Year end

Finally it's year and. Another year has passed us by.Lots of things happen.How r u going to clebrate today?I will be celebrating..most probobly at home je kot or maybe..I dunno..since parties has been cancelled.


Anyway, I'm on half day today people and 1 more hour to go.Yeehaaa..But..apa aku nak buat lepas ni?hishhh!!


What ever it is..


happy new year!!



apsal aku rasa sedih lak ni?iskhhh...

Dreams last for so long..

I have reoccurring dreams which is normal right?But this one, scare the shit outta me.It happens in 3 sequels, like on the first night I will dream about the first part, second night, second part and so on...


Part 1
I befriended with a gurl. She's famous and pretty.She's also nice and everybody likes her and sort of worship her. We became best friend and start hanging out together. Everyone knows that we are like sooo best friend, unseparable.


Part 2
I don't know what happen but I remember tearing her flesh from her body into pieces. My hands are covered with her blood. She's dead and I killed her. Still remember how I rip off her body and slowly began to tear he flesh pices by pieces.I don't know what happen and why I killed her but I know it was me. Blood was everywhere, my clothes we soaked with her blood and my room began to stinks..and my cats just watch me and sometime they lick the blood.To clear the evidence, I tear all her flesh and her organs and throw them to the sea where fishes will ate her remaining flesh or they will rot later.


Part 3
The remaining evidence is still with me, her skeleton.What did I do with them?I buried them under my bed.Underneath the cement under my bed. When gone missing everybody started to look for her. My mom keep asking me questions and everywhere I walked all people do is keep talking about her. Saying that they sware that the will find the murder. Bloody hell.I was scared. The scary feeling is the as as when ur high on marijuana and your friends joke about calling the cops. That kind of scared. I keep telling myself that I'm dreaming.


Even when I woke up I still feel so scared and believe I had killed someone and stuff then under my bed.


The worst part is.. I keep dreaming about it for almost everyday.But that was 2 years ago.


I don't dream about it anymore but I keep thinking about it..means i keep thinking about that dream..What the hell is that supposed to mean?What is it that it wants me to know?


Or just put it this way, mimpi hanyalah mainan tidur..ait??

Party

Ok. So I decided that I'm going to be a party gurl again.I know some of you will mock me but. Who the hell are you?Do you think I give a shit? Noooo..


Amir you are right..I shall do whatever I want. Shall go partying and wasting and what so ever coz life is too precious to waste.Shall be pretty and shall be slim.Shall keep the chubby ass and shall have killer legs.


You see..All bastards in this world shall pay.


Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go shawty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's yo birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
And you know we don't give a fuck
It's not your birthday!

Dissapear

I just want to dissapear.Like vanish into this thin air.
So that nobody can see me and nobody will try to hurt me.


It hurts when all the things that you believe turn out to be a lie
It hurts when the person who u trust the most, who you seek for comfort turn their back on you.


I don't think I can take this life anymore.
Why is that everytime I give my all..the best that I have in me..
They will coma back to me in a bad way?


Am I not deserve to be love..at all?


Please help me..please help me..please help me..please help me..

Rindu

Lat night I was so boring and lonely, practically got nothing to do.Was exhausted playing games or even to read books. So I flipped through my album and reminisce and for all the sudden i felt..rindu..

5 Bersih class of 97


Okay, this is my classmates.Kitorang adalah budak kelas tercorot skali but I must say that we are the most happening class. Still remember, bila part ponteng kelas, everybody would take turns to ponteng but there was this time when everybody went missing from class except for 3 students who happened to be prefects. Tu pon diorang dying inside to ponteng jugak..hehehe




After basketball session


This was taken after a basketball session. Even I was short but I can play basketball[haha..I wish].We tried to gather everyone no matter how bz there were just to play this freaking game on the evening. The reason??Otak yang cerdas datang dari badan yang cergas..muahahahaha..which is true ok..

My hangout friends:Fadzi, Zaireen,Nikkit, Nik, Shaza,me,Tini and Lina

These were[still are] girls that I used to hang out with. Despite our crazy and scary behavior we are bunch of civilized people now. Fadzi is an auditor, Zaireen an engineer, Nikkit is pursuing her MBA, Nik a lawyer, Shaza the KFC Asst Manager, errr..and that's me, Tini a mother to be and a Sales Exec and finally Lina the Add Math teacher[ajar set 1 lagi ok..]. Me and Nik see each other quite often. We used to hang out with Nikkit and Fadzi but since Nikkit went to Aust and Fadzi is super duper bz pursuing her MICPA ..so it's just me and Nik.


Anyway, my point is..Aku rindu masa-masa berlari ke dining hall and round compound. I don't know for you guys but for me, my school sistas are uncomparable.Definetely the best'est' friends I ever known.


Luv you guys.Mwah!

Those old days

I missed my uni days..My lazy days.
When all I did was sleep, shop and party and er..try to attend classes


Still remember what a bliss it was..
When I woke up it's already 10 and forgotten that I got class at 8 but still feel pretty ok..
Now if that happens heh..No doubt I feel damn guilty and damned.



Still remember what a bliss it was..
Going shopping spending my parents money and not even looking at the price tag
Now..still do shopping but now have to scan the price tag first.



And when night came, still remember
How we would boogie all night, dancing on the table
and laughed about it the next morning..trying to remember what happened.
Now..after seeing my boyfriend, will straightly head for my bed.


Back then lecturers used to target me and probobly they hate me but that didn't bother me
Now..My boss hates me and it's killing me!


Huhuhuhh..I want that kind of life back..can I have it back?Pleaaaseeee??


*3 more days to meet him

Faraway

During the weekend, we, stf sista went for Ika and Lenny's wedding. I have been avoiding weddings since..err..August for some personal reason..


Anyaway, I was studying friends face and came out with conclusion. While we were eating or looking at the bride some of them tersengih2 sendiri and looked so dreamy. Hehehe..I assume that they have been dreaming..


"Kalau aku kawen nanti...[sila sambung dengan menggunakan imiginasi anda]"


Betul kan Nik kan?kan?


Anyway, didn't get the chance to speak to Lenny since she was the center of attention and everybody was grabbing her. I manage to talk to the bridegroom though.


Me:Selamat pengantin baru Yang [His name is Yang ok? Takkanla aku nak panggil laki org camtu kot]
Yang:Waaa, kau pakai baju kurung Chics?Ni la pertama kali aku nampak kau pakai pakaian yg mempunyai kain banyak.


Hemm..Luckily it was your day, kalau tak..


Anyway, I have a confession to make. Sebenanye aku pon termasuk dalam golongan orang-orang yang berangan tadi..haha

Joking?

Sometimes when he talks to me or joke around he forgot the fact that i'm a lady and as if he's seeing one of his guy friend in me. The reason? His joke sometimes make drove me mad and even worst make me cry.


Joke 1:
Me:Yang, mana satu yang lawa, kasut merah ke kasut pink ni?
He:Hmm..Same je.Kaki you banyak strech markla so sama je..*laugh histerically*



Joke 2:
Me:I rindula dekat Nikkit*referring to one of my-female-best-buddy*
He:I pun..Dah lama tak dating-dating dengan die*gelak gatal*



Joke 3:
Me:Kalau I gemuk you sayang i tak?
He:Kalau u gemuk, I pegi out station lapan taun tak balik-balik.



Joke 4:
I was wearing eyeshadow with the 'smoky' effect. It took me around 15 minutes to get it done perfectly.
He:Oh my, siapa yang tumbuk mata u?Sakit tak?


Hmm...Cuba kalau aku buat lawak cam tu..


p.s:Annual dinner's pic is here

I received an email from someone unknown, his email address in being based here..with a local address. Here how it sounded like.


Email 1
Hello chicsinred,
My name is xxxxx & i stumbled at your website......
not a bad creation.....
i am interested to recruit many chics as i am in the employment industry.
Keen to know more? pls email me.
thanks


My respond--->Sound interesting, tell me more[or something like that, can't really remember]




Email 2[His reply]
basically, we are are recruiting many chics to one special lounge.....just to sit, you get paid RM 1/- a minute and the work starts 8pm to 1 am....so the guaranteed income is RM 300.00 per night.....after 1 am, it's all your....what ya wan to do!]

qualification: young, pretty &.......whow!
keen??


My reply--->Ermm, sound fishy, I have to pass




Email 3[His reply]
well.....sounds too good to be true.......yet it is true...why....locals are always in demand now as foreigners always got raid...see the true scenario now?>?




What kind of job is that. i have one thing in mind but not too sure about it.
Kalaulah betul ape aku pikir..Tsk..tsk..sanggupnya orang ni offer aku kerja tu..


Tell me the truth..Do I look like one?[If your answer is yes, you can just keep it to yourself]




Anyway, what do you guys have in mind about this job description?Teka cepat! I want to know whether what i'm thinking is right.

Beau

My beau..

Hold my hand

Never let me go..

Because you know..

I fucking love you so..

*********************************************************************************

ANNOUNCEMENT:

Has anyone seen this guy?

He's been missing since Tuesday.

Benjy, If you're reading this,come home..

We are so worried about u..

We just want you to know that we love you!!

Geram

Venue:Office.
Time:After lunch


Me:You jumpa I tak hari ni?I miss u la.Dah brape hari jumpa skejap je.We hardly spent time with each other anymore.
He:Jumpa..jumpa.Tapi lambat sikit..Lepas kelas malam karang.
Me:Ok, see you then.*smile*




Venue:Fitness First.
Time:Around 8.15 p.m


Me:Hello?
He:Hello,I tak boleh dtgla.Tak sempat.Besok jelah kite jumpa.Ok??
Me:*Frusfurated* Whateverlah.Okla..Bye. *switch off phone*




Venue:Bedroom
Time:12.00 midnight


He:*sms mode*You dah tido ke?
5 minutes later my handphone rang.
Me:*Mute the phone*




Venue:Office
Time:9.00 a.m


He:Hello, may speak to Sharina.
Me:Sharina speaking.
He:I ni.Telefon you rosak ke?Something wrong with your phone la.
Me:What?I takde mase nak cakap.I bz.Bye



Telefon rosak??Penatnye aku merajuk..kau cakap telefon rosak??Aduh..sakit otak aku camni.. Geramnye!!

