Letting Go

Ahhh..Monday.Happy monday[ha!].Ok, I'm trying to be positive coz obviously today will be another bad day since ag is on leave for the whole week, meaning I can't makan gaji buta chatting with him on YM and I have tonnes of works waiting for me.See, that's why they created Starbucks and the yummy hot choc..To cure monday blues.Haha.


Anyway,something amazing happen last night.I hate mamak food to the max, but last night..I gobbled 2 roti tampal.I dunno why tapi sedap gila ok.Korang, aku makan mamak.hahaha..Tak percaya sial.There must be something wrong with me.


I wanted to ask you guys something.Why issit that some guy is so lembab and have issues with themself that stopping them from going for the girl that they like?I mean, they just pretend that they are not interested with that girl even they know that the girl likes them so fucking much but..when there is a third person who suddenly pay extra attention to that girl,the first guy starts to menggelupur.My question is..why that time baru dia nak sedar yang he likes the girl?Kenapa mesti nak tunggu orang lain minat baru kau nak take action?Oh, kalau takde orang minat dia then you have the right to treat her as if she didn't matter?And what makes the situation worst, the girl then jadi serba salah coz her main interest is the first guy but she also wants to move on knowing that her chances with the first guy is slim.Whylaaa..Come on.If you don't want to have anything with her at the first place, say so and let her move on.Janganla buat camni, ok?So kire, bila rasa nak hilang orang yang minat kat dia baru nak buat somethingla..Masa tu baru nak sedarla yang kau suka pompuan tu jugak?That's selfish, allright.


See, I told you.Banyak gila lelaki yang tak tau nak buat keputusan dalam dunia ni.Hish.Tak paham aku.


One more thing, Hanna YM me today to tell me that she's getting married this 12.Demmla korang ni seme.Takde kaki dah aku to get down on the dancefloor *frown* and correction, anak Tini sebenanye adalah lelaki.


Ok, sorry for the jumbled entry.Too many things on my mind.Tula, kalau tak ag yang selalu menjadi mangsa, so dia takde hari ni so korangla plak kene denga seme cerita-cerita hikayat aku.Heh!

Baby Gurl

My friend Tini, had just given birth to a baby gurl on 27 January 2005.Congrats tu Tini and hubby.Gila sial, dah dapat anak dah minah tu.Dulu aku ingat lagi sikit-sikit nangis, kalah aku yang penangis ni.Sikit-sikit "mama, ati rindu mama!".Sekarang dah dapat anak dah.I wish I could visit her but babe, Terengganu jauh sangatla, plus aku kene keje.Tapi Semalam My mum told me that Nik smsed saying that Tini named her daugther Nik Haryati.Come on!!You must be kidding me!!Habis nama aku mana?Kalau betulla kan..Sampai hati kau Tini..Sob..Sob.Tapi aku rasa Nik tipu.Takde maknenye Tini nak namakan anak dia sempena nama Nik punye.Haha


Sabtu depan, Dila Tugi kahwin, then bulan 6 Lynn Murni nak kawin, T-ja bulan 3.Bulan 12..err..[nama terpaksa dirahsiakan] nak kawin..Demm.Ramainye nak kawin,Korang rilek-rilekla dulu.Kita kan still muda lagik.Hishh.Anyway, bagus jugakla kan sebab aku bolehla bawak keluar kebaya-kebaya aku yang aku tak tau kat mana nak pakai.Heheheh..Akan tetapi, agak terasa takut sebab ramai dah kawin.I mean, hoy,rileksla..Kalau seme kawin, dengan sape aku aku nak lepak-lepak,nak kuar tengok movie and nak isap rokok.Korang kalau kawin mesti kene benti isap rokok punye kan??Tak bestla korang ni seme.


Takpe, biar aku jadi last woman standing.Dalam masa skang, it's not a big deal kalau pompuan tak kawin melainkan bagi nenek and makcik pakcik aku, tapi sukati akula.Kalau derang nak sangat, apa kata derang je kawin lagi satu.Hehheeh..Okla tu je.Tata

Marah

Ok.Aku tak kirela kalau orang cakap aku suke marah ke aku emo ke tapi ni blog aku.So sukati akula nak tulis apa.Sape tak suke, jangan baca.


Marah gile ok sbb aku dah 2 minggu hanta fon aku pegi repair tapi tak siap2.Gila ke ape?Camne nak hidup takde henfon.Camne kalau orang call nak ajak aku kuar?Camne..Camne??Dahla besok weekend.Hish!


Yang kedua aku marah sebab tag-board aku down.Dahla tulis please contact support/billing department as soon as possible.Ok.That taggie is not a paid taggie.Mende free tapi aku marah gak.Tak kire.


