Independent woman

33 minutes past midnite..it’s merdeka day..amazingly chics stay at home tonight.Not that I was grounded or something but instead I sort of found freedom by staying home.I guess tonight thousand of Malaysian seeked for their meaning of ‘merdeka’.Some might be flooding all the celebration places or some might…passed out..hehe..This is a free country isn’t it?a country of freedom..so it’s your choice how to express your gratitude to ermm…whoever you think you should thank to.

As I was standing in my shorts and baby t, watching very very beautiful fireworks ruptured in the sky for all sudden I feel kinda inexplicable feeling inside..i feel peaceful and perhaps harmony.probobly because the sky was so beautiful or presumably because all my neighbors were joining me with their ooh and aaahhs.Even it was raining, I can see it all clearly but some faces are missing..my family and some people that I just can’t stop thinking about tonight.

Lately I kinda try to avoid seeing my parents.Usually I will never fail to reached home on every Friday evening,Saturday morning was the least but lately..ermm..i’m full with excuses. It’s not that I hate them(no, that never came across my mind) it just that..i dunno..i just feel more happy to spent my time with friends rather been left alone here.

And tonight I feel lost.. I feel that I lost my sense of loving someone that I adore for almost 6 years. He used to be my light and my life but now..tonight I feel the other way around. Maybe he should come back and be by my side like old time..holding me and tell me that he WILL NEVER LEAVE me. I hate when I missed him..I hate it when I cry,thinking about him but mostly I hate it when I have to convince my self that we can still stay together.. Even I know that I was deceiving myself. I wish he could just understand..that I really love him but he’s no longer in my heart..

I would do anything for love

I thought Wednesday was supposed to be the last day to party but instead last night i had a good time again..oh well, no harm done right?Next week i'll be back on the track.I didn't sleep till 8. am coz at 5 a.m i had to fetched yam yam who arrived from t'ganu.

It is so amazing what love can do to u,isn't it?For the sake of love people would do anything even the most dumbest thing in the world.People would even die for love..that is so true.I have friends who can transform themselves just to satisfy thier other halves..Hehehe..Hoppers became rapper and so on.Some change for the better and some...became more worst.Anyway, whatever transformation that we have..the love that we are feeling is so inspiring..that sometimes for some reason we will smile even that time there's nothing sweet or funny to smile about..and some of us blush for no reason at the wrong time..

I really love to be in love and surely to feel loved but lately..i found that love is like running away from me..When i'm so in love with someone,that someone will tend to be apart from me.Is this fate..or is this a test?Too bad i can't stand long distance relationship,i just can't..i tried my best but i guess i never fit in.All i can say is i might be alone in KL again,unlesss he would do anything for love...

+I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

- Mae West (1892-1980)+

Party is over

I had a blast on Tuesday night althought i can't recall the exact details.We went to HRC and meet up with some friends.We hang out and chill out untill 5.00 in the morning.When i woke up i already were invaded by those stupid rashes..again..
Still,last night I manage to made up my way to planet but i should say it's kinda boring..Even that happened,i still get home around 5 a.m

Anyway..Tomorrow will be a different week..No more partying..My life would be boring again..

Diet coke?

After playing futsal last night i realized my process towards collecting cellulite have to meet the end.I really look ugly in hot pants or my sporting short.Arrghhh..I have to start perishing them away..for ever !!Suprisingly, based on an article, creams or herbal thingy just won't shove cellulite away.Have to start my swimming and jogging session.Anyway, it's one of my resolution to get healthy and to curb looking and feeling old even when i'm old.According to some resource, it may happen because of taking lots of junk food..especially carbonated drinks which really describe me.I just love junk food..may be because when i was a toddler, my mom forbid and probobly curse junk food to be consume by our family.She said it's for the brain development.I wonder how is that going to work since i was still stuck in stupid phase.Anyway, i think i should do that since my legs are so ugly.I have fat legs actually..I need a killer legs!!But..no britney kinda legs..tq.