End of the road

It's already December.Another December..Next month will be another January, another new year. Another year has passed.Means another year wasted.Let see, did I manage to accomplished all my resolutions?


Here are my last year's resolutions:-
# stop consuming whatever is bad for my body-->Halfly fulfill
#less partying..less wasted
#care about my love ones..not my ex love one
#be a good muslim
#take life more seriously
#love my life
#have respect for people


Those captured in bold were things that I manage to keep.


Ok, now it's time to make new one and hope I can manage to keep them[haha]


#Revamp my look so I would look drop dead gorgeous[big joke]
#Be a good muslim
#Control my temper
#Find a new job
#Walk away from people who never stop hurting me!![sigh]
#Have a body to die for, go to gym!


Hmm..That's all for now.Will add the list later..if there's any!

AnnuaL Dinner

My company is holding it's annual dinner in two weeks time.The theme is hawaiian night.Hawaiian..


Does this mean that I can wear bikini?Looking at all my non malay collegue I think the answer is yes but I dun think I want to show my cellulite thigh plus i'll be shivering to death.


Was thinking just to wrap a pareo and turn it to halter dress but I think everyone will do that. I have a dress, not actually a hawaiian one but it's flowery does it count?Urm..This is tough. Where can I buy those hawaiian thingy?


I am a freak, vain and fashion concious,that's why I care [if you are wondering].


What shall I wear?Any advice?

Tired

I burn my face while frying bergedil yesterday.That thing meletup-letup while I was frying them and the oil hit my face.Not whole part but it's enough to make my face look cacat.I guess zitsy face is not enough for me.



The open house was ok.But I'm not.



Was so tired that I slept right after maghrib.



Am still so tired today.


Boss, can I take half day?

Depression

*Please take note that this is another whining entry.Those who are in happy mood or feel completely comfortable with themself can buzz off.


Have you ever woke up in the morning , looked into the mirror and saw a monster?I did. Not only a monster but a panda monster.


I know that I don't have the flawless skin but today I realize that my complexion is totally out. I have zits all over my padang bola forehead and it's everywhere.I admit that for the past few months I've been abondoning my face due to work stress and personal problem[ha!]. But now, from the look of the nasty zits, no concealer can do the miracle.


And my hair..Urgh..So the kerasla..And it's short and I don't have the 'jelita-kind-of-cinta-look'. Ok,fine..I know it's my fault yg slalu mengatal-gatal nak potong rambut.Next time, whenever i pass any salon , I must remind myself not to cut my hair or try for any promotion.


You know how much I love bag?Well, guess what?I have two bags now..Prada and Gucci.Courtesy of sleeping late and I dunno what, I now own two eyebags and they are dark..More darker than my skin.Just like a panda.

My two bags and zitsy face :(

And yesterday, when I visited Shaza,the first thing she said to me was



"Chics, kau dah gemuk!Muka kau bulat!"



Shite!This is depressing man..How am I gonna pick up a hunk with this condition??

Tick Tock

I'm so pissed off.I've downloaded few songs from imesh for like hundred time on the same song because when I played it, there's nothing to be heard. And now it's giving me headache already. Like all my chinese collegue say

"Aiyaa, I "koyak" already like this"

Ke aku yg bodoh..Tatau la kan..


I really want that gwen stephanie's song!!Arghh


Tick..tock..tick..tock..

My baby!!

Finally!I got My jack jack..


Was supposed to buy it early in the morning. That is the only thing that I could think of on my way from the client's office but due to 'heavy' sakit perut I had to prostpone it to lunch.


But I had to take 12.30 lunch today and by that time, my manager and the estee lauder manager already laughing their way to McDonalds. Cheh..Manager aku pon macam budak-budak.


Had to line up for the queue was quite long and sambil-sambil tu berharap

"Janganla Jack jack aku habis"

while my other collegue who happen to go out for lunch early berlagak-lagak with their jack-jack to me. I was thinking to buy only apple pie coz I want to eat somewhere else tapi have to buy value meal pulak...sheesh.Lecehla lu McD!


Too bad that Paige is on MC today. We have been reminding each other everyday about jack-jack since last week and now she's not here..She did smsed me saying that she's so sad..But I bet her bf will get it for her.


I know you guys would mock me[like my collegues, who..atlast ended buying jack-jack too.hah!]but the bottomline is I'm happy today coz I got that cute baby!!

Anger Management

Yesterday something happen. I lost my temper..again. This time it's quite bad. Usually it was just my acid tongue who did the damage but this time it's more than that. I hit someone last night. I totally smack and punch that person, not just that, my handphone was one of the victim. I threw my handphone to that person. Poor fella [I really mean it]. It just that..that person really ask for it. You know, I may look small and petite but I can be very violent when it come to certain extand.


Usually, I will manage to control my anger but I don't know what happen to me last night. Maybe I had reached my limit and just can't take it anymore.I don't like what happen. I really don't. Usually I'm quite calm even though I was known to have a temper. Lately things had been bad. I just don't know how could that happened. Maybe there's too many hatred was kept inside of me. Maybe I should just let it go and be like some people, pretending nothing happen in their life and never take any precautions. Maybe.. I dunno..


But I do know that I need help.

Tensen

I'm still stuck at the office.
Letih aa camni.Besok pagi-pagi dah nak kene ngadap muka client and nak kene terminate people.iskhhh...
No time to go jolly and berpoya-poya.

I'm so miserable.
I need my plastic card.I need new shoes and perhaps new skirts.
And maybe I need a new handbag as well..

Change?

I used not to care about what people say about me. Whether they like me or not. I mean, if they don't like me..too bad and I'm not going to change myself just to make those people like me.Not that i care anyway. And if someone mess with me I don't give a shit about that person, if they talk to me or whatever I would totally ignored them, pretending that they are invisible.


I used to wonder why some people really feel miserable if they found out that someone doesn't like them. I mean, nobody's perfect so if let say someone doesn't like you..it's their choice and it's totally normal.


But I guess, things change. Perception change.Now I do care about 'certain' people perception. They hate me and because of that my life had turn upside down for the past few months.For the first time in my life I started to think what should i do to make them like me. Should I change my sense of dressing?Should I lower down my voice while talking or issit that I should tone my big but?This is sick. Why should I change for them..Oh I forgot..becuase I'm so madly in love with their son :(.


Enough craps. Anyway, today I went to see a client at Damansara Height. I was so famous with my bad sense of direction. Avoiding being lost I took a cab, a PJ cab. I told the driver where I wanted to head to and he asked me.


"Miss, Awak tau ke jalan nak pegi sana?Boleh tunjuk tak?"


Duh, bang..Kalau saya tau jalan..Takdela saya naik cab...
Bukan sepatutnya cab-cab kat sini hustler dalam bab-bab jalan ke?
Ke dia saje buat-buat sesat sebab nak charge aku lebih?

Broken

As i had guess..U never learn your lesson.


Now that everythings has shattered..


I have only one thing to say


I wish that you won't be happy in everything you do.
I wish that even you get married to someone else you still can't erase my image in your head.
I wish even you sleep with her at night, you will always smell my scent around you.
I wish that you will regret that you almost get me but you don't


I will haunt you forever

Overlook

Last week somebody email me for the position of service engineer. I received lots of email from other applicants as well. Being lazy, I replied the email asking for the person to come for interview at my office without even looking at his resume.


Today,the guy replied my email.


"Please confirm my flight ticket to and fro and also please book a place for me to stay"


Apparently he's now reciding in India and is 52 years old,desperately looking for job. Man , he must be happy that I replied his email. Too bad that my company only hired local staff, which i should take note earlier.Hehe.


Just imagine if he did not write me the email and went straightfoward to attend the interview..Erkk..


I don't want to think about it..Next time I'll be carefull [yeah, right.]

Who say that woman is complicated?

I'm playing receptionist again.Actually is a good thing coz I'm alone here and can do whatever i want.Hee


Was visiting and having a sleepover with a friend last Monday night. She broke off with the boyfriend coz it seemed that the guy is 'confused'. Confused???I can't accept that excuse. Why should he be confuse now why not when they kiss, they cuddle or even when she helped him with lots of things.Now, who says that woman is complicated?


I just can't understand guy sometime. For example, yamyam said he likes me for how I dress and the way I carry myself but when he finally got me things changed. He wanted me to dress differently plak even from the very first moment I already told him that that is the way things will be if he wants to be with me. What is that?Somekind of saving me? Or more like..teaching me la kan..Ahh..Whatever.


And why must some guy act like Mr.Macho and Mr. Cool or even Mr. Understanding when actually they are Mr.MCP inside?


I'm not pointing my finger to all guys coz not all of them is like that. Some of them really sweet and charming.
Ntahla wey, peninglah.


Anyway, so kesian to my friend. All she wants is to be love back. And I think she should deserve it.

Layout

New layout is still under construction. Ni pon curik2 masa buat tau.
Got to go.Have to meet a client. A dreadful client.
Tata first.

Open house

The season is on again.. To hold open houses. Well, I simply love open houses coz I love to eat!!Makan stok tak ingat, ok..This year, I have to tell my self to control it sbb seme org cakap aku dah gemuk!!Sampai hati..Sob..sob..

Was thinking earlier that I won't be holding any coz it will be damn tiring. The procedure after always kill me and my mom. But then, to think again..Why not?Setahun sekali and I sort of miss my friends too. Dah lama tak get together..This invitation is especially for Mr.Fahimi who is now reciding in Sudan.Oii..Datangla rumah aku!!Haha

Will be notifying u guys about the date, but tell me personalyla sbb aku tanak post alamat aku dekat sini. Email me or sms me or whatever..