Yang ketiga, gaji tak masuk lagi.Oi, besok nak pegi buat rambutla,camni ni?Dahla tu keje banyak lak tu.Banyak sangat la ok.Pastu kat sini adela 2 consultant je, yang lain ade training pastu baru 2 hari lepas advert kuar kat paper, so ramai org.Hari ni keje aku buat contract dgn interview org, tu tak campur mengaverkan keje org lagi.Bile mase nak source candidate?Memangla dah nak benti, tapi mcm tak benti je rase.Nak amik mc 2 minggu boleh tak?


Yang keempat dari pagi carik link lagu angels or devil tu tak jumpa pastu server untuk upload down.Tensen betul!


Yang kelima.Ni dah pukul 5.30 tapi mak aku tak angkat-angkat fon.Camne aku nak balik ni?Tula, ade kete bagi kat adik.Tapi adik aku tu lagi kuat ngamuk.Kalau aku mintak mau dua-dua lari dari rumah ni kang.


Yang keenam ahmad azwan nak exam so die tanak jumpa aku.Enuff said!


Kesimpulannya ialah aku mmg marah hari ini!Sekian.

Angels or devils

Announcement:

ATTENTION!!

We're auditioning for TV hosts to anchor variety of Women's and Youth's programme.

YOU MUST BE

1. With pleasant personality
2. Able to communicate with people at all levels. (Malay and English)
3. Have interest in everyday life of peoples around you
4. NOT A PARROT! (which means, you can also contribute in content)

If you believe you have all the qualities above, and have the passion to create something different, make yourself available at...

ANSAR Channel,Suite 3Q, 3rd Floor,Wisma SPS (beside Imbi Plaza),Jalan Bukit Bintang, KL.

Date : 29 and 30 January 2005 (Saturday and Sunday)Time :10am - 5pm


ADA BERANI????


Now. my entry..

Am not a fan of rock music.Rather classified myself as a mixture of all.I listen to hoobastank, creed and green day but not addicted to them.But this song, made it to my heart.Thanks to my baby who introduced me to this song.I've been playing this song everyday till my collegues feel like puking.Haha.Sorry girls, bear with me ok?Anyway, I tried to find a clips for this song but somehow the server for uploading is down.


Angels or Devils




this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside


I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time


the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold


this is the last time that
I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see


still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time


the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us


if I was to give in - give it up- and then
take a breath - make it deepcause it might be the last one you get
be the last one that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

-Dishwalla-


Uhh,dalam sial maksud lagu ni.Addicted aku. Demm

Virtually pervert

OK.I just don't understand why people must be so pervert that they have the guts to post the picture of their dick on friendster or my space with the caption such as "come and get me".Apela korang dapat buat camtu?Suka sangatla jadi flasher tu?Come on la wey, muka aku ni nampak pervert sangat ke huh??


Maybe they're just sick.There is this one guy who did that and I replied "be burn in hell" but his reply make me laugh.He said "Sure will do but u and heaven?Hahah.Fat chance".It;s funny in a weird so.So I reply "Cute" and to my amazement.He freaked out, replying with "??+??=??".Hahahaha.He is sick allright.Maybe his purposed was just to disgust people, in a way he did but hehe I do think he's having inferiority complex.Ok craps.


It's just funny how lame people can be online.I mean "Your pic is so hot that make me sweat??" or "Can I keep you??".Come onla wey, lame gilela ok. Kalau nak kasik pick up line pon kasikla lain dari yang lain contohnya "U carik keje ke?Oh I denga ade opening dekat i-perintis"Haa..camtula.Barula aku nak respond, ini bagi yang tak ikhlas..camne??


Okla.Tonnes of works to do.Ingatkan lepas dah resign bolehla rilek-rilek tapi nampak sangat diorang ni nak mengerah tenaga aku before aku blah.Huh!Ingat aku sami tangan lapan ke?Sheesh!!


Nice day ahead okie??

Panas

Date:Yesterday evening
Weather:Hot.Very hot
Venue:Kitchen


Mom:Huh, potong rambut lagi?Sebijik cam anak cina.
Me:Panasla mak.Ni ha, orang beli pepsi minum dengan ice ni sbb panas sangatla skang.*pouring pepsi into a glass of ice, pepsi make the 'fizzzzz' sound*
Mom:Yelah tu, vitamin tanak makan, pepsi jugak yg dia nak.
Me:Panasla, skang musim panas kot.Mak tak panas ke?
Mom:Tak pulak biasa je.Nampak sangat aku ahli syurga.Lainla kalau orang-orang yang slalu panas ni.*walking out from the kitchen*
Me:Erkk..Ouchh


Insaf, sial.

Jargon

Jargon.Grewing up in an all gurl school made me pick up few terms which sometimes being spilled once or twice. Maybe that's the reason why people keep saying that I talked craps all the time. I mean, they don't even understand the language i'm transmitting to them.Ok, here are few examples:-


After
Meaning:To book as second person after the current person.
Example:
Me:Nikkit, nak after kau toilet.
Nikkit:Ok,Tapi aku lama sikit.



