, ada kumbang yang malas nak buat apa-apa, mengharapkan bunga datang. Kalau morning glory bolehla menjalar-jalar k.Tapi kalau aku menjalar kang kau takutla pulak. Ni tak, nak bunga yang stok wangi-wangi macam bunga ros or lilies tapi malas nak bergerak.Kalau kau malas nak bergerak kumbang, baik kau bercinta dengan mende-mende menjalar such as ular, tembikai or ubi kayu[aku tak surela ubi kayu menjalar ke tak tapi takpe].


Tapiii, yang paling keji sekali ialah kumbang yang terbang-terbang lepas tu khayal. Macam menikmati panorama dulu kan..bila macam dah sampai bukan nak aim satu bunga, tapi semua bungala die nakkkk..bapak kejilah ok!


So bunga apa citela?Bunga akan macam biasa.Mula-mula budding, kemudian bila terasa akan ada kumbang nak datang dia akan mula mengembang, ikut arah cahaya matahari.Tapi bila tunggu punya tunggu punya tunggu punya tunggu, kumbang tak datang-datang jugak,lama-lama dia menguncup. Tapi akan try kembang balik bila rasa mcm ada kumbang nak datang.


And the same things go on and on. Tapi, macam cikgu geography cakap, kalau asyikla kembang kuncunp, kembang kuncup...lama-lama luluhawalah ok!


Wahh!Takutnya bila membayangkan proses-proses luluhawa itu.Demm.


Akan tetapi we do believe that kumbang yang normal are still out there cuma tataula derang kat mana.Weyyyy..manala???


Berakhirlah presentation saye.Sekian.


Dah..dah pegi buat keje.

Wahhhhh!

Am working on contract basis for few months while waiting for whatever it is. For the reason that I am a maybank account holder, I had to open another account from other bank that my company liaised with. So, yesterday I went to the nearest branch, the DRB Hicom. After filling up some shitty forms the lady told me that I had to go to the MRCB branch instead. No biggie I thought, I could pick up that baskin robin's ice cream on the way there. Drool.


Went to the usual spot where I used to overlook the robin's kiosk only to found out that they had shifted. Hah! As a replacement I bought my orgasmic drink, the ice blended choc and straight away went to MRCB.


I parked the car at the place where my mum used to park the car despite the 'zon tunda' sign. Whatla to worrykan, mak aku selambe je park situ plus banyak je kereta park situ. Went inside the bank and get things done. Around 3.50 pm I pushed the door and walked towards my car. For far I could see the spot was clear. Not even a single car padahal tadi banyak gile kereta ok. Fuck. Janganlah cakap kereta aku kene tow. Praying hard I walked further only to find that my car was not there. Vanished. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh! Adakah kereta aku sudah kene tow? Aku juga rasa begitu.


Demmit!
Walau segala carutan yang ada dalam dunia ini sekalipun tidak akan dapat merobahhh keadaan.


I walked while thinking hard. Then I saw an abang in a blue uniform with MBSA logo on his shirt. First thing that came across my mind was..the usual thing. Put my act together and ehe..pujuk that abang. Lucky me I was wearing a buttoned cardigan[haha]. Itula Nikkit, korang suka sangat suruh aku berkeji dengan pihak berkuasa bila kene tahan, kan dah menjadi suatu habit sekarang. Sheesh. But apalah guna mengorat abang itu bila keretaku sudah hilang dari pandangan? Tiada gunanyaaaaaaaaaaa. Sia-sia sahaja pembelajaranku selama inih!


Despite being in the menggelupur state, my mind was still working. I had to go back to the office coz I had something to deliver and had something to discuss with my subordinates. Had two options; one to call my boss and tell her that I won't be coming back to the office today second, take a cab to the office. But then I thought of something, I should take the other car instead, despite aku memang fail bawak kete auto. Ah!Belasah ajelah.


Finally I took a cab home and found myself driving that auto car. Nasibla rumah aku dekat, cubala kalau rumah aku dekat parit buntar komfem kejung k.


Yesterday must be totally a shitty day coz instead of driving straight to the office, I found myself driving to auto bavaria , the place where my brother works.


Apalah kenenye aku ini?


