Second Day

Today is my second day working. Ehe..I find it a little bit tough to wake up early in the morning. Ngantuk giller!

In essence, everything was fine yesterday. Haha..Actually there's not much to do. Not yet. I bet when the workload is heavy, I'll be cracking up. Everything was fine until yamyam disapprove the way I dress. He said I dun dress that appropriate. Ermm.. Let me think, what did I wore yesterday? I think I did put on a shirt ( a lady's shirt) and a pants. Loose pants. Is that not appropriate? He wanted me to wear baju kurung or something like that. And u know what? The worst thing was, mom sort of akin to his idea. She nags (not nag actually) not to wear pants anymore, instead she wants to see me in long skirt. Urghh.. Imagine me in a floral skirt with a coat. Aaaaaaaa...

And my manager asks me to wear more make up.Haaa...Funny. I always get the note of people saying I put too much make up on me and now she's telling me it's not enough.hehehe..But hey, I've got no problem with that.

Ahh..I just wish I had more sleep...

Missing

Just got back from my shopping spree. Shopping always makes me feel rejuvenated but somehow as I'm sitting on this chair, staring at this screen I feel..empty. I feel sad..I feel lonely.. Why???

Am I missing something..in this life?

i better get myself a bar of choccolate..yumm(i hope it'll be that yummy)

The Ignorance of Malaysian

Yeah..I got myself a job already. By Monday, I'll be working at adecco. I hope things will turn out fine for me.

Yesterday I went for my second interview at the other company. Basicly it's like MLM thingy where u have to reach some target, recruits new ppl under u and u'll get promoted. Err.. definitely not my cup of coffee. Well..ok so I was brought to the workplace environment in a supermarket(I can't believe I did this) where all the trainee on the whole did donation campaign for MAKNA, Majlis Kanser Nasional.

Now imagine this, u are walking in a shopping mall. From far u can see a sort-of-sales person awaits to pester u about their product. What will usually do? In my case I will just walk and ignore them or I just say "sorry, no thanks". Guess what? That was what I witnessed yesterday. Ehe..Malaysian people are so ignorant..and yes, that include me! I mean ..it's no harm listening ..and yes, I know understand how irritated they must felt when I show my ignorance towards them. What surprised me the most was.. Malaysian are also quite ignorant to charity.For examples ..My trainer approach a guy in the mall

Trainee:Have u ever heard of MAKNA ,sir?
Man:Something2 to do with cancer rite? Well, since I don't have cancer and neither does my family, I don't think I'm interested.
Trainee:Have a good day sir *smile*-->this guy is so unbeleivable.

If I'm in the situation I would say "Well thank you sir, Hope to see you with cancer in the future".

Totally horrible. My late uncle had cancer so I really think this sort of campaign really benefits people. We might be healthy today but who knows what happen tomorrow? The program is actually brilliant. All u have to do is just donate for like..Rm1 perday. A total of RM30 will be deducted from your Maybank account daily and if u want to stop donating just contact MAKNA and they'll freeze your account. The donations will go to those people who are suffering from cancer but can't manage to deal with high medical bills since cancer really cost a lot. So by donating, u will help them to reduce their burden . Won't u like if poeple do the same thing to u or your family?

All I'm trying to say is..The next time when people approach u about some product or campaign in the mall, just spent a lil' of your precious time for them. Or if u are really not in the mood, at least give them a smile and say something nice like "sorry" or whatever chivalrous words that u can think of that time..coz I believe..they are human too :)

Interviews for chics

Went for 2 interviews today. Yesterday I went to Adecco , the job agency since I need a job desperately. After doing some test and some interview session, the lady promised she would try to find me a suitable job with a fitting company. Later that evening, they call me to go for an interview tomorrow(which is today) at Adecco itself. They wanted to interview me for a consultant job at Adecco. Funny, I'm using Adecco to seek other jobs from other companies but instead they offered me a job at their place. The other interview is at Bangunan Ukur in New Town ,PJ. A multinational advertising company.