Ok..Got to get back to work..Melambak-lambak gile.
Take care y'all
Mwahh!!
Tata

Proven

Well, now it's proven that all guys who wants me to be with them is not so sincere after all.

You know i'm difficult at the very first place and you still want to try.
I really enjoy your company. I really do.
U make me feel happy and leave me smiling.

But as you know I needed more time.
Time to settle things
Time to make things right
Time to heal

I know I'm not a nice person.
Maybe I didn't treat you the way you want.
I'm so sorry if I hurt you
or whatever.

But calling people with bad names doesn't help..

How was Raya

Hello people.I'm back.Back at work *frown*.

How was your raya celebration?Mine..Sux..That was the most boring Raya I ever have in my entire life. For the first time I didn't have to wear any baju kurung. Just sit in front of TV and watched craps. On the second Raya, went to Ancol theme park. Gile ape, raya pegi theme park..Samala mcm tgk sarkis mase Raya.Haaaaa..Fun isn't it?

Jakarta was..hot, dirty,full of poverty and I don't want to go there anymore. Mum is planning to go again next March but I have to pass. The reason? I was homesick. I miss my hometown. I thought the shopping will be a blast but it was not. Even though I must agree that was damn cheap. Not all but most of them. They dun have much shops .Nafnaf, Zara, Kookai, MAC and Stila is out of the picture. Takde lansung..I only manage to locate 1 MNG shop..Only one..And the poeple..Once they know ur from Malaysia, they'll be extra nice to you. Even cute cute guy will give their attention to you the moment you open your mouth.

The most thing I cannot stand was.The cleanliness..Oh my, it's so filthy..Beggars were everywhere. There were even homeless people who will simply sleep infront of people yard.Buat macam rumah sendiri.. I cannot stand the view.. Sangat sedihla ok..

Anyway, it was great to see dad again, to celebrate together.. although was a bit taken back when he said kitorang mengabiskan duit die lagi although I dun remember asking any money from him.

Can't imagine how do u guys who stay abroad cope up with things. I can't and I dun think I want to be stay away far from home. I'll miss the food, the people and will miss everything.

It's true when people say

"Hujan Emas di negara orang, Hujan Batu Di negara sendiri,

Lebih baik di negara sendiri"

Cheeewah..haha :P

P.S:. To read again. Apsal aku ni asyik whining je?This is bad..Anyway,photos are here

Raya mood on

Was supposed to do my packing last night but after eating a plate of nasi tomato and 10 pieces of roti jala I accidently dozed off to sleep. Actually, I only wanted to baring-baring , ended up i fall asleep and woke up around 4 a.m coz i felt so thirsty.Tula dia, tak sempat nak packing.

On my way to the office, the DJ played a song. A hari raya song by Ahmad Jais which for the first time, enlighten my Raya mood..And I'm so in the mood now.You know what i am gonna do when i get home?I will switched to local tv to catch all the Raya advertisement. Only this morning I realized I haven't do that this year. Just hope for the 'ombak' advert won't be aired.I hate that iklan..It will always make me cry.The one and only thing that spoiled the mood is..I haven't got any Hari Raya card yet which is so tak best. I mean, I used to received lots and lots of them but this year. None.Sad isn;t it?Tsk..tsk..

This maybe my last post for this week coz I'm off to mom and dad tomorrow. Unless if I manage to kidnap dad's laptoplah kan.So people..

"SELAMAT HARI RAYA

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN"

Have fun guys!!

Confession of a bad girlfriend

Here i am sitting at the reception, becoming the receptionist. You know being a receptionist means you can do anything you want coz there's not much to do which make my mind begin to think about lot's of things including this confession.

I am a bad girlfriend. I am so bad that sometime I wish I could kill my partner. I mean I know that he got lots of thing to do but I want him to give his full attention to me when we are together. And I will sulk if he didn't say things that I want to hear. Sulk and give him silence treatment. I know that having a partner means that we have to listen to their nags and stories but somehow i can't. Sometime when we fight I unleash the spite side of me and my mouth will went out of control.I speak my mind but when he did sometime i cried.

I tried to be a good one instead of a bad one. I tried to help him when he needs any help, try to laugh at his silly jokes, try to calm him down when he's mad, try to listen to every thing he told me to do but i can't seem to do it right.

I am a mengada-ngada gurl who is so self centered, who wants everything to be my way, who have an acid tongue, high maintanance and a psychopath.

No wonder he treats me like shit..How can him and my exes cope up with me.

Man.. i'm such a pain in the ass.

Missing my mummy

Cold day..cold and hungry day. Obviously it's a bad day for everyone since it's Monday but I found the reason to be happy today.My mum called me..And as simple as that.It makes my day.

She found me a perfect kebaya. A lacey kebaya with matching silk sarong and selendang.You know how much it cost?Only RM 200. I mean..Here, paling bodoh pon..with that material it will cost around..RM500. Like, yesterday I went to Alamanda, went to see Rizalman's and Radzuan Radzwill's collection,baju aje dah RM500. I really wanted to get my hands on those baju sbb cantek sgt tapi hamboi..Why should I buy the one with the higher price when I have the other with the lower price kan?Uh, by the way, Rizalman's was at his shop. Not only me yg excited tgk die tapi my partner pon coz according to him, Rizalman is 'jambu'..haha

Back to mom, she told me to fetch two fruitcakes form her friend. One to bring to Jakarta and one for..guess who?Puan Kamariah..I asked her why should she give it to her? I mean the lady had tore her daugther's heart apart.Mom really wants to see me and him together which make me sad...Now that's what i call mom's love.Would do anything for me as long as i get what i want. And she said that

"Ayah tak sabar-sabar nak tunggu korang datang"

Well dad, kitorang pon tak sabar2 nak pegi [and nak habiskan duit ayah]. And we love u to dad[ even though you never said those words but we know]!!mwah..mwah!!

Ala..Cepatla Khamis..

Lost

It's only a week to Raya but I dun feel like celebrating it. I dun even gone shopping yet!!Just imagine.Not even a single dress!!How bad is that?I mean compared to last year or last last year or year before that I would sure get my wardrobe full with new clothes or I shall busy dragging my partner or ex-partner[whatever] shopping..But look at me..I'm so boring that I am just stuck in front of this computer.Huk..Huk..

And you know what..I commit a sin yesterday[to me la]. I went out to see live band in the middle of bulan puasa. I can't simply deny the offer form a friend and went along. Tapi aku tak menari ok..Duduk je..goyang2 badan..Demm..Oh no..U can't blame me 100%.I was so damn lonely on the saturday evening.There's absolutely no soul in the house and I was feeling crappy.Before that I went out for amovie with another friend but he's busy with his own plan.Ok fine..I'm guilty 100%.

And today..Sunday..It's already 3.22 and I have wasted all the time that i have by lying in bed and staring at the ceiling thinking of i dunno what.My ex-ex called and ajak me to hang out with him at his apartment. I was tempted but I dun think I should go. Not that I dun want to see him but I dun want to let one thing to lead to another.

Tomorrow is already Monday..and I have to go to work..Arghh..I feel so lost..

To whoever you are...please found meeee..hurry!!

It's raining season again. Although, I must said it's quite a good news to muslims since it's the fasting month and it's not hot at all but the bad thing is..every time when ti's raining season I always got my athma attack. And it happen yesterday. Not just that but also I had a high fever. So I was off for 1 day.You know..It's horrible when you fall sick and your mum is not around.I felt so unloved :(

Anyway, on my way to the office this morning I was listening to a radio and topic of the day is

"Does SPM result really matter?"

Hmm..Actually..To me the answer is yes and no.

Yes is because, if you excel in your SPM U have the opportunity to win scholarships to study abroad [unless u r filthy rich] and also..you will have a sweet memory..Like..ahh..I scored 10A's in SPM.

No is because..Does not mean that U didn't get a good result..it is the end of the world.I mean how many millionare really excel in their studies? But you must put a big effort in it lah kan..

What happen to me was..I did not get an excellent result.My result was so-so[was quite bad actually] but you know what.It teached me something. I used to fool around in school.I only learn 'konsep mol' when it was only a month away before SPM and did not have any clue about the rest of the subject. So when I was in uni, I did much much better coz my SPM result taught me lots of thing.On the negative side..My record is a bit cacat. I managed to get perfect score for UPSR and PMR but my SPM was totally screwed.I mean for my rememberance..It's like..euughh..

Ok..enuff of the boring topic..tiba-tiba aku menjadi sivik plak hari ni..

U know I think the statement that only guy went through 'pecah suara' is not true.Coz I perasan after having sore throat my voice will definetely change. Logically pon, takkanla seme suara pompuan stay sama dari kecik sampai besar kan?Does this make sense?

Soory, the medication that i am taking make me like this..hmmpp..

Narrow

I end up going to work late. Not that I woke up late.I woke up quite early actually but maybe I took too long time to dry my hair and to do the make up. So since I was running late I speed up my car eventhough I know it's raining and it's quite slippery. I had tonnes works to be settle before 10 so what the heck,I just drive on. When I was about to reach subang toll area, I didn't see the jam there. I was speeding around 60 km/h and there's a car 20 meter in front of me. Shite. For sure I'm gonna hit the car.

So I brake..An emergency brake..But the car won't stop.It's keep moving and making strached sounds.Had no choice but to turn the stering to my right or else I might hit the BMW. Luckily my right route was not that jammed and there was no car at the moment. I thought I was safe but the car just wont stop. My car went straight to the devider..even I pressed the brake's pedal so hard.

I closed my eyes, I don't want to see what's going to happen as I know..For sure..I'm going to hit the iron thingy. Habisla aku..Habisla..Janganla aku mati..Tak sempat nak raya dengan mak dgn ayah..So it thought..I'm gonna die.And will be burn in hell..For reckless driving.

But God still want me here. My car stopped just few inches before it touches the iron thingy. Just few inches.Thank God.I was stunt..I mean..I'm save, no harm at all.After that my leg felt like jelly. Wobbly.