Might be going to HRC tonight.I'll be partying around this week since this is the last week for party.My housemate and i vow that we should start getting serious next week(I wish that would happen).Exam is just around the corner.I have to excell no matter what it takes,even i knew that i spent more time partying then attending classes.Somehow i have to watch myself tonite coz i have to attend my recreational class tomorrow.Hmm..I wonder if they will bar me this semester?

A bitch,a vengence and a heart of stone.

My weekend is like the other weekend.Nothing special,just spending time with azam.He left for Ipoh last night and for all that i know,i missed him..i really did.He was damn nice to me and was so patience even when i showed him my bitch attitude.I try to make him hate me and he said something like..

he:Kau cuba buat aku benci kau kan?That's why u are doing this to me.

Well,he was damn right.I did and i didn't feel bad.Not because i hate him or did it intentionally. No it's because i think it's some kind of payback. He hurted me.A lot because he left me alone, making me wept every night for him. After he's gone i struggled to adapt to my new milieu. For all i know, I succeed my attempt and slowly disregard him. But when he came back i would feel awkward coz his present seem to make me uncomfortable. I'm not use to have him around anymore. I found that all his doing is so wrong to me now. Even when he speak pleasantly to me, it just won't move me. I just can't figure out why..maybe because i'm kind of enjoying myself when he's not here to take care of me or the most suitable words ...to control me. He allowed my mind not to think of him anymore and slowly i'm having a heart of stone.I wish i could just make things right ..i wish i just can stop and hurting people..i wish i have the courage to make my decision..

On sunday due to my unbearable toothache, i went to see the dentist. I hate to go there coz even beeing a hi tech sort of girl,i hate the dentist's gadget.Uh oh..when prompting to the door, my knees weaken.I saw the 'devil machine',the one with the power to drill or do whatever that can cause blood to flow to ur teeth and gums.He was nice and gentle of course..but the moment he put his hand on the machine and start to do i dunno what to my teeth i trembled and my hand had to gripped my jeans.@#$%##.Luckily,i had no major problem,just some minor issues that can be settled by gargling with some red kinda mouthwash and rubbing some weird colourless ointment to my gums.And yes..the antibiotic(I hate medicine).He told me to pay him a visit on the becoming Saturday..Erm..thanks but no thanks.I wonder how can some people live to be a dentist?

might be going for futsal tonight after missing the monday session for about 2 weeks.Can't wait to get sweaty..

+If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone.+

Rough Tide

Last night I was so angry.I was supposed to be joining my friends in HRC when someone who didn't want me to go try to make me stay so my friend will leave me behind.Well he managed to satisfied what he wanted to do,then later that night Yip called me instead of pouring my chatty voice, i kinda yelled at him..accidently..opss..Sorry Yip i did'nt mean to do that.After 2 hrs of simming session i fall asleep.

My friends seemed to get back kinda late after partying as the result the three of us were late for the NO-EX demos.Anyway we made it there. The bad thing is I missed the firestar thingy coz of my own fault..There goes my RM70:(.

I called mum just now,she's on her way back.For all the sudden she said we'll be eating dinner together with Azam tonight.Uh oh..I sense something not good is coming up.Please,dun let her talk about the engagement thang again..I dun even want to think about it.Please God...Dun let her talk about that or even the sudden increament of my phone bill..

+love me or kill me+

The Achening and Playing God

I used to gripe about my sprained ankle since the past 1 month coz the ache just won't go away. But today, as i laze laying on Dila's bed i suddenly realized that my ankle didn't hurt me that much lately.Hmmm...I wonder why since i gave up everything to make it feel better.Then i try to remember the last time i had that crucial pain and it was during my last prayer.During the tahiyat, my ankle hurt like hell that my knee was shaking as i control my self not to collapse.But then magically the pain is gone.Someone told me(it's my ustazah actually) that pray is like an exercise.Hmmm..how true is that!