Well, the interview with Adecco went was quite OK. The lady said if I'm really interested I should give her a call tomorrow to let her know. Err,is that a positive respond or not?
The second one..i dunno how to say..there are 3 stages of interview, the manager said he would give me a call if I qualified for the second interview..dunnola..

Haa..Feel exhausted..I can't get enough of sleep last night coz my beauty slumber was interrupted by noises made by humans( I hope). Baby cry and people washing whatsoever sounds. Sapela nak membasuh pukul 3-4 pagi?Tak reti nak tido ke?

Friends for keep?

Which one do u prefer? Having a terrible friend or not having any friend at all?

Define bad friend. A friend who just doesn't stick to you during bad timed only will be there for you during good times. And will make u feel rotten whenever he/she is around.

I have lots of friend but my good friends are those who rose up with me for about 5 years. My school sistas. Now, whenever I'm in blue mood, I can always seek for their comfort. They appreciate me as the way I appreciate them . I admit that not all of them make me feel that way but still the minority of the population really make me want to cherish them like..forever.

And bad friend..just..make u feel rotten. They try to pull u down. Try to make u as their competitor (mostly happens among girls).

So..think about it..which one do u prefer.. Having a terrible friend or not having any friend at all?

Blissful!

I'm so happy. Yes, I am. I feel like nothing can undo my happiness. Recently I wrote a long email to My lecturer, Mr.Yamani begging him to pass me his subject and walla..today..i came and see the result, I passed and with unexpected result! I though i might get a D or somethinng instead i get a C+(i know it's not that good but that's good enough for me since i'm expecting an F). He then reply my email saying I dun have to beg coz he had pinned the result for like..1 week ago and I didn't notice it. Yeyeyeyeye..i'm so fucking happy!!!Malula jugak tapi, i bet Yamani was laughing so hard while reading my email. SE result was also out..Urmm..Only manage to get B..i'm supposed to get an A but I guess a B will do. What else can matter when I passed my computer architecture? *smile*

BN manage to conquer Terengganu back. Another good news. I didn't realize that I have this kind of patriotic spirit until yesterday. I stayed up late just to keep track to with the 'pilihanraya' result with mum. Even mum can't hold her eyes that long but I did..Hope to see the whole result today.

Actually I was thinking to go on swearing and cursing today but somehow..i can't manage to find the cursing spirit when I am smiling all the time :)

Suprise

today, after a while i chat with a friend of mine , he's more like a brother to me. How i missed talking to him. Suprising news is what i heard. Pleasant suprise!!

Shit..if i only i could wrote it here..Hehehe..dun worry bro, i'll keep the 'thing' until the appropriate time arrive. :P

Why..

My 10 years friend is getting married in 3 months time. I was not surprised to hear the news for I know she have been in a serious relationship with her guy for almost 5 years but when I heard that she's not marrying that guy, I was really taken back..Alot.

They seemed to be a loving couple, they completed each other. Whenever he went she'll follows and vice versa. They are inseparable but now..

Actually this is not a new thing for me. A lot of happy couples that I know when through the same situation, including, me. They fall in love, plan for the future and unexpectedly broke up. It's sort of inevitable. Not that we wish our love would go away..but it happened. Shits happen..All the time.

I discuss this topic with my bf. These were what we manage to conclude. After a while rowing in a relationship, couples will tend to get too comfortable with each other. This is when they will show their true color and of course no matter how ugly the truth was both parties will accept their other half weakness for the love was already bloom and nothing else matter. This is when it happens. After knowing that NOTHING will jeopardize the love, lovers will slowly neglect their other half within their awareness or not. No more late nite-long phone calls. No more surprise presents. No more tender, unexpected kisses. Just some routines. Going out, most likely watch a movie, have a meal and head back home. And without realizing it the blazing fire will diminish, at a snail's pace. Seeing each other is not that enjoyable anymore. No more butterfly feeling in the stomach, no more heart thumping. .and finally..no more love.

Everything that is alive in this world needs some kind of cycle. Caterpillars transform into butterflies and babies will grow up to be adults. If u are in a long relationship, there's no evolution at all. Naught. No new things..just the same old things and..it's mundane to stuck in a phase where u dunno what what is going to happen. It's like being stuck in a tunnel and u keep walking not knowing where is the end. Exhausting and lackluster.