So dude, dun speed when it's raining or u might end up at batu 2 instead of batu 3.

Mixed Emotions

It's payday and i'm already broke..haha.

Seriouslyla, I need to get a new job and maybe a new haircut. I hate my hair now. Or maybe I hate my life.

Let see, I have lots of friends but still.. I feel like I'm alone in this world. Not that they dun call me and ask me out but I'm the one who is feeling lazy coz I dun feel like going out. And if I did, I will feel rotten and spoil the mood. So I will chose to sit and home and layan perasaan. Jiwang sial, gua.

There are also some guys who are waiting on the line but somehow I will manage to highlights things that will drive me away from them. Bad eating style, bad teeth, posers..Urgh.. I mean I know I'm not perfect but..I dunnola. They are nice and all it's just that I can't focus on their nice'ness' instead I can only see things that will make me not want to be with them. Anyway, I dun think they are sincere either. Some are but some aren't. How I know? I knowlahh..Ok fine, I'm choosy..I can take that..

Do you think i am getting crankier? Coz I think I am..and I think I'm starting to become a boring person. And maybe more paranoid than usual. And you know what?I think I have two personalities..Like right now..my normal side is talking..having some argument with my miserable side. I'm so confused coz i dunno which side should I listen to.. hehehe..paham tak ni?[meminjam kata-kata ciko]

So tell me..How do I reach the nirvana..the tranquility in life?

Get Connected

Still no connection.Arghh..I soo missed my Yahoo Messenger chatting.Hehe.I feel so miserable and now, have to use dial up connection and this machine is so out of this century.Bapak lembab. To my mesenger frens yg slalu mengumpat or mengurat online..Sorryla people..Will be back in action ASAP ok?Itu pon, can't be that active pasal my superior's pc just seblah pc aku je..hehe..Dengkila derang ni kan?kan?

Ahh..talking about lembab..No more lembab pc for me coz we got new pc's!! And i am entitle for one.Hihihih..Habisla pc tu aku install macam2. If only I could get the flat screen instead of using the new one.Oh well, asalkan processor laju pun dah kire ok. The new office is ok i guess.Much more better than the old one.The bad thing is ..we have to share toilet with other people and..we dun have any basin in the pantry..Urgh..

Anyway, I like the new office coz it reminds me ..that i have to go shopping for ..er..office accecories maybe?But really, I have to..U know to boost my semangat kerja.


Today, will be going for berbuka puasa at Hilton with Ciko and his fiance.Ahh..can't wait!!

Selamat berbuka puasa and take care.

muah..muah..

Tata

Mommy

Still no internet in the new office.I'm now in the old office,juggling betweenn taking calls and surfing the net.Haa..It's better than pretending to be bz at the new office eventhough we know there's nothing can be done.So i chose to become a receptionist here.


Mom went to Jakarta yesterday. She must be feeling so happy now to rejoin dad there.I bet she's happily preparing dishes for berbuka puasa. I kinda missed her though. There's nobody to laught at my jokes at night..No body to main cubit-cubit with..No body to mengumpat2 some more..and nobody to fuss around berbuka puasa time..Yeah, I am sad.I nearly cried when the house went so empty and I was so lonely last night..no more "Na, awak buat apa tu?Jom teman mak tengok tv"..*sigh*..

Uhuk..Uhuk..I want my mommy!

Yang ke 11...

Guess what?The internet connection is still up!Isn't it a bliss?

Received an email from my friend yesterday..She just got married end of last month and now she's pregnant 6 weeks.And same goes to my other friend. To me this news is depressing. I mean..Look at me..I dun even have a boyfriend!! And everyone is happily settling down..with kids and all. I mean..am I that ugly??Must be my fat ass.

Was talking with evilblue about this topic yesterday since that girl is our schoolmate. Oh yeah, we love to gosiip soo much even it's virtually done.

EvilBlue:Nenek aku cakap kalau kite slalu tukar boyfriend, kite akan kahwin dgn boyfriend yg ke 11.
Me:Hoh?*Start counting*
EvilBlue:Nak kene ade 11 boyfriend ke baru bleh kawen :(
Me:Uh, yamyam yg ke spuluh..lepas ni bolehla aku kawen..hihihihihhi
Evilblue:Aku..Bf skang yg dah ke sebelas..mueheheheh*i bet die tgh tergelak-gelak gatal*

Isn't that crappy?Since when i start being a superstitious person?I mean..Where did the old Chics go?I'm suppose to not care about superstitions, feng shui or whatever and i'm suppose to be a paranoid when it comes to the M thing. And why issit must be yg ke 11?Yg ke sepuluh tak boleh?Tau tak nak carik yg ke 11 tu susah? Ingat apa, mcm pilih kain kat Euro Moda ke?Iskhh.. Emo pulak.

Yeah..That's it..I'm going to end up as a spinster with cats..*frown*

Kuih..kuih..

Finally, I made up mymind that I shall bake kuih raya this year, especially tart and kuih conflakes.Was thinking to proceed last year but my aunt did not return the oven.So whithout oven it is not possible. Takkanla aku nak buat tart goreng pulakkan.Since mom will be going on Sunday, I'll start on Saturday so when she's gone I'll know what to do.Let see..I'll be baking for my house, for my aunts and for yamyam.Ok..Ok..I'm not suppose to do that but c'mon..it's hari raya la ok.. Niat sebenanye ialah untuk mengambil hati Pn.Saadiah..haha[gelak terpaksa]

Anyway, my plan are actually to sell them tapi mcm tak sempatla kan.So tgkla camne..

Uh..Felicia told me that there will be no internet connection starting from this afternoon and tomorrow.You see, we are in the verge of moving into our new office.So everything has to be disconnect including pc and cables.

Think again.No internet?Whattt??

I rather die than having no internet connection..Cheewah..poyo..

Fat girl

I think I'm going to get fat when hari raya come. I ate like a mad girl when it turns to berbuka puasa time.Demm yuh, pasar ramadhan.Then again, I should blame myself.Was thinking to buy kebaya bandung for hari raya so I can impersonate those models on the front cover of the 'kebaya' book written by Pak Lah's wife. But with the budge on my tummy..erm..I dun think so still..it will not stop me to buy one.Was thinking to buy it at Jakarta tapi tgkla camne..

Talking about endonesia, I really like this song. Usually I would like a song because of their lyric but this time..I like it because of Kris dayanti's botox-face-enhancement.She looked different in the video clip.With minimal make up and black long hair [which make me weep after my short artificial brownish hair] she looks stunning. See, botox can do lots of wonder.I usually don't opt for botox I rather have liposuction..haha.Anyway here's the song.

Cobalah Untuk Setia

Krisdayanti

Apalah maumu kasih
Kaupilih diriku
Didalam hidupmu
Nyatanya kulihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

Reff
Yang selalu kuinginkan
Yang selalu kunanti
Kau coba untuk mengerti
Apalah arti mencinta

Dan harus kau sadari
Bila ingin bersamaku
Jangan coba kau ingkari
Cobalah untuk setia..

Apalah maumu kasih
Kaupilih diriku
Didalam hidupmu
Nyatanya kulihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

back to reff

Masihkah aku diinginkan
Masihkah aku di dambakan
Masih ada waktu untukmu
Bersamamu akankah kujalani hidup...
**********************************

Anyway, someone said that he really likes this song and he dedicated to me and while saying this, he threw me a meaningful look.Why of all the song in the world he dedidated this one?What is he trying to indicate?That I am a player??Huh?

I am just keeping my option open..

Bloody..

Hah.Monday come again and i was bloody sleepy.The reason?I slept about 3 a.m last night.Eventually yamyam manage to track me and had to deal with him.Manala aku nak larikan.Malaysia is not that big.Demm..Will tell the story nanti-nanti kay?

Bapak mengantuk.Oh, my boss did mention about my bad performance in the office last friday and i nearly cried when I told her what was my problem.Hmm..She seemed to be tolerant.But U see..Usually after kene marah, I will try to do something to make things better but now..I just dun care.And here i am blogging in the office eventhough keje melambak2.Haaaa..Nevermind.I'll be writing my resignation letter sooner or later..Aku dah malas gile nak keje.Totally devomativated.Thanks to samsul kahar and family.Ok fine..Dun blame poeple, chics.Blame yourself.

Seriously, i am thinking to quit my job and perhaps do temp jobs while waiting to pursue my master this coming February.Itu pon kalau dapatla.Kalau tak dapat, I will continue bloodsucking my parents and some-unlucky-guy-who-will-be-my-future-boyfriend.Doesn't sound like me at all.But who care?People change all the time and so can i.

Ok dah.Time to buat kerja or buat-buat buat kerja.

Happy breakfasting everybody.

Added:

Was happily doing my job when suddenly i received a phone called that sort of scared me. The caller was a chinese male who speaks in a very low voice.

Me :Good Afternoon, this is Sharina speaking.
Caller :Who's on the line?
Me :This is Sharina Speaking
Me :Ah, it's you.You were rude to my friend.You were very rude.You owe him an apology.
Me :Huh?Excuse me?I don't remember being rude to anyone.
Caller :Well, my friend stated that u were. So we would like to make an arrangement with you after your office
hour.We will come and meet you and we'll go somewhere.U and us.
Me :Huh?And who will that person be?I mean, I want to know the person's name who I should be
apologizing to.
Caller :You will know later.Just meet us and you will know.So it's settle?After office hour?
Me :Er..I guess..
Caller :All he need is a little handshake.

And he put down the phone.

Was was that?The call freaks me out.I can't recall being so rude to anyone but I did told my candidate the truth, things like why i would not propose them and all.Where the hell are they going to bring me?I was not supposed to say yes but I was kind of blur plus he spoke in a lower voice.Handshake?What if it takes more than that?

Fuck.Takut.Sgt takut.