When I reached office, the peramah abang guard shot the breeze
"Eh, kenapa kereta sudah lain. Ni awak ni macam tak reti je bawak kete auto?". I responded by giving him a smile walaupun dalam hati aku rasa nak langgar je dia itu. Jangalah kamu sekelian menyimbah minyak kepada api yang sedang marak menyala okaysss.


Later that night, I told my mum about the news on the phone since she was out of Klang Valley. Her reaction? She went ballistic. Am so gonna get fried.


Today am going to call that keji MBSA and ask them how to get my car back. For sure it will cost me my shoes allocation for next month. Which is sooooooooooo tak boleh aku terima.


Pray for me okay bunnies?

Negligence

I was getting ready for PGLtM when a black SUV arrived in front of my house. Never saw that car before but not the driver. I met him the day before while I was enjoying my time shopping.


The first time I saw him was when I was 16. We clicked right away after he threw me his lame pick up line. It was lame all right but somehow they amused me. The relationship went on for 8 months, 8 weird months. We are more like friends than a couple. I don't even feel that he was significant at all. Haha


A day before, someone tapped my shoulder while I was enjoying my ice-cream. After 9 years I saw his face. I thought I would never see him again. He was with a kid.


"So you are married?" But he didn't nod.
"I have a son but am not married."
"Ahh..ok"
"But will be..soon"


And last Friday I saw him running trying to get away from the rain. I asked him what was he doing at my place at this time. He said he needed someone to talk. Haha, see when you don't leave your number that person will just ambush your house. Great.


He used to look cheerful, no matter what happened but today he looked far more than happy..


"What do you think of me when we used to be together?"


I nearly laughed. What do I think of him? I don't know. Perhaps he left a bad impression. He taught me everything, well almost everything bad. Which is not good


"What do you want to hear? And why?"


He smiled, more like a forceful one to me.


"Do you think I'm a bad person? I mean, do you feel neglected when you are with me?"


The truth is I don't coz we were far away and 16 was the time when you have fun with your friends. So I said no but I might if that happens today. And the he began his side of the story.


Dated a girl for 3 years and was blessed with a son last year. Being Chinese and with no faith in God it shouldn't be any problem. The problem started when he felt comfortable. Too comfortable. Busy with his feng tau life, business and his uh-ohh friends he hardly gives attention to his girlfriend. Not that he didn't gave any but perhaps it's adequate, to him but not to her.


I asked him what were the things that he did to signify that he already gave his best. Well, he was a bit reluctant to tell but he said that he didn't want to give all his time and love just for someone coz he doesn't want to be drowning too deep. He told me, there were times when he really missed her and loved her but he decided to keep to himself. He even sometimes refrained himself from doing sweet things even though he knew those gestures will make her happy. Never returned her call and used to take things easy between them. It's not that he doesn't love her, he did but he wanted it to be in control. He taught he was in the lead whereby the girl surely can't live without his presence; no matter what he did, she will always be there for him. For 3 years, he didn't even really bring his girlfriend to functions or even casual outing with friends. He prefers her to stay home or stay out of his way. Yet he claimed, he loves her. I'm like..What??


Now, after 3 years, the girlfriend finally had enough and decided to leave him, and taking with her the baby. She claimed that she is very tired to remain invisible, to remain not important and to bear unappreciated. She had enough. She needs to feel the true meaning of being love. The day that I saw him with the baby was the day he actually took the boy without the mother's knowledge. Losing her is already unbearable but losing the baby is more than that.


I can't dive in his feeling because I don't have a baby[obviously, hah!] and I don't understand how come he claimed he loves her yet treated her like she's nobody in his life? But I guess what he felt is genuine seeing his watery eyes. Damn Danny. I never thought you could cry, I thought your heart was built out of stone.


I can just listened coz I don't really know what to say. Maybe it's because one, we haven't spoken a word since 1997 and suddenly he came to me and confided me his story and second I can't really be supporting him coz what he did doesn't seemed right to me.


He wants to marry her but she didn't even want to see his face anymore. Now he said, all those money and entertainment doesn't mean anything any longer. Everyday when he walks into the house it sounded so quiet and empty. He used to detest calls from her on his outing with his friends but now how he wish the phone would ring.