Those are only 2 reasons. Actually there are more. So the best solution is.. If u have the money and u really love your partner. Say the magic words before u lost that special someone. Dun wait any longer..because sometimes love just won't wait on u.

3 days

Ahh..Yamyam will be going back to terengganu with his dad today.Means..i won't be seeing him till Monday..Gonna miss u,baby. I hope he will acknowledge her mom about my existence. I mean September is like..going to happen this year..and he gotta do what he gotta do..Well, if he feel reluctant to do it..i think..i shall have to find another man..haha kidding!
Anyway, i hope he will enjoy his time at his hometown.Buatla apa-apa yang patut.Pegi kebun ke..mandi laut ke..tangkap ikan ke..He's free from my hassle and nagging for 3 days...

And me..ehehhe..regenerate party is tomorrow..i'm planning to go but to think about it again..why not??It's been a while since i get sasau..hehehe

I'm supposed to go for a casting today tapi i sort of chicken out..hahaha..malas pon ade..and aku tak cukup cun untuk seme tuh..forget it je la....

Election

Election day is drawing near.At first, i thought i might not be able to vote but somehow it turns that my name has already been registered. Still, i'm a bit confused..Mine is DUN Kota anggerik s3 but what was written in my mom's letter is different..iskh..takkan tak sama tempat kot.I better check the real situation tonight.

Ehe, why for all the sudden i have this kind of spirit?U sually i'll be like..whatever...It's a good sign isn' it?Or issit the signal that showing that i'm getting older?Uh oh

Since job hunting is not woring well in my way..I think i should do something more beneficial rather than laying around with my cats. Perhaps i can start reshaping my body. I want a flat tummy..u know like the one i saw in the pron movie :P.Camne tummy derang flat sampai camtu?Seems like impossible..and..after mom mention that my cheeks are getting chubbier i think i better do something about it..but what??? And my thighs..Oh God..sounds like a tough chores for chics..*sigh*

Buli

Uh, I always had some special feeling for non-skinny guy ( no kidding ), including Afdlin Shauki. To me, he's so cute and hilarious. So when his latest movie, Buli is showing, I couldn't delay to watch it and u know what? It's worth every cents of my RM10. At the outset, I went with yamyam but then after telling my mum about it, she got interested and I went for a second time to accompany her, the next day. The movie was simply awe-inspiring. Absolutely no pretentious uh-oh-I'm the handsome-hero or hie-I'm the-perfect-heroin. Every actor in that movie counting the extras really did their job admirably. It's like watching yourself in that picture. Heheh..I even can catch a glimpse of my character there.

One phrase in that movie really caught my attention.

"Manusia biasanya akan cuba menyakitkan orang yang terdekat dengan mereka kerana ingin menutup kelemahan sendiri.", uh..how true!!


Have u ever feel bullied? Feel like someone is using u? Or something like that? Well, lucky if u don't, but I did. Back then in school I was a gloomy Gus because someone who I called friend (and still a friend today) tends to pull me down whenever she could. She would verbalize whatever things that could impair my feeling. I thought I was the one who was being too sensitive but when I think about it now, she shouldn't be treating me that way. A friend should never make her friend felt rotten whenever she's around. Presently I found out that I'm not the only victim but some of my friends were too, miffed by her words and attitude. Now, after a few years of observation, I think she too, is lacking of self-confidence. She kept gloating to everybody she that she 'got it'. The look, the style, the boyfriend, the job and almost everything. Hey, if her life is treating her extremely well, why would she be envious to the person who share the same boat with her? Isn't she happy to see us, her friend are in high spirits too? Maybe, my friend here is feeling that she's being threatened. She is afraid to admit that some of us are prettier than her, are trendier than her and are having better life than her. And to conceal her feeling, she chose to be spiteful. Despite the fact that this is only my theory, I think it make sense. If u happen to know someone within this characteristic, dun be resentful towards them but show some sympathy for I really feel sorry for these sour grapes. All we can do is just show that we are still content despite terrible things that they said.