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

Happy Fasting to all Muslims. Yeah..It's fasting month again. Normally, fasting is like a piece of cake for me but since I worked here where the environment in 99% Chinese and everybody keep eating all the time, I think Ramadhan is going to be a lil' bit tougher this year.

Did not make it for sahur this morning which is so typical of me. I had chosen to sleep rather than chomping on cold, sleepy morning.. That's always the case but as mom said, I should think again coz I might hanker after the berkat of sahur. Ok..I'll see what I can do.Nooot.

Next week mom will be off to Jakarta already and I'll be eating alone since yamyam is no more in the picture. Oh did you guys know that I had successfully ignored him? With the exception of yesterday, I unintentionally smsed him when the sms was actually meant for somebody else. Darn. Nanti dia ingat aku sms kat dier plak..Which I think he did coz he replied back.Urghhh..

Is there any way to tell him it's either to sod off or settle his own issues without talking to him? I would not welcome him unless he shows me result. No more craps. No more sweet talking. No more lie. Just prove it. I had enough heartache. I prefer to be alone rather being with someone who can't stand for what they believe. And you know, Paige called me 'witch' coz I was so cold blooded.Do I care?Not even in a million years.

I think I should take up telepathic class. And again..Before I pen off [ayat karangan skolah menengah rendah..haaa!] Happy fasting and to those yg tak puasa, Happy Deepavali.Hehe

Nu!

Oh well, here's the layout.It's black..I know..i'm not so into black but black is better than green,plus..this is an express one so just go with it ok?

Humm..humm..What's for today?

No mood for now..loads of works..Later kay?

Added:

Found this and yes, it slightly amuse me.heee

%20 img src="

Swing

Shite..I just hate anak bongsu lelaki yg manja which refers to my bro and my bf. Why? I was late this morning because that lazy bum malas nak bangun tido..and he didn’t refuel the tank and of course it took my 10 precious minutes..Arghhhhh!!!!Also he ruined my day yesterday , but I don’t want to talk about yesterday..Enough of yesterday.

Was having my-marathon-on-the-phone conversation with a friend [who can’t consumed milk..haha!] last night. We talked about our school days.. which make me remember that this is the end of the year. What did we do when it’s the end of the year?We threw party..It was meant to be to bid the senior farewell but I use it as an excuse to dress up..haha

Be prepared coz this was not like a normal happening party that you always go to. This is our style of party. After isya’ prayer one of us will find an unfilled pail [ye baldi basuh baju] and start mixing punch or drinks for slurping. Then we will bring into play of a hanger to stir it..hahaha..entertain already?The dorm will be decorated with coloured papers and colourful things .The lights especially will be tinted with colourful plastic so when you turn it on..It will give the red, green and whatever colour reflection instead of the normal one Hohoh..Too bad we don’t have any disco balls that time.. Foodstuff were usually ordered from makciks who worked in the dining or hall or any makcikla.My dorm usually ordered from a lady called makcik Senah.We would ordered soto.mee bandung and lots more..and it came with dessert. On that night everyone would put on their best dress [Nott!!] and make up or whateverla as long as you look as if you are ready for party. Then eating will begin and while eating each form had to perform anything to keep everybody entertain. After that gifts will be given to fivers as bidding them farewell and good luck.

The best part is when it passed 11.The light off time.Haaa..This is where my skill were trained. After feeling drained dancing in our own dorm,we would swing from dorm to dorm especially yg buat party jugak and menari2 mcm perempuan giller at their dorm .Hahaha..macam club swinging la plakkan. But dorm swinging were not easy, we had to face hazardous environment such as wild dogs and wild warden..hehe.Imagined girls in tight dress tiptoed around the school..and with hideous make up. Subsequently, we would go to our ermm..’ how to say this..ermm kakak or adik dorm’s and ..well..have a nice chit chat..or maybe they will join the swinging missionary later. Typically one will stay or ‘tido sekati’ therelah..

I wanted to post some pics of my swinging time here but..looking at the way I dressed..I think it’s better for me not to do it..hehehe..Anyway, it was fun and it certainly was a good training :P. To my fellow sista who are reading this..Do you still remember your dorm party??

Btw,I'm so bored with my layout.Dark green is absolutely not my colour.

+See, when I get the strength to leave

You always tell me that you need me

And I'm weak cause I believe you

And I'm mad because I love you

So I stop and think that maybe

You can learn to appreciate me

Then it all remains the same that

You ain't never gonna change+

-Foolish,Ashanti-

Updated:

Uh..Now I have 2 courses to choose..is it..master of information security and intelligence or master of information and knowledge management or should i listen to nikkit and take fashion instead?hahha..Oh God..Pening.Any advice?

Aduh..

Huh.It's coming back again.My never ending story.Why do I have to give him another chance and believe him eventhough I know that his middle name is lame.Now that i already did, my heart is aching again.

You know,I shouldn't let him hurt me again.
I spoke this words like thousand times to myself but then..
I always ended up giving in
Coz i'm so fucking in love with him and
I just can't help it.

Sharina,
You have to stop
You have to stop loving him
Coz it's just not worth it
He won't do much for both of u
He's not going to stand for you and not even for himself.
Just accept that both of you were never meant to be.

Aduhh..Remuknya hati...
Uhuk..Uhuk..

Tak Laraaatt

I adore flowers especially roses and lily. Did I tell you that?
I don't remember saying but I guess you read my mind.
Who would not be flattered when it was a bad day..
And you had tonnes of work piled up on your desk
And you would be thinking how nice it would be if you could just go home and sleep..
Then came the suprise..a pleasant suprise..

U bought me roses..
Red and pink roses..
My two favourite colours in the world
Sweetly delivered to my office
Making everybody goes "oohh" and "aahhhh"
Making me melt inside..

Paige said "How nice..Can I take it home"
Pauline said "I will ask my hubby to send flowers to me too"
I said "Tak larat*.."

The bad things is..
I can't stop smiling..
That my cheeks hurt..
And my brain is throbbing coz
Things will get more knotty
But still..

Too You..
U really don't have to do this..
But since you did..
Thank you..
Thank you so much..
You touched my soft spot..
Already..

The suprise

Hihihihihiii

Note:Tak Larat* is a jargon that we use to describe melt, flattered.

Dyke

This shouldn't be happening. I was telling myself not to fall for yamyam's trick but again and again my heart melt when he held my hands and smile affectionately. Shite..Somebody please knock me on my head.

Saw nani's and yani's wedding pic.Well, ramainye kawan-kawan aku kawen. Everybody is getting married.It's weird u know..before this I would cringed hearing the word 'marriage' but now..when i heard of people getting married, i can feel like my heart are being stabbed.I, probobly would ended up as a spinster coz I keep waiting for a thing that I surely know not going to happen.Talking about drama queen..Sheesh..

Maybe I should reconsider becoming a dyke. Uh..Did i told you about my date with my best mate Nicky a.k.a Nick? Last saturday we had a date..Actually both of us were dateless so we just date each other..hehe..I was thinking of buying another sluar cerut-cerut so I dragged her to Uptown.Since she was starving, she had her dinner at the hawkers first. I thought of dieting so I didn't ordered any food but then the glass noodle was so..tempting so we shared it together. She was SMSing Nikkit [Nikkit,sedap gile tang hoon tu..rugi kau takde..muehehe] who was in Australia.Since her hands was holding her cell phone so I decided to suapkan dierla..and when somebody called me she suapkan I baliklakan which is so common but then I can perasaan people started to threw some 'weird' looks to us.Issit weird to see two girls getting comfortable with each other. I don't think so..Ke aku yg salah?

Nicky:Chics, do u think orang pandang serong kat kite?
Me:Uh?Well, probobly.To hell with them.
Nicky:Yeah..Like I care..
Me:Anyway, I'm halfly dyke.
Nicky:Ohh..Issit?
Me:I thought U know..
Nicky:Ok..Whatever..Coz I prefer dicks.
Me:Oh..In that sense, me too.

It's more like appreciating women actually. I like to see curves and the way women walk gracefully. I used to stare at my ex-roomate when she was sleeping or even when I go shopping with yamyam I would stare at beautiful girls who passed by..hehe..It's actually a good thing coz I won't marah my bf when he keep gazing at other girls coz I value exactly how he is feeling at the moment. My ex housemates used to be scared of me coz during clubbing night when everyone was intoxicated I would just grab them rather than grabbing guys..hahahahah..

Anyway, someone told me that..it's a major turn on for him when he discover this..Hehehe..

I so want to eat U

Medical Cheat

My bf's back and so I was happen to be sick yesterday. I was thinking to play sick the night before since he was given a day off yesterday but hey ho, I guess God is Almighty and I had a fever .But then, instead going promptly to see a doctor we went for my bags and shoes shopping instead. It's amazing to think of it..Shopping can unconsciously alleviate my fever..Ehehe.By the time it was dark, then only I realised that I should come up with an MC tomorrow.Shite..camnela aku boleh terlupa gi klinik.So then my bf brought me to a clinic which he claimed I can easily get an MC.

Well, First of all..I was instructed to fill in a form and write down how many days I wanted the MC and also write down what ailment was I suffering from[macam aku doktorla kan boleh tau aku sakit apa]..hahaha..Then I was called to see the doctor.

Dr:Ok, sakit apa?
Me:Demam..tapi pagi tadikla..Badan saya panas
Dr:Hmm..Letak demam selsemelah ye.
Me:Ok…
Dr:*Take out his statescope and began to place it on my chest* Ok..Tunggu luar.

I was trying so hard not to laugh. First of all, I was only having a fever bukannya demam selseme and secondly, what the hell was he doing with the statescope, isn't he suppose to check my temperature..and finally although he charged me RM20 but it was written RM 30 in the receipt..Hahahaha..No wonder the Dr.Drive Mercedes..Clk Kompressor lak tu..

Nyesal siot tak amik medik..Kalau tak mesti tak lama lagi aku boleh beli X5.Hehehhe

P.S:Forgive me, tapi aku mmg tatau nak eje stateskop camne.