He apologized for coming in such a sudden, I said it's ok. And I said..


"Remember the time when I asked for us not to be together and you never want to let it go? Because you said even you were not sure about your feeling that time but you still want to hang on because not having anyone was unbearable? You make me wonder today whether you really love her or it's because you just don't want to be alone.."


He gave me a frown.


"I love her, really.. but I was too afraid to show because I thought I don't want to get hurt but yeah, actually not showing her enough are even hurting"


True Danny, it hurts even more..to you and to her.
After he left, I continued what I left before he arrived but with a lump in my throat.

Wahh!!

I might be sitting at home alone tonight, probably isap rokok sampai mati.Haha.


What more funnier, most of the people who managed to say hi to me asked me out for dinner or whatever, today but the one and only person yang aku nak sangat jumpa and hug doesn't even want to see me.


I feel so unloved and depress k.


Tak bunny lansungla macam ni.

Hugs and kisses

Dear bunnies,


Happy valentines' day!!


Love u all from bits to pieces.


Mwah..mwahhhhhh!!

xoxox
chics

Kejinye saye

Dear Adlin Aman Ramlie,
You make my heart bergetar you know..


I love you lahhhh...

Bodolaaa

Hai arnab-arnab[bunnies].Apa khabar awak semua? Saya baik walaupun hari sangat panas sekarang.


Sebenarnya saya baru pulang dari kawasan lembah pantai.Mula-mula saya pergi ke Universiti Malaya untuk menyetelkan beberapa benda. Wah, nampaknya saya sempat juga sesat disitu. Celaka, apsal banyak tempat dah berubah?Fakulti saya ada perubahan juga. Tetapi ketakutan saya pada zaidi razak masih tidak berubah. Saya masih menggelupur kalau-kalau saya bertemu dengan beliau.


Sangat best hari ini. Setelah berasa muda dan merounding UM saya pergi ke tempat yang biasa dituju sekiranya malas pergi kelas iaitu Midveli. Sangatlah best memakan baskin robin di masa waktu orang bekerja sambil berjalan-jalan. Seperti biasa saya telah membeli barang-barang untuk kesedapan diri sendiri. Beli punya beli saya berasa lapar dan pegilah untuk memakan tengahari.Sedang saya makan, saya pon berangan mengenai barang-barang yang telah saya beli.Sekali baru saya terperasan, barang tersebut sudah tiada di sisi saya.Menggelupurla aku skejapkan.lalu saya bangun sambil memegang beg tangan. Yelah, takkan aku nak carik tinggal beg.kang beg pulak hilang. Sekali rupanya tertinggal kat front desk. Hah, suke sbb dah jumpa, boleh sambung makan balik k.Tapiiiiiiiiii..keji sungguh org tukang kemas itu, sebabkan dia dah kemaskan kesemua spaghetti vongole itu.Wahh!! Marah


Kemudian kan, bila terasa tak tau nak buat apa, so balikla. Before balik, kenela bayar parking kan.Wah, di mana tiket parking ku? Chics memang ada satu penyakit, dia tak boleh pegang tiket parking dan dia ada penyakit imnesia tentang tempat dia memarking kereta. Celake, janganlah hilang. So kan, terpaksa buat-buat cool sambil carik tempat duduk.Dengan tenang saya membuka beg dan mencariknya. Mula-mula tenangla k, tapi dah dekat 15 menet aku carik tak jumpa..takde tenang2 lagi derr. Tapi takpe, jangan panic, kita carik alernatif lain.


Maka saya pon jalanlah kearah tempat mula-mula kereta nak masuk parking. Dengan kejinya aku berlakon sebagai kereta nak masuk dan menekan butang "press the button" untuk mendapatkan tiket. Tapi celake punya mesin, jangan kata nak keluarkan tiket, nak nyalakan lampu pon tak nak. Ceh. Series ok, untuk pertama kali saya menyesal kerana berat badan saya tidak sepeti kereta. Tau tak betapa susahnya nak berlakon. Dengan nak kaver dengan kereta -kereta yang lalu lalang lagi, nak kaver dengan pak guard lagi..mana nak berlakon jadi kereta lagi.Ingat senang ke?Hoh.