Anyway, golah and watch that movie. Afdlin is so cute..and apa salahnya skali sekala tengok cite mlayu!

Jobbbb

Hmm..Job finding is even harder than i thought.I need a job desperately..I can't bear sitting at home doing nothing..

Feel so miserable..
I need help..
I need a job..
Uh oh..

Baby

I hurt u and make u sad
Sorry,never meant to do that
Don't u ever think that i feel glad
No, instead it felt really bad

It's not that i don't love u
Please remember that i always do
Never crossed my mind to hate u
Only, once in a while i really feel blue
Coz i think about someone else and sadly he's not u

Call me crazy, call me blind
but that's what my heart managed to find
I know i pledged everything will be find
But darling, how can i smile when our sun just don't shine?

Now luv, hold my hands again
Coz i'm heaving all our love retsrain
Let mr try despite storms and heavy rain
Hopefully i can still heal your pain

I missed u lately
for I need u badly
Yes, I do love u ,baby
And.. I want u till eternity

BONUS:
Anda merasakan bahawa anda akan gagal dalam peperiksaan senibina komputer yang telah anda duduki baru-baru ini, tetapi sebenanrnya anda tidak boleh gagal kerana anda sepatutnya menghabiskan pengajian anda pada semester ini.Sebagai seorang mahasiswa yang bijak, apakah tindakan anda yang selanjutnya?Adakah meng e-mail pensyarah anda satu tindakan yang bijak walaupun anda tahu dia bencikan anda. Beri sebab-sebab anda

[Kalau anda jawab, skip semester lain..bulan 8 terus konvo (markah)]

My neighbour who got married

While i'm writing this,my neighbour,my chilhood friend is preparing herself for her big day.She's getting married today.Actually the nikah session was yesterday. i hope i can make it to see her last night but instead i went somewhere else.Still, i got the chance to met her while having dinner.She look astounding..so beautiful ( she is beautiful before)..and she llok so radiant and happy. We chat while eating.I even talk to her hubby too.Hoh,handsome,i should say :). He must be a lucky man to marry Farhana.

I did help to prepare the bunga rampai but i managed to stay focused only for a while..hehe..tedious job and nearly drove me mad so mom just let me go freely. Not that i didn't want to help but i dun know what to help..actually,at this point i finally realized that i'm actually an anti social!Even my lazy bro,ayi helped in washing the dishes last night while i prefer to get my eyes glued on the TV.Oh, boy for once in my life,my bro wash my plate for me!Hahaha..

Witnessing the preparation for kenduri kahwin in front on my eyes really make me shivered.Haa..i know it's stupid but i think i dun want to get marriedlah.Maybe i'm having comitment phobic but i just think that..i can't do it..When everybody teased me, i felt like screaming and wanted to die..No..not me..I told yamyam about this and he frown. Clearly he was not happy..uh oh..

Ok,better get going, i dun want to miss my neighbour bersanding..

Daddy dearest

I think I might go blind crying. I cried a lot but this week was the worst. I cried over my ex and the doubt I have inside and now I'm crying for my father.

My father is leaving for Baghdad this Monday. I am used to the fact that he's always not around. In fact most of my life I spent it without him. All I can remember was, he's always busy. Even when paying me visits at school during my school years (if he happen to be around),never in a minute he would left his eyes from his labtop..it's kinda make me feel sad and unappreciated...He scarcely knew anything about us(me and my bro)..and this year, he wished me happy birthday, a day after my birthday even everybody did make a big fuss about it :)..Me and my bro were used to the fact that he's not around to fuss about us and so when he got back once in a while, things will be odd. He'll start asking questions about us..and the situation turned to be awkward. No.I don't hate my father neither did my bro. It just that..the bond between us is not sturdy.

I think he practically have some idea about this conditions. So when he was told to stay in Malaysia to finish the entire job he had to, he took the opportunity to build a bridge between me and my bro.I should say, he did an excellent job. I am now so fond of him and his presence really lightens up my life. I did not feel like hiding away from my father anymore..Actually that is the reason why it's hard for me to let him got his time even though this kind of occurrence happen all the time. What most, he'll be missing my graduation day, he'll miss the moment I'll be wearing my robe. The reason I still hanging on ,on what I was doing was..because I want to make him proud of me and now I feel like ..it meant nothing anymore.. In fact he was not always there on big occasion such as Hari Raya. ...hmmm..