Saing
Meaning:To go together.
Example:
Zaireen:Sherek, kau pegi surau tak malam ni?
Me:Pegi kot.
Zaireen:Nak saing.Kang kau jeritla nama aku.


Sangka
Meaning:Self proclaim
Example:
Tini:Aku rasa kiutla aku pakai baju ni.Hihihihi
Fadzi and Shaza:Eee..Tolongla.Sangka!!


Purshion
Meaning:Sandal
Example:
Nik:Korang, apa nama lain bagi kasut ni*showing at her sandal*
Ina:Purshion
Me:Bodohla kau Ina
Ina:Betulla!Ape yang salah pulak?
Me:Hmm..Betulla..Betul..Betul..


Ikan
Meaning:Favourite junior
Example:
Me:Nik, mlm ni nak tido dorm kau
Nik:Ala, malam ni ikan aku nak datang.[hehe]


Tak Larat
Meaning:Melt
Example:
On my first date with him.
Me:So why do you want to know me?
AG:You're cute and I like you.A lot.
Me:Oh*tak laraaaaaat*


Well, those are few terms that I can list down.What about you guys?Do you have your school or even your own jargon?


Anyway[pinjam ye Nicky], I'm off to chop chop my tesses since I can't stand the heat anymore.I know..I know. I'm supposed to go for the cleopatra look tapi aku dah tak thn dah!!Ok people.Nice day ahead yah!

Gay and old crush

Case 1
Noone:Mana boifren baru kau?
Me:Ni haa*showing him a pic*.Kiut tak?
Noone:Kiut dowh.Hahahaha..Rasa cam gay sial aku cakap camtu.Tapi aku mmg gay pon.


Case 2
Mail:Apsal kau main bola pakai eyeliner ni chics?
Me:Bodohla kau, aku pegi datingla tadi.
Mail:You still date that lame ass?
Me:Nola, this is the new guy.
Mail:Uh, yang mana satu.Show me.
Me:Tu haa.Kiut tak?
Mail:What a question!Kau ingat aku gay ke?


Case 3
Dila's bf:Who is the lucky guy?
Me:Sheehs, pegi dekat frenster aku ID dia XX[Bukan nama sebenar].
Dila's bf:Ahh..
Me:Kiut tak?
Dila's bf:Bodohla kau ni.Kau ingat aku gay ke?


Case 4
Me:Nicky, ce kau pegi klik kat frenster ID ni..Minah ni kiut tak?
Nicky:Kiut..Kiut..


Case 5
Me:Paige,come here I want to show you something.
Paige:What?
Me:Do you think this girl is pretty?
Paige:Hm..She's sweetla, but I don't classify her as pretty.


Case 6
Me:Uh, tengok pompuan tu cun sial.
My baby:Mana?Mana?
Me:Tu la, yang bontot die lawa tu
My baby:Are sure you are straight?


My point is..Issit a sin to appreciate your own gender beauty?I mean what's wrong with men?We woman doesn't find any difficulty to appreciate our own gender hence I'm enjoy looking at beautiful girls.Do you man out there, think that by appreciating your own gender beauty will make u a gay?


On another topic, I accompanied my baby to a football match yesterday[ha, ok..laugh now].I thought it would just be like another day but I was wrong.Guess who I saw yesterday?No other than my biggest crush.The boy whom I had a major crush since I was in primary 3.If you still remember, I wrote about this guy in my previous entry.Was engross looking at the player no 17 when suddenly I saw a very familiar face wearing a jersey no 32.Fuck,It's him allright and my jaw dropped.It's really him. Still good looking and dashing.Just think of it.I have a secret crush on him since I was 10 and I'm still having the same feeling yesterday.Speaking of which, make me remember my last three weeks conversation with Ikhwan.


Ikhwan:Dia tu baik sial.Hensem pulak tu.Lagi hensem dari aku.Babi betul.
Me:Aku minat die gile babi since dajah 3.Takde org pun tau.Alamak aku terbagi tau kau plak.
Ikhwan:Are kidding me?Semua budak-budak Shah Alam taula kau crush gile babi dekat dia.
Me:Oh fuck.


So, there go my 'heartless' reputation.Shite!Malu aku.


Anyway, kepada siapa-siapa yang terasa jeles bila membaca entry ini, janganla jeles.It's just a crush, not more than that.What I feel towards you is much much more greater coz he only makes me smile but u never fail to make my day!Love u baby.

Hari Raya haji

This entry is meant for tomorrow but I dun think I have the time to write tomorrow so just assume I'm writing from tomorrow.Hehehehe.


my boss:So tell me what's the reason
me:I found a new job
my boss:What make you find your new job.
me:Pressure I guess
my boss:Who is giving you pressure?Tell me.
me:My clients, I can't take it anymore.*actually I wanted to say somebody's name but hey ,am not going to bitch about other people to my boss*
my boss:So it's final.
me:Oh yes.I am so not happy here*grinning*