Last-last sekali, surrender jela. Dengan lemah longlai campur malu[keji gile ok] saya berjalan ke kaunter dan membayar kompaun.


Bodola. Sia-sia bayar 20 inggit Baik aku beli earring, siap boleh dapat 6 lagi.Ceh!


Anyway, happy working bunnies. Jom makan baskin robin jom?.Haha.


Pistachio with almond and caramel pecan with hot choc topping.
Uhhhh!

Chaotic

"I study psychology to understand what I am going through and what are the things that's been bothering me" A dear friend said to me as she read her psychology book.


I said to her "Well, hurry up I rather pay my friend rather than some doctor. I am seeing one you know" with a smile. I thought she would chuckle or at least smile but she frowned and looked at me deeply.


"Actually chics, you don't need psychologist or what ever. It's inside. Be strong inside"


Be strong inside. Inside.


What compose you to be strong inside? Besides God of course.


There are times when we feel so strong. Times when we feel we can overcome almost anything. I too, have my own strong moments.


I am not born genius yet I didn't bother much about my study. It's like if I passed, oh..ok and if I failed, oh..ok. Unaffected expression.. When I got my PMR result, the first person I broke the news to was my mom, she was so happy that she cried [ok, now I feel like I am such an idiot that she might cried of disbelief]. I was pleased but it wasn't adequate to make my tears drop. All I think was to relinquish my schooling in JB and continue my education in Shah Alam so I can have splendid time socializing and be closer to my crush er..friends I mean. I thought I wouldn't shed any tears but then when my dad arrived at the doorstep, it's a different story. My dad is an eventful person. I only see him like two weeks a year or more if I'm lucky enough. That time he was a having a big project that he couldn't even spent his time visiting me at school. But he came home immediately after he heard the news even though he's not supposed to. My dad.. to abandon his job is something out of this world. Yet he did, for me. The moment he hugged me, I feel so big, so strong. If there's a brick happened to batter me on my head, I would still be alive. And smiling.


MJ is like my heart and soul. I adopted her from her mom since she was 6 weeks. She was still hooked with her mom's breast milk that time and was not able to consume solid food. Despite going for parties and some hectic schedules, I would wake up around 6 in the morning to bottle her with animal milk everyday. And once a week, I would bathe her. During classes, I always wonder if she is doing ok or the other way around. So, when she fell sick it was overpowering. Her body temperature was hot and she hardly ate anything. She didn't even move an inch, just laying around helplessly without a single mew. In my experience, she probably would have at least 4 days to survive. That can't be happening. Not to my MJ. I did my best to help her. I woke up every 3 hours at night to feed her water to ensure that she won't get dehydrated and try to feed her soft food. My mom was at Jakarta that time. Sometimes after feeding her medication and saw no improvement, I would go out for a ciggie and cried alone. It may sound stupid to cry over a cat but to me, it's reasonable [shut up, no argument on this k]. But then one evening while I was reading a magazine besides her, she mewed. I lifted my head and I saw her staggering towards me. Do you know how that felt? It's feel like when rammed your mom's beamer onto a tree instead of getting yelled, your mom says it's ok and stay with you all the way on your visit to the doctor. And she hugged you which make you weep even more. You feel weak but so strong at the same time.


Those are some of my strong moments. When I think of my others strong moments, I could only find two similarities.


Love and appreciation.


When you feel loved, when you feel appreciated, you will feel strong.


So far I have two of those three in me.
Am still seeking for the other one..


Oh, on the other news, storytella updated.After sometimes, yeah I know.

Fishing me eh?

Hello bunnies.. How are my bunnies doing? I pening kepala sketla, maybe pasal terlebih tido, maklumla tak keje..Hohohoh.


Anyway, do you realized what months is this hu? It's february all right. The month for aquarius and pisces. Now, today I nak cakap sket pasal pisces. See the picture above?So the lemah gemalai kan?Itulah I.Haha


Nola, actually we pisces are very sensitive people. Sensitif yang tahap dewa punya. Kejap-kejap nak merajuk, kejap-kejap nak naik angin. Tapi kalau pisces mengamuk sangatla tak best sbb selalunyela kan, orang yg berbintang pisces ini, mulutnya sangatla bisa [tak caya meh kiss sket, hehe]. Akan tetapi pisces juga adalah sangat penyayang dan sangat passionate dan selfless. Selalu nak pikir pasal orang padahal diri sendiri macam tahaper-haper ntah.