Hell day

Ok..now i gotta use this template coz the last layout was sort of killing me.For the mean timelah..

Having a bad start when mom casually asked me whether i'm totally gonna get rid of kuyam because she now saw that i'm constantly going out with somebody else. Urgh..All i want to do is to focus on my mork..now that she mentioned it, it sort of ruin my whole day..and shite..he's coming back this Sunday.I do miss him but somehow i find tranquility when he's not around.I dun have to think about his parents neither about him living in denial.Sad to say, these 2 weeks has been 2 wonderful weeks for me for the past 2 months.

And now when i'm developing a new liking for somebody else is what making this dilemma more complicated.And the fact that this guy is super duper nice and sweet and sort-of-melt-my heart is making me even more cankier than ever.And guess what?He got all the qualities I want in a guy..

The problem is..My heart says "yamyam" but my body and mind say "that guy"[haaaaa..sorry people not going to reveal the name..yet]


Oh shite..I'm now trapped in triangle love[cinta setiga]

Yearning

Beautiful morning. Am having a magnificent day and my spirit is far above the ground.. and I'm doing my work efficiently until.. last few minutes.

A guy stepped in. The first thing I caught about him was..the smell of his perfume.He is wearing Issey Miyake perfume.. the exact perfume as yamyam's. I just love it when yamyam wear this perfume.. make me weak on my knees.And now this guy is wearing the same perfume when thinking about my 'lost-bf' is the last thing I want to do.Even though he sit quite far from where I'm sitting..The smell lingers..and it's killing me..

Fuck.I miss him.

Yearning for you

P.S:Urghh..might change my layout since this one is having some kind of problem..

Stupid Bitch

I've been bitched by one of my candidate.Actually he's not my candidate, he's more like my collegue's candidate.He was supposed to come at 10.30 but he came at 11.30 and insisted that the interview was supposed to be at 11.30 instead of 10.30.Anyway, whatever. Since my collegue got another appointment at 12 so she ask me to helped her on the interview.

Oh boy, what a bitch he turned to be.A male bitch.A stupid telco male bitch.I just don't get it why some asshole who always turn to be my own race turns to be such arrogant bastard when they think they had already climbed the corporate ladder.He keep giving me some kind of mocking look as i run the interview session with him as if aku ni mcm budak mentah[ok, i know that's true tapi..yelah..kan kau nak mintak keje ni?]

Me:So, what is your best achievement so far?
Male-Bitch:*Sneering*.Of course to be at this managerial level when i'm only 40.U know, i earn RM 8 K now and I have lots of property.For the mean time I have 3 houses.I think i'm quite successfull and i'm so proud of myself.
Me:Oh..Ok..Let say if the salary that we are offering is lesser from what you get but the job really satisfy you, would you be able to consider it coz u mention earlier that exposure is what you want..
Male-Bitch:What?Of course not!!I really want to talk to your collegue now.She is so irresponsible.Money is the most important..exposure is one different subject.This is absurd.

He then asked for his CV's back and said that he is so frusfurated since he went through all trouble to find parking..and had to park so far away and had to walk quite a mile [which is a lie] and what so fuck more everlah.

Male-Bitch:I dun want to be a bitch but I regret coming here. This is just terrible and frusfurating.*stand up and gather his things*
Me:*Smile*.Have a nice day, sir.

Fuck you, sir is more like it actually.Come on..I know hundreds of successful malay and they earn twice or trice much from what you earn but they still give their respect to other people. They know they have it but they did not go mocking people as if we didn't matter.And he talked as if, getting involved in telco is everything.Hello encik, ayah saye pon keje telco jugak..tapi takdela prangai cam awak..malula skett..

Eeii..I was so sakit hati coz he bitched at me and it is not even my fault at the first place..Manala aku nak tau salary kau bape skang..And bukan aku yg set appointment dgn kau and sape suruh kau pekak..orang kata kol 10.30 kau ingat kol 11.30.But since i am supposed to show my friendliness and can't bitch back coz my job needs me to be hypocrite, all i can do is smile to him.But at the end, when he walked out the door...I cried[ which is so me].

I cried because I can't bitch back and and it's against my nature.

Dem yuhh Male-Bitch!!!

Gymming[sukati aku je nak letak camni]

Hey Ho.Unlike yesterday, I was happy. Actually the morning part is a bit shitty but..dunno what happen suddenly i'm more cheerful in the evening.

I went to gym yesterday and as the result today..bontotku telah cramp.Yeah..yeah..laugh as you want but to me it's a good pregress sbb bile bontot telah cramp maknanya muscle2 disitu telah berjaya dikerjakan..heheh.So people, there will be no more dark age when people can spot my presence from miles away justbecause of my huge butt :(. Anyway that's not my point. My point is..I was in the lift to go back after a refreshing day at the gym when there were 2 guys inside with me..And yes..they are yummylicious.And that's not my point either. What amazed me was..they are chinese and they speak malay to each other.

Cute-guy-1:Awak sudah lama masuk ini gym?
Cute-guy-2:Sudaaahh..Bagus aa ini gym..Banyak amoi lawa.
Cute-guy-1:Betol..betol..some more..dapat air free lagi..
Cute-guy-2:waa..awak kilija mana?
Cute-guy-1:Bla..bla..

I can't exactly remember the detail, but i can't help staring at them.Pasal..susahnye nak jumpa cina cakap bahasa melayu sesame cina.Seriously..Even in my office, it's either they speak English or speak chinese dielect which will always make me wonder

"Ey, derang ni mengumpat aku ke?"

Hmm..maybe i should learn to speak chinese dielect too..so far i only know the word 'cibai'..hehehe

Blues of Monday

Monday come again..with the blues of course.

Have to see a fucked up client today and usually yamyam will be fetching me but since he's gone now..so all i can do is..hail a cab and try not to think of him.

I wish I could see him coz there 're lots of things that needs to be sort out. Now i know the timb bomb begin to tick..I need to find a way to save it.

Finally, that person did say something..so what is my reaction?Well, actually i'm kinda expecting it..All I can say is..

Give me some time..

Perception

Being a light-hearted person is not uncomplicated. People always read between the lines wrongly. When I was working to earn extra money during my semester break in Pets Wonderland, a colleague came to me.

She:So, kenapa you berenti skolah masa form 3 ye?
Me: Huh?
She:Yela, kenapa tak sambung blaja?
Me:Aaa..Sebab malas kot..

Well, it's not that I don't want to protect my self but there's no point pointing out the truth if they would never believe you in the first place. I always get this kind of perception. People always indicated me as having a sugar daddy, a stewardess [??], a bimbo [common one], as someone who does not have respect to people and somebody with low education background. Well, fine. Maybe it's my fault. Blame it on my 'whatever' attitude. But last night. I was quite shock..Was having a long-conversation with Noone when he pointed out something.

Noone: Kau sentiasa high, tak taula kalau kau high camne.
Me:High??
Noone:Yela..Kau slalu nampak cam as if you were on drugs 24 hours.U know..Every guy would have thought that u are easy.
Me:What do you mean by that?
Noone:Means that..Senang je nak ajak kau balik and sebab kau slalu nampak high..lagi senang, coz u probably won't remember what happened to you.
Me:Shite!!Serious..Ooo..Selama ni mesti kau dgn Aling membincangkan hal ni.
Nonne:Hahahahha..Kalau tak takkan dia slalu nak ajak kau gi Genting.

Darn..And I thought that was a joke. Anyway, if you really know me..You will be surprise with the result. All I can say is..

"Dream on"

And yes Noone, aku bangun lambat pagi ni..hehehe

Rindu

Hey you ..

Apa you tgh buat skarang?Apsal tak call I?Mesti tempat tu tak dapat line kan..Kesian.Tula, orang dah kata jangan pergi, you nak pergi jugak..Best tak makan biawak dengan tupai?Kalau you tak pergi kan..mesti kita makan sushi petang-petang.Tak pon jalan-jalan kat IKEA sambil berangan and pastu gi makan meatballs die yg sedap tu.Best kan?Kan??

Balikla cepat ye..Pasal I dah rindu..

Farewell

Managed to send dad to the airport. And..Guess what?I did not cry.

Dad:Well, ayah takde ni, jgn jahat-jahat.Jangan slalu balik lambat. Jangan slalu tak balik..Jangan bagi mak and ayah risau lagi.
Me:Ee..ayah ni, suka bebel..*moving away*
Dad:*laughed and pulled me close to him*[this point is where i nearly cried]
Me:Ayah jangan lupa makan ubat*hugging dad and give him 2 pecks of kisses on his cheek*

Ok, now I think that's sad.

After bidding dad goodbye me and mom gobbled our breakfast somewhere nearby.We had RM 25 breakfast for a plate of lousy nasi goreng and a plate of lousy nasi lemak for me.I wanted to add telur goreng and chicken rendang but then i have to pay additional RM2 for the telur and RM 2.50 for the chicken.Bapak mahal, but it was weird..the difference between telur and ayam is only 50 cent?.I understood that it's the airport and u want to overcharged us tapi can you please prepare a tasty meal instead of some lousy food.Kalau ye pon nak berniaga, biarla ikhlas..People dun mind paying if it fit the price.

And now, i'm back in the office with a heavy heart.Reason?Am lazy to work and was sad seeing that mom was so sad.

Mom:Now, I'm back at square one.I'm all alone again..

and she keep repeating that phrase over and over again..

Ermm...Any Topic Will Do

ANNOUNCEMENT:HAAAA..I'M NOW UNDER GROOVYLICIOUS.ORG.THANX TO MISS ANNE!!