This weekend will be a bz weekend.Got functions to attend..Which make my plan to spend my weekend with my family will not succeed again..And on Sunday i got the committee meeting for STF937 reunion at Tina's house.I have to go since Tina had sms me personally and also Fadzi is going to discuss about forming a futsall team which i cannot miss.Can't figure out how i can get involved in this futsall thingy.I used to loath my sport time during my secondary years hence make my captain's life a hell.Hehehe..Sorry.

My housemate are drowning in a new syndrome.A syndrome which have been brought by me.B4-4-4 members are now are under the attack of 'The Sims Addict' which I was the one and only victim.Since last week when I installed that ghastly game into Kecik's and Farah's pc,everyone including Nadya and Yam yam just can't get their hand off that game.Everybody enjoy playing God,creating simulations and making it alive and make them listen to u,no matter what the order u gave.Plus u can compete to construct most sumptuous and exquisite house.Uh,by the way my sims Kyle Ecstasy and Brough F***er are now both declared superstar with a star each on their head and..a cadillac limo for each of them.The bad news is Kecik and Farah is not going to talk or contemplate that two sims ..hehehe..speaking of jealousy :P.Just can't wait for the latest Sim to launch!

+knowledge is power
AI is knowledge
=AI is power!

-Dr.Syed Malek-+

Fast and Furious

Since today is thursday, i decided to fast to pay back the hole I left in Ramadhan and..better do it now coz the next Ramadhan is just around the corner. To celebrate my glory to start fasting after pausing about 2 months,i'll be cooking chicken rice tonight.Yummy,the thought of it make my stomach weak.hehe

Fasting is good, i know but i'm a bit furious coz robotic's test is coming in 2 hrs and i didn't prepare anything ..should i go or should i not?Have u ever been to a level when u didn't have the heart to do something that u used to like and know that thing is so damn important?Well i'm now stuck in that phase.I dun have the heart to study anymore,i think.
Everyday i will drag my feet to class with an empty heart.Damn!I know i shouldn't be thinking this way but that's the way i feel.I'll try to finish what i'm doing now and that's all i think.The rest..we shall wait and see.

azam had an accident last nite.Luckily he was ok but the car is in bad shape.He said that incident make him feel a bit scared to drive although it was not his fault.Hm..it's common isn't it?I used to feel the same way too when i first smashed up my car ;).I used to rammed lots of car in my faculty :D and suprisingly i always get away with it.

+hunger keeps u alive+

The thief and the handy drive

i had a bad start for this peaceful wednesday morning.I went to the lab to load some notes on my next Neural Network assingment.So unlucky for me only two labs are available and what's more both are full with students.Finally i manage to find a pc but there's no where to sit coz there's ain't no chair.Putting all my things including Didi,my handy drive i seek for a chair not far from my pc for the comfy of my butt but my attemp failed.The worst thing is when i get back to the pc,the handy drive is gone!Shit man.Inside there are all my notes for my robotic test tomorrow :( and some of kecik'c notes.I love that thang...huhu.Why must people steal other people things?If u can't afford it just get satisfied with what u have..

I feel so not good today.So i decide to entertain my self by maybe going out and getting down tonight.hmmm..i wonder if that would make me feel better...

before going to NN lab today, i went to the same lab where i lost Didi,just to check out if it's still there or not.Guess what?Someone put it back on the same desk where i lost it!Hahahha..I was overjoyed to see Didi.The thief must felt so damn guilty and put it back..Thank God i didn't have to find replacement for my missing handy drive..I wish all thief in this world would do the same :)

had a major toothache today..huhuuh..didn't want to see the dentist coz then i'll be toothless chics :(.For the time being i try to bear the pain..or find another solution then getting my tooth pulled out.

today i made a new resolution,not to skip my prayer and start slimming up my bods.I think i'm getting fatter and fatter everyday,which will be major turn off.And also i have to start getting busy with my education..it's going all the way into the drain.Tonight will be compiling all my notes.No more boy scouting and sort of stuff.Rizal or Yip or whoever have to wait.This is chics speaking towards excellent!Duhhhhhhhhhh

Azam is being super duper nice to me this week.Hmm..That's a good news ain't it?Go figure..