Ok macam boring pulak. Takla, what I'm trying to say is, if you love a pisces, they will love you back with their whole heart and the weakness is because they are so sensitive and intuitive so cinta merupakan perkara yang agak melemahkan bagi mereka ini.


According to one website the best mate for pisces are sagi and scorpio. I dunno how true is that but how about pisces and pisces?


I received an email on this stating that pisces and pisces akan selalu bercakaran sebab dua-dua super sensitive, dua-dua pengamuk dan perajuk but in the bedroom..they are like..fire. Hahaha.Fire I likee.


Okla, bodoh. See I told you I am a bit pening k. No, sebenanye what I try to tell you guys is..yang sebenar-sebenarnye ialah..


Wey, birthday aku dah dekat. And an albino phyton would be nice.


Tengkiu.
Cintailah pisces.Hehe

Oh looks

Me: You know, I have rashes all over my body.I think I need to see a doctor.
Him:Really.Kesiannya dia.Do they attack your face?
Me: Adala sikit.Gatal sangat ok.
Him:Don't scratch them ok.Kalau u garu yang dekat muka you, I tak nak kawan dengan you dah.
Me: Haha.Jahatnya you ni. *giggles*
Him: I'm serious, siapa nak dengan orang yang muka berbintik parut? So please don't scratch.*serious tone*
Me:Huh?


WTF is that all about?


He is around 30's. He's fair, tall with sharp features. Model materials. Currently residing in south Malaysia and occasionally comes to KL. We met somewhere in a hot spot in KL and he asked for my number. Constantly, he calls me everyday which I always try not to pick up his calls. I even come out with lame excuses whenever he's in KL. I am a moron, I know but somehow I feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I have my own reasons.


I thought by being 30 a guy would somehow find his maturity. He once told me while I was preparing lunch for my family that he was broken hearted by a girl who from his description was kind of gorgeous and now he's only looking for someone loyal. The rest is not important.


Hah!


Even when I hang out with my guy friends, they would always asked me this question without fail.


"Bila kau nak kenalkan aku dengan kawan-kawan kau yang cun?Yang cun je la kalau tak single pon takpe"


Apa korang ingat aku ni ibu ayam? Sorry, but I loathe people, be it man or woman who tend to go for looks barely. Yes, looks is also important but at least let personality and compatibly play their part. Apakah erti kalau lelaki muka hensem but when you talk with them, they don't understand even a simple intellectual conversation that you tried to converse and instead make fun of your every single serious conversation? Or when you talk with a drop dead gorgeous girl when all they did was throwing you some silly giggles and talked about boring-boring stuffs? Perhaps it's tolerable for some people but to me, it's kind of mencabar my intellectuality [not that I have much but at least some]. But if they come with the combination of good looks and nice personality, that's a bonus and haha..good luck in grabbing them.


What happen to those with wits, intellect and credibility but granted with medium or below medium appearance? And those who comes with sincerity and pure sense of loving?


Maka beginilah jadinya. Always we heard that people say "Aku tak puas hati apsal mamat hensem tu nak dekat dengan miss XYZ, dia bukannya cun pon." Which I always reply with a smile but actually what I wanted to say is


"Because some people is not shallow as you are, luv". Perhaps he sees something that you don't. Howla to see when you are so busy scrutinizing only the surface?Kau ingat semua yang hensem and semua yang cun tu best ke?Hah, tell me about it.


Anyway, the conversation did make me think of people perception towards me although it didn't bother me that much. Perhaps, people don't quite take me seriously. I mean what I offer which cannot be seen in a glace can appears not important. Once I asked a question to a guy who I used to date.


Me: You sayang I banyak mana?
He: Banyak sangat.
Me: Kalau I gemuk you sayang I tak?Kalau I gemuk macam syanie?
He: Erm..* long pause* Sayangla..hehe*nervous laugh*


Tsk..

Abihla aku bila dah tua nanti.


I guess today's choices are more drawn to good looks and cleavage and ahh..one more thing, money. Hehe.