For the first time of the month I was happy. Last night, the whole family including Nash went for a farewell dinner for dad at Kelana Seafood. I dun like that place but they bond between us family soared my spirit. We talked and lauged all the way.I just love my family despite arguments that we had.:P

Dad will be leaving for Jakarta tomorrow.I know it's not that far but that won't stop me from weeping tomorrow.I'll be sending him off, together with mom.This is so sad, thinking of that has already make me want to cry.Ok, fine..I am daddy's little girl, so what?Usually, if dad go away to work, the chance to see him during Hari Raya is nil but not this year. Ayah is so baik hati that he decide to buy us all plane ticket to celebrate Hari Raya in Jakarta.Yyeyeyeyeyeye..Selamat duit aku, tak yah bagi duit raya dekat kezen2 seme..Muahahaha..But still, have to renew my passport coz it expired this March.Ayi[my bro] is so thrilled when mom blurt out the news coz his best buddy, Hara is there.Her dad is the ambassador there..Mesti he will leave me out from whatever plan he has.Darn..tapi takpe..mana tau i'll meet cute-cute guy like Nicholas Saputra there..Hehehe..Dream on Chics.

Yamyam didn't call.I guess he's not allowed to call while undergoing the training or maybe there's no reception there..Or whatever.But..I don't even miss him and I rarely think about him.Tapi it's only been 1 day.

Love and Hate

Happy Monday..Hah, Usually i'll be in a very bad mood when it come to monday but not today..Coz my boss went to Singapore!!Hohoh..Not to say that she really care about what i did in the office but still...

After 3 days dissapearing, my-on-and-off- bf finally rang me and let me party happily with the rest of my collegue. We were at the ampang branch, celebrating the ampang new office that time when he decided to call me. I was happy,ok but..ehe..mcm ade bengang jugakla.And as usual..he threw me with his lame excuses..Yang paling babi skali is..I kept forgiving him..Sheshhh..Tell me how to hate himla,people??

U know this is what I call love and hate relationship. It's like..At one time,I really hate him and wish that someone would kill him but then a few minutes later i can feel like my heart is melting. U know..I am a very difficult person to deal with.As a friend i might be very easy going but when i'm your girlfriend,i can be your worst nightmare. But with this guy, he knows how to handle me without making me feel like an idiot..He knows how to turn my hatred to love. Sheeshh..Am not suppose to say this things..Trust me..In few minutes time i'll be having feelings like..How i wish someone would burn down his house and all..Which is soo sick.

I know there will be lots of people who read this will feel like they want to kick me on my ass and says

"Kau ni buta ke bodoh chics??"

Tapi tu la..Aku memang sengal sket..
I just dunno what to do..

+I hate you
But I love You
I can't stop thinking of You+

My dad is going to Jakarta tomorrow to work.It's either tomorrow or next week.And he's not well recover yet.

And to him..

Now that I've lost everything to you,
you say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart, you're leavin', baby I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

To both guys who are so significant in my life,
Whatever you do
Take a good care of yourself.

Isn't life great?

Got Milk?

Yesterday my friend, spentot brought me out. The exact plan was actually to watch a movie but after seeing my gloomy face he instead, brought me to eat at masak-masak. Nice place.[ Tengok aku dah promote tempat kawan kau]

On the way there, we talked about lots of things including his allergies to milk. He couldn't consume milk, if he did he'll have diarrhoea and will spend the whole day sitting in the toilet. Hahahahha..Klaka tak? Me on the other way, is a fan of milk but fresh milk please. When I was a little gurl, during my primary years there used to be Indian man in his motorbike rounding my neighbourhood with a huge stock of fresh milk every tuesday. I and my brother will wait for him everyday to buy the milk. I can't recall how much it was but it tasted yummy. Before drinking the milk, my mom will boiled it until there's one 'fat' layer emerged on top of , which later will menjadi rebutan between my brother and me. The taste? So milky..and yummy.. I still waited for that uncle but he never turned these days.

That dear friend of mine also told me that back in France,milk ingestion were being promoted everywhere on the telly and newspapers. You will even see old people drinking milk everywhere. I don't know whether u are fan of abroad chic magazine or not but if you are, you will notice milk ads where they used celebrity to promote the drinking of milk. I think I saw Jessica Alba, Britney Spears and Carson Daly on the ad saying "Got milk?" with some milk blot on their mouth. Quite cute. Not like Malaysia, carbonated drinks or coffee are being widely promoted compare to milk..and what surprise me when I go balik kampung is..mothers feed small toddlers with coffee..Oh my, I know this is not a sin tapi give them a break..derang budak2 lagi..nanti derang dah besa, they can glued to the coffee kan..

Anyway, what am I babbling about? Oh, my point is specially dedicated to that friend..Hhahaahha..macho je lebih tapi minum susu, cirit. :P

P.S:I found this while browsing, to me it's hillarious. Bongokla die ni.

Fixing A Broken Heart

*Note:Another psycho entry

How to fix a broken heart? Well, after doing some thinking I manage to list down few things.

1. Get out with friends.
2. Get out with guy friends
3. Chuck all things that can remind me of him (except the phone..hoho)
4. Stop listening to soapy songs.
5. Flirt!
6. Think about all the bad time together..and his flaw
7. Picture me marrying somebody else and getting married in a big event..maybe married to some wealthy
people rather than anak of guru besar
8. Picture much more bigger diamond for my engagement and wedding ring
9. Just be strong,I worth more than that.
10. Go to Australia!!!
11. ..................................[Fill in the blanks for chics]

Hmm..I am turning to be a good liar.Good.If only my heart could speak, I'm sure they'll remain mute coz..they are already shattering..

Like Pauline say "Go to hell and make sure they burn you good"


P.S: To whom it may concern, saba sket je lagi..then u can ask me that question ;)
***************************************************************************************************************8
Added:

It's 7.30 p.m and guess what?i'm still in the office.

Oh well, could i be more pathetic??

New Phone

Yeyeyeyeye..I got my self a new handphone. It's Nokia 7610.Well..i've been using my 3210 for more than 3 years..so i guess it's time for change.

I love the phone. The design is chic,and the colour..it's red (Uh, i likee) . Can do lots of thing with it including..video recording for 10 mins.Well..lots of function..There's only one thing that i don't satisfied..it does not come with any game. Gotta download it.*frown*

Actually, someone bought it for me. I dunno..tapi mcm ade unsur- unsur untuk memujukla jugakkan..Takpele,pandai dia pujuk..hehehe..

All I can say is..Thank You.
I really love it.



My new Love..Awww



+Hey Ladies
When your man wanna get buckwild
Just go back and Hit 'Em Up Style
Put your hands on his cash
And spend it to the last dime
For all the hard times+

Me being a kampung gurl.

Watched PGL for the second time yesterday. Oh yeah, sue me I don't care but I love that movie. In fact I love malay movie.Just name it I probably had watched most of them excluding Yusuf haslam's lah.

U know..I might look like a modern type of gurl.I wear whatsoever ever urban gurl wear, I go clubbing and had more than 10 piercing on my body but ehe..deep down inside I think I am a kampung girl. Not to say in mentality wise but more to soul wise.(What crap am I talking?)

My past time hobby at home is cooking. What do I usually cook? Masak lemak cili padi..soto..nasik ayam..masak kurma.. and the list go on..and if I happen to be free on the evening, I like to bake kuih,like karipap or kuih cara. Then I like to invite frens for makan2..Even when I stayed with friends during my uni years, I'll happily be the chef. I like it..going to pasar and got to choose what to buy..Thinking of it makes me excited already.Also, I eat all sorts of ulam..u name it, I'll take it.I like budu and tempoyak also..the one thing I can't tolerate is durian..as in the fruit sbb..tahh..kalau makan rase nak muntah. But yg lain2..seme sebat.Oh..and my fav restaurant..no, it's not chilis, not piccolo mondo but..sundanese..yummy..the sambal blacan and snapper is sooo irresistible.Nasik jugak yg best..

I dunno why but some girls back in Uni have issues with me wearing baju kurung. Whenever I wear baju kurung they will come to me and shake my hand saying
"selamat hari raya, chics".
Ehe..Wha's the problem? I may dress modern everyday but that doesn't mean that girls like me dun know how to wear baju kurung. In fact I have more collection of baju kurung compare to some people..And I'm proud to say that..i feel comfortable wearing baju kurung.It just, baju kurung..u dun have to be conscious how u would look like.When I told my friends, they sort of mock me..hehehe..Whateverla guys..Sukati akulakan aku nak pakai apa.

As my mom said..i am a kampung girl trapped in a modern body.Maybe what she said is true..tapi apsal makcik tu tak suke aku?Mungkinkah die a modern aunty trapped in a kampung lady body??

Thank You

Ayah is recovering.He's back at home now.I promised despite rainy days that come toward me i will never let him see me frown again.

Well..well..If not because of my family and friends i won't be this strong. Until this time, my handphone can't stop ringing..my friends even called me at my office. I was flooded with SMS and massages on my messenger. I just don't know what to say.. There's no word to describe how grateful i am.It's good to know that you have a lot of people who care about you when you are in need.

To all my friends especially to Nik Yatiey, Jumaat aka Spentot (dun ask me why his name is like that, ok?), Nikkit, Umi and lots more that i tak larat nak type semua and ofcourse not forgetting my bloggers frens :), Thank You so much.I love u all.Muahhhhsssss!!!

+I'll be there for you
when the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'cause you're there for me too...+

Spite

I'm back to work and feel happier today even the stupid parking machine just won't accept my coins.I'm just happy..so farlah..

U know I think I had turn to be a bitch. I mean not as sleeping around but my attitude is bitchy.

Venue:Sunway Pyramid.

He:Oh my, this place is packed with Sunway college students.
Me:Hey , U know I nearly went there..and if I did..we probably won't know each other.
He:Nahh, u never know.I might go there too.
Me:*giving him alook*Oh no, u can't go to sunway college.It's a kafir college.Banyak pompuan sana kuku panjang and takde kening..I bet your mum won't be happy.Tsk..tsk..U don't want to hurt your mom don't u?
He:*shut up*

I know..that's mean..but somehow ehe..i feel better. I know being spiteful is not the exact way to solve problems but I just can't help it..i mean..apa salah aku??Aku sayang kau, jaga kau baik2..salah ke tu?Anyway, next time i will try my best to hold my tongue.
And I did ask him if he's mad . He said..