He acknowledged me over dinner yesterday

"Awak jangan nangis pulak ayah tak datang konvo.Bukan sengaja tak nak datang", I only smiled even at that time my eyes were already watery. But hey, I'm such an excellent actress.No one knew that I was bothered by the news. Mom even said..

"Macamlah awak kisah kalau ayah takde", my parents, I wish both of you recognize me more so u know what's been playing on my mind.

On top of it, I pity mom the most. For once again she'll be leaving in solitude. I bet she miss him the most and will feel lonely coz me and my bro are always doing something. I'm thinking of moving back to Shah Alam, to keep her company so she won't feel that sad. But without dad, me and mom will always find something to bicker about..Hm..I need to do some talking with yamyam.

I hope Iraq's condition is better. I dun want something bad happens to my dad. If he managed to finished this job within time,he might then, be going to Jordan. And mom, will be joining him..and then..what will happen to me? Surely I'll be left out here, in Malaysia..Uh..Saaaad..I dun want to think anymore. Someone please pass me the aspirin..or I might need a new pair of shoes..Pleaseeee..

Ode to my ex

Dear Muazam,

When I asked my boyfriend what does he wants for his birthday, he simply answered
"I want you for my birthday. I want you body and soul..I want you 100%",he then looked into my eyes and continue..
"Why is it so hard for you to let go of your past?"

Why is it so hard for me to let go of my past? The answer is simple, coz..u,my ex still haunt my mind and u are still hold my heart.

How can u wipe away something that was so significant in your life? I can't. Even though u broke my heart and it still bleed until today, despite all the mean words that u uttered, for some arcane reason u always linger around me even I tried to shooed u away.

I was in the worst situation when u picked me. I had a bad life, practically having bad relationship with everyone who revolved me and then..u came..showing me something that I never felt before.U show me the true meaning of love.

You teach me almost everything. You teach me how to stand for my right so that people will look down on me no more. You teach me how to smile and u teach me how to appreciate myself. Never in my life, people make me feel so special.. but u did..

We became close and closer everyday. I even witness how my family changed by welcoming u in my life. U are welcome anytime in my house, no matter how the condition was. The same thing happened to me. You family gratefully accept me as a member of your family. I thought..i couldn't ask for anything more better than this..

I have the most wonderful 6 years with you. We shared almost everything, we were there for each other during good and bad times, day and night. Everybody thought that we were inseparable and surreptitiously I agreed with them. There are lots of times when people tried to came between us. There's always another guy or another girl but still we prefer each other. Never at any chance u and I would let that something special between us slides away, Not a chance.

Not until u decide what u have wasn't enough. I always knew u have big dreams but I never thought u would shoved me aside just to make u dreams come true. To me, come what may, u were always my top priority but that's just me..When u decided u want to move away to seek a better future it really torn me apart. How can I manage to live without u by my side when my life ONLY revolved around u? Even I cried so hard u still want to go and the sad thing was..u dun even realize how I was feeling at that time..maybe u do, but u just dun care..

I miss u dearly when u were gone ..and I still miss u. We talked over the phone everynight and I ended crying every night. I was so pathetic at that time..everynight,I would peep from my window,just to see your room, eventhough I know you were not there. Did u understand how am I feeling that time?That I felt so lonely and lost?That my life was turning upside down? U did not..instead u just went angry and keep saying

"Why are crying?"

At that time, someone came into my life. Someone who have been waiting for almost 3 years for this chance to come. He came at the right time, when I really need someone beside me. I did give some signs to you but u were too engrossed with your world and u let me drown deeper. I guess all the fame and big money really changed u a lot. U turned to be someone that I dont know.. U dun even know what's happening to me..that i'm starting to drift away from you..The saddest thing was, everybody were pointing their fingers at me and they still do. Your friends and your family, and it bother me a lot..but what's a girl to do?