Ku Cinta Kau Dan Dia

for the past few days i've been searching for the song tittle which was sang by one of the Akademi Fantasia student,Adi.For some reason the lyrics get through me right in my heart.

Ku Cinta Kau Dan Dia

Hancur hatiku mengenang dikau
Jadi keping-keping setelah kau pergi
Tinggalkan kasih sayang
Yang pernah singgah antara kita
Masihkah ada sayang itu
Memang salahku yang tak pernah bisa
Meninggalkan dirinya tuk bersama kamu
Walau tuk bersama kan ada hati yang terluka
Dan kutahu kau tak mau
Sekali lagi maafkanlah
Karna aku cinta kau dan dia
Maafkanlah ku tak bisa tinggalkan dirinya
Mungkin tak mungkin
Kuterus bersama
Jalani semua cita yang telah dijalani
Tapi bila itu yang kau pikir yang terbaik untukmu
Bahagiaku untuk dirimu
Sekali lagi maafkanlah
Karna aku cinta kau dan dia
Maafkanlah ku tak bisa tinggalkan dirinya
Simpan sisa-sisa cerita cinta berdua
Walau tak tercipta cerita cinta berdua
Memang salahku yang tak pernah bisa
Meninggalkan dirinya tuk bersama kamu
Walau tuk bersama kan ada hati yang terluka
Dan kutahu kau tak mau
Sekali lagi maafkanlah
Karna aku cinta kau dan dia
Maafkanlah ku tak bisa tinggalkan dirinya

I didn't know when did i have fetish for indonesian song.Bagus bangat!!This song was originally sang by Ahmad Band,ex singer of Dewa. I happen to love Dewa other than SO7(although my bro told me SO7 is like new boyz in endon!!)..Ahhh..and another song which i never fail to listen to everyday is Bukan orang suci by element.Such a nice song.Gue suka bangat sama indonesia band!!

my weekends was fully schedulised.Enroll a futsal match and we won the first prize!The saturday before that, i just tailed azam around and manage to see cat competition in UKM.was really touched to see MJ mewed gayly on seeing me coming and patting her.good cat!mwah..mwah!!

today i felt..unenergenized for no reason.I was like a spell that make me feel stone.didn't make it to any class today except for digital image class which i successfully attend for 15 minutes before my boredom provoked me to enjoy my leisuring session in the lab.might be cruising OU accompanying someone for his new pair of shoes.

still undecided altough the other half is kinda giving me the green light.Should i blast the street?or should i just stop?wish i knew the answer.

monday was one hectic day.I woke up and head for my recreational test.turned out to be a disaster..asual then rushed to buy flowers for azam's convo.waited for him till the ceremony ended with all his family and i was so damned tired.by 11 i went flat as the result my housemate head planet leaving me behind snoring on my bed.

the night before i accidently spill what i hold back in my mind

me:aku rasa aku dah tak sayang kau sangat
he:kenapa?
me:sebab..ntah it seems like aku dah biasa u are not around.
he:aku buatkan kau rimas ye?
me:yup.
he:no wonder you have been ignoring me for the past two weeks.
me:but i have the sense yang kau pun dah takde feeling dekat aku.betul tak?
he:slowly..yes..
me:*sob*sob*

then someone knock the doors.the guys have arrived..and untuill today the conversation remained hanging just like that..just like that...

i sort of wake up the wrong side of the bed.i dun dress well to class today coz the mood is ain't there. woke up early compared to my actual time to complete my damn assigment.My rashes are still here.Go away!!*sigh*..

my housemate is holding makan2 session tonight and we're gonna cook but the problem is i want yam yam to come but due to some major issues.. i have to forget about it..although it's killing me

azam arrived last night but i didn';t got the chance to see him and he sort of don't bother to do the same..he said he'd be spending time with me today but i dun think that gonna happen coz he's so damn bz..as usual..

hmmm...boring day ahead..i wonder if something would spice it up?

had a very busy weekend..on friday i went clubbing and loose control of my self.as a result i still have rashes all over my body even it's been 3 days now :(.on saturday i accompany a friend to a wedding in kajang.my oh my..what a suprise...turns out that the bride is my senior..ahahha..and alsooo i met my seniors in school when i'm not supposed to be seen there with that friend of my..oh nooooo..how i wish i can get shrunk that day..luckily the're not many familiar faces who used to hang out in FSKTM cafes or else...
malu gua beb..dulu gua jual mahal!!

sunday..went to band competition.even though srikandi didn't won but atleast VI didn't make it
ahahahaha..should see the true victorian faces there..tsk..tsk..tragic!!!

The bermuda triangle

Many people say if one go into the bermuda triangle they'll never made it back only one person who succeed is david copperfield..hehe..but that's not my point.My point is i'm nearly drowned my self in the triangle though i'm not in bermuda now.
i tried to get a grip but it keep loosen up everyday.I thought i can still hold on by not thinking that i'm drowning inch by inch everyday untill this afternoon during my lunch time with a close friend of mine.

she:tak baikla kau ni.
me:ala,tu la pasal aku pon tatau camne nak buat.
she:baik kau decide cecepat.
me:ye,aku tgh dalam proses nak decidela ni.tapi aku kerajaan, decide makan bulan2.pastu mesti ade staff cuti sakit,cuti bersalin seme.
she:*choke*
me:hehehehe..
she:u are being unfair.jangan sampai nanti kau kene balik sudah.
me:something secret....bla..bla
she:memangla..initial stage mmg camtu..anyway lelaki mmg perangai seme same..seres..seme celf centered..
me:hmm...ntahlah.
she:takut aku pikir mase depan camne..tgk kau camne..ade ke lagi org dlm dunia ni yg boleh dipercayai?
me:erkk??

so that was it..i gat bashed..hehehe..but it was my fault anyway,i knew it was..i am still thinking but everytime i want to make my desicion i hesistate..i wish i am more like christina aguilera..fighter..but i'm not!!!

helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.....the trinagle is pulling me inside..

due to some allergic reaction,i got my rashes again..felt sleepy too coz i went to bed at the bring of dusk and skipped ANN again..i didn't meant to do that..opsss..

nothing much to do today..just going to class and meeting someone..hmm..wonder isf there would be any suprises today?

hot and humid wednesday.the good news is i don't have class today..hurrahhhhhhhhhhhh

with all the time i got,i've been thinking..i've changed..i really did not for the better but the other way around..it's like..i'm unleashing the old me..the old chics..it's not because someone or anybody provoke me to but maybe it's just because i'm tired pretending to be so angelic(though i'm not thatt angelic;)) but it make me feel soo comfortable..people might sneer at my confession but i didn't bring no harm to anyone..

if someone want to get close to me..i mean really close,that someone have to accept me just the way i am..and not expecting me to be what they want me to be..

tonight might be hitting the movie and also the dance floor..let get down!!!!

SE mid semester exam is today but my comprehend on it is 0.0%.i'm a dead meat..to sooth my heart i tend to cut all classes today in order to study that bloody subject.i hope my attempt work or else....

azam is coming to fetch his robe and settle his graduation thingy today.after futsal session i'll be fetching him..and will send him back tomorrow..i missed him..can;t wait to see him(am i?)..but i bet tomorrow will bring no much fun.i'll be tailing him around and hear his babbling and boring story about "me..me..and mee" but hmm..that's the men i used to fell in love with so chics,deal with it!

tomorrow..i'll be going to UPM again..and i hope i didn't get lost in the way...

been busy the whole week..occupied with something that i should describe as maybe.."infatuation'?.what ever it is..it sure keep me alive..only there's a small problem..i'm not sure when will it last...

semester break..means no internet for 1 week.not that i can't excess it from home but i'm too lazy to get online manually..

the actual thing is ..i'm in the brink of breaking down..and losing grip..help!!

been busy the whole week..occupied with something that i should describe as maybe.."infatuation'?