"I understand why u are being so rude to me"

Hohoho..as if..

What will happen?

I am at home again.Yeah...call me weak or whatever but i need time to be alone. My dad is getting better.Syukur to that.He is now being transferred to normal ward.No more ICU.That's good.Nothing could express my gratitude.

I manage to track yamyam.Only God knows how much I missed him..but u know what..the feeling changed.I thought that when I saw him I would cry and let him comfort me but I only smiled at him.And when he hold me,i felt..empty.What is this feeling??We talked..and again we ended at the same spot where we left.He walked away and left me with 'the-tak-puas-ati' feeling.

During my black days for this past few weeks, there is someone who had stood beside me when i needed somebody.I knew him for quite long time. He did all the best he could.I was flattered with what he did to me.I did not want to interprate signs that has been delivered to me.It's hard to trust anyone when everything went wrong..and when the special someone who u give your heart to,turns your back around u.All I can say is..I am flattered and really appreciate what he had done for me.

Yamyam will be going for his 6 months course next month, means we will spent less time and i probobly won't be seeing him for quite a long time.He would leave me on a bad time when our relationship is shaky.I have been through this time before, with my ex..and i definetely know what will happen.The things is..I'm not ready to face te consiquences.

Dear reader, please teach me what to do..and perhaps to love again??

Dad..

It's 2.45 p.m.I haven't had any seep since last night.The reason is..I can't.My dearest father had been admitted to ICU coz he got a heart attack last night.Around 3 mom woke me up and i drove like a mad girl to the nearest hospital, Selangor Medical Centre.The dr said my dad condition was bad.His heart beat was very weak and was nearly to nothing.But u know what, that private hospital was so fucking inconsiderate. They insisted us to pay the deposit of RM 3.5 K before they can allow my father to be admitted to that ICU even though his condition was serious. Not that we don't have the money but it's 3 a.m in the morning!!At that moment, my mom only had 2 K with her so she insisted them to accept it but still they refuse. Then i said something like

"If u don't do it, i'll write about this in the newspaper"..and Thank God, they immedietely bring my father to ICU.

Before that happen, I had a tensed conversation with yamyam.I told him that i shall move on and find another guy.We argued and yelled to each other.It was bad.After that cnversation i failed to track him eventhough he is the person who i really need the most at this moment.I was suppose to go for a party after that but i felt bad and decided not to.I tried calling him, to tell him i want to meet him and that i missed him so much but did not succeed.Luckily, i didn't go to that party or else, i don't know what will happen to my father.

My father live a healthy life. He ate lots of veggie and went jogging almost everyday. i know what happened to him last night was my fault. If only i pretend that i'm happy he would not feel miserable. He was buying me a pizza to cheer me up but being and ungrateful daughter, i let him ate alone.He is suppose to leave for Dubai this becoming Friday, but i guess..he would only be sitting in the hospital instead.

If anything happen to my father, i won't be able to forgive my self..

and yayang,i'm so sorry..i know i am wrong but please..call me..coz i really need you at this moment.Please..

Berhenti Berharap

Berhenti Berharap
Aku tak percaya lagi
Dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar disini
Tersudut menunggu mati

Aku tak percaya lagi
Akan guna matahari
Yang dulu mampu terangi
Sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampe nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat

Kenapa ada derita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menyenangkan

Aku pulang....
Tanpa dendam....
Ku terima...
kekalahanku...
Aku pulang...
Tanpa dendam...
Kusalut kan ..
kemenanganmu...

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita..


Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat..

Lyn made me listen to this song.It's so..made it through my heart. She said she's been hearing this song since the day she got dumped.It's sad..yes i know but i told Lyn that she should chuck away this type of song. I told her to listen to gurl power type of song instead. I even made her to see the guy who has been wooing on her.

I choose to move on and try not to think of what had happen. When i told Lisa about my story, she said if she was in my shoes she would commit suicide. Well, if life is so easy..I think everybody would do that. Why would i commit suicide? I have my parents and my friends who really care about me so much. Yesterday i was so touch when Dila told me, that Yip who now is in UK told her to take a good care of me. And my mom..Even we fought like..almost of the time, but she did really give her best support..she even cried along with me when i told her that how much i missed him and how i wish he would be man.

I will stop hoping and move on. My life is not only about him. There is alot of beautiful things out there waiting to be unfold. I shall not wait for him and stop wishing that he would be a man but if he did..i will always be here for him.

Moveeeee

Hhohhohoho.Aku kat ofis skarang.Obviously dgn mata bengkak. Hari ni bile aku masuk office takde sape nak tegur aku..pasal muka aku mcm orang baru mati laki..Oh..which is so true.

So tell me.Apa aku nak buat dgn hidup aku skrang?I have to replan everything in my life.Ok, i've started dating someone already.Oppss..siapa yg kata too fast tu?Kau ingat aku tak denga ye??Then , if i don't do that..what am i suppose to do?Wait for that fuckering faggot? I dun think so.I also..dyed my hair black..bought a new retro looking spec and hahaha..cut my fingernails. Makcik..SAYA DAH POTONG KUKU..er..enuff of that.I tell you, aku gile nampak lain skrang.Nampak mcm orang lost..or identity crisis is more like it.Hhahahahaha

Tell me..tell me la..what the hell am i suppose to do today?Pauline si kecoh tu tak dtg..takde sape nak menceriakan hari2 aku..sob..sob.Nak buat keje macam malas gile.Aku rasa nak amik mclah pasal mata aku mcm merah semacam je..hahaha..best tak alasan?? Tapi takpe..hari ni nak tgk PGL lagi..I love that movie.Hari tu tgk dgn faggot tapi hari ni tgk dgn org lain.Yeyeye..I dunno why but somehow hang tuah in that movie remind me of my ex sbb hang tuah dlm tu bongok.Nama je hang tuah tapi hehe..mcm takde telur-->ni mak aku yg cakap..lelaki mcm tu takde telur.

U know what i am going to do?I am going to move on..and yeah.. i'm definetely going for cute-looking-super duper rich guy after this.

Tak mainla orang kampung.

p.s: i obviously trying too hard here,but i dun give a fuck.

Faggot

Have you ever face a situation when you nearly get something that you really want but then it just slipped away in a blink?Well..Tell me more about it.

I just lost the person that is so significant in my life.I love him with all my heart..i love him so much. All i did to him was shower him with my love, give all the confident and give all the best i have to him but i guess my appearance blinded everyone else. Just because i'm modernly dress, just because i am not pretentious his parents refused to come up to my parents eventhough there was a promised made. The reason that the parents can't accept me was..coz i have long finger nails and my eyebrow are neatly plucked.What the fuck??

To me it was only excuses. I thought my guy would stand for me but he was not strong enough. Eventhough he cried over the phone saying how much he loved me and all but..he has no guts to do anything.

My parents in other hand is so supportive. Eventhough my dad was smartly dressed waiting for his parents to come and at the end they did not but after that he pretended like nothing happen. And my mum made it look like she cooked everything as if she was cooking for all of us instead of for some guest who were supposed to come.It killed me so much to see them like that..

All i did for this past few days was crying. I just can't beleive what had happen. And today, even though it's a working day i'm sitting at home, typing and try to think what had i done wrong. Maybe i love him sooo much and that's a sin. Maybe i should not have forgive him for all the bad things that he had done to me before.

Samsul Kahar,
I understand your situation. I just hope you would stand out for what you want instead of being a coward. A faggot. Don't worry, you don't need to do anything.Instead i will. I hope your parents will be happy coz i'm going away soon.Away from home and away from you.I wish you all the best and please, dun try to fall in love with any gurl anymore, knowing that your mum will never approved them. Just listen to your mother as you always did.

Don't ask me what am i going to do with my life because from now on..there's no more us. It's just me..and my self.

Ternoda

I spent my weekend with Nik. She arrived around 11 and she had to listen to my mom's talking. Around 1 a.m we headed to uptown. She eat chicken chop and I only have 1 packet of cigarettes.

Then we went for shopping. Imagine shopping at uptown. What did I get? Seluar cerut2 for RM 38 and a shawl for..10 ringgit!! Bapak the murah ok..And Nik was like..crazy.She bought like..2 seluar..2 t-shirt and a shawl.Met Kak Ezza there..and she 'complimented' that I am getting fatter. Oh she also asked me why do I look like..shit..Not only herla but nana wafa and gerek also asked me the same question.Heshh..kenapa bile aku slekeh2 mestila jumpa orang2 yg aku kenal..ramai plak tu..

Around 4 a.m..I had to drag Nik home coz I'm so sleepy. On our way to her car a motorcycle came along. The driver drove his vehicle near me. Seeing that the machine will probably knock me down I dodged a bit. U know what the bloody hell backseat passenger did ? As soon as they approached me he stretches out his hand and groped me. Well, since I dodged earlier he just managed to grab my arms instead of 'other' thing. It left red marks on my arm..Sakitt tau tak??Busuk punye orang!!

The moral of the story is..If you have any child..make sure you educate them well..So takdelah die besa nanti,pantang jumpa pompuan je nak meraba!!Terasa sungguh ternoda aku..iskh..iskh

Spill..ed

Okay.So i finally did spilled what i've been holding inside to mom. About what i felt and also about what he felt. About our situation and about the pressure that we are bearing. I thought it would be good to let her know how we feel.Instead it feel even worst.

She sound frusfurated and i feel bad. Really bad.
"Fine, i won't be mentioning about that thing after this.I will just keep my mouth shut"

I really yearn to hear her say those words actually, but when she finally did..I wish i never mentioned anything to her. I wish i would just keep it to myself and let it hurt me instead of hurting her.

I feel like crying at this moment. And it become worst when he didn't understand how am i feeling..When i know he won't do anything about this.

Mak, i'm so sorry.I promise that thing will happen..soon.

Please dun cry anymore.

+Its never between her and you.It's always her+