It's been 6 months now. U still call me every now and then. It's not that I want to desert you. No. No matter what happen u will always be inside my heart. But I think it's time for me to move on. The fact that still call me, are making the situation worst. U once, let me slipped off your hands for something that u thought would make your life worthwhile and now..u tend to let all things slipped away from your side. It's totally not you.Where is the tough guy that I used to know?Dun let this ordinary gurl bug you. She is nothing to you.Just go on with your life. No, we can't be best friends, not even friend. Why?It's because ..the feeling we have inside for each other are more than that..and u know I'm a sucker in hiding my feelings.So..run along now..and bury me deep inside. Don't call me anymore..don't even care about me anymore..just let me go..coz..sometimes love means ..letting go..





..u and me..we used to be together..

I'm freeeeeee

Yehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I finished my last paper for this sem..and for,forever!!Just hope i will pass my comp.architechture paper ok?I did a survey today and most of the students agreed with me that that paper is a killer one..Meaning..i'm not that stupid...hehe..Anyway, i'll be seeing mr.Yamani..probobly wearing my shortest skirt(Farah's idea)..Noooooooooooooottttttttttttt..

My last paper was..convincing..I think it went ok..clap*clap* for chics..yey!

My bf is treating me for a movie this evening.I would say..i deserved it after being a nice gurl sitting at home just studying and cooking for him. Later on,thinking of dragging him to any live band around...It's been a while..

I wanted to write longer but i'm so happy sampai taktau nak tulis apa..So many things inside..So..Later!!

p.s:Pray for me so that i pass my senibina..huk..huk..

Fear Factor

What's your fear factor? When I was a child, I am really petrified of ships.. Thanks to my very uncontrollable imagination, ship really scare the shit out of me. In my mind's eye, I imagine planes that flews in the skies will then went through ship's chimney and then transformed itself into sharks..and will get me soon..hehehe.. Pretty stupid, aight? Yeah..yeah..Laugh if u want to..:P. I thought I still have phobia for ships but I don't, instead, now I do have irrational fear of seeing or being( hope this won't happen to me) in the middle of the ocean where there's no land to be seen. Not that I don't know how to swim..but it just make me tremble inside. Just imagine...no creatures alive, except those who swim underneath u..which probably will get u at ur feet anytime..and u can't even see it or predict when..waaaaaaaaaaa..enough!!

I fear the crawling creature, Mr. Cockroach too. I hate heir smell and I hate their tentacles and mostly I hate their white thingy that came out when they were squashed. Euwwwwwwww...How can some people manage to eat this creature as in eating chips? In Vietnam, they fried it(like udang goreng tepung kot?) and sell it at the flea market..and they crunch it..and swallow it..urghh..

My bf, in the other hands is scared of heights. Pity me on going to amusement park. He snubbed to go on rides that concerned with high altitude. The best thing I could influenced him..was the ferris wheel. Even then, he would held on firmly on the grill when I started jumping and stomping, making the car shake a bit while we reached the peak just trying to scare the shit out of him..and it really make my day..hehehe. I'm not afraid of height. The funny bit was.. I kind of like to be on a high altitude. Then I would feel like..jumping..My feet would get this funny feeling and will start getting cold and then..i know I would have to grip something so I wouldn't jump,by chance. And when people pull me back..i would feel frustfurated.. like..why didn't I jumped just now..did any of u feel this way too?Tell me coz my friends keep telling me I'm not normal and I was kind of psycho or something..uhuh??

Anyway, what scare u?

p.s:Tomorrow will be my final paper...and i hope it will be for good..yeahhhh

Worn out..

My bf didn't come yesterday. I guess he was too worn out after a day of working. At first it sort of drive me mad but then..ehe I sort of enjoyed it. Had my whole time getting wasted with friends. Stoned and went on switching channels on the TV not forgetting to finish all the food we had in the kitchen. When I woke up this morning, my house look like..a dumpster? arghh..should be doing some cleaning after this..and today, yamyam asked me to go for a movie..hmm..i just dun feel like watching a movie..i even dun feel like seeing him tonight..i wonder why..

My ex somehow manage to find this site of mine which really flabbergasted ..he's not the type who like to take much interest in my activity towards virtual world.But uh..nevermind..This is a free country anyway.

I think I'm tired of having a boyfriend. Tired of having a guy that boss around without knowing what I want without me telling them (there's nothing wrong with this right?). I want my man to read my mind coz I always do and it did make him happy. But still..i love to be pampered all the time..hihih

Having a boyfriend means I have to behave more courteous and it doesn't matter if he don't coz he know that I dun care. He can go farting whenever he wants..Go out with his friends and do whatever guys do..to sum it in a word..He still have his independence.. I, in the other hand are supposed to listen to him..and whenever I don't, he'll say

"U never listens to me!!"

Oh..are girlfriends supposed to listen to what their boyfriends order? Hummm..go figure!

Oh man..it's making me tired already..


Hmm..maybe I should start liking girls from now onwards(like I don't)..hahahaha

To wear or not to wear

Yesterday, had a deep talk with yamyam about settling down and everything. He then told me to meet his mom.Well, it's quite weird though, he meet my mom like..every week and I never meet his'. I have no problem on meeting new people, seriously, even I know I am not a favorite among 'emak-emak'. But when he say something...I feel totally..scared??

He:I need u to do me a favor when seeing my mom. Can u please wear tudung?
Me:Eh?
He:Sekali je,please..

I have no issues in wearing tudung. I can wear it anytime, properly and I respect people who wear them properly, not as a fashion statement. Seriously, but my man now wants me to pretend as someone I am not. To me wearing tudung is like..something virtue..U dun wear it one day and take it off another day. No, that's not the way. If u want to wear it, wear it properly and should never be taken off. Hmm..I can obey to his order..but imagine this..i wear tudung to see his family and the next day someone saw me in my short skirt..what's the point? What will his family say then?

I promised him I will wear tudung when the time comes but the time is not now..Ehe..Actually my bf has already unleashed the real of him to me. He used to say that he didn't mind my way of living. Didn't mind if I go missing at night or whatever me and my girlfriends do. But now..urm..he is nothing like he used to describe to me. Me in the other hand still remain the same..except I rarely party now..and try not to smile or talk nicely to super duper cute guy..hehe

Humm..i dunno if I should listen to my bf.I really want to but..i just hate hypocratism..i hate people who pretend. I never told him how to act or how to dress on seeing my family because I want him to be accepted as the way he is..And now..if I start pretending..i will have to pretend..like forever..Uhhh..scaarrrrryyy..

The damage is done..

Had my first and second paper today.All I can say is..aaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..Fucking tutorial.Apsal kau tak kuar?Tau tak aku tak blaja lain2 mende selain tutorial???

I am screwed. Maybe I should go and see Yamani and beg for his mercy. Oh no..He hates he..He hates me sooo much. He always make an effort to find something to ask me whenever I'm doing my presentation even though it's already being clarified earlier.

"How is quantum bit being represented?"
"Quaternary"
"Are u sure? Really, really sure?", with his icky brow and sarcastic smile..arghh

And just now he went back and forth at the table I'm sitting, looking at my ID,fidgeting at my slip and asking me questions which he should be asking like 3 months ago.And I was like..covering my answer script..Demn..
Ehe..yeah, I might be his laughing stock. Whatever..

For the past few days I was totally.. Disorganised. Hardly sleep or eat.. I don't go out with friends, keep yelling at my bf..And began to neglect my self. I was totally sloppy and today extra sloppy..(Oh ,my ..what a crime).I thought I can really do well in that paper since i did my part of studying but somehow I was like.. Frusfurated. Can't manage not to pass. I can't wait to get my ass out of this place, I'm getting worn out of studying something that I dun even have a speck of interest in it.

Can't wait till Friday. My final paper ..and time to chill..party..wild..wild party!!

But then I still have a plea to make..

p.s:Happy birthday,mom..Luv u!
and yamyam start his first day at JPM
today..baru 1st day keje dah meeting..
Asyik meeting je..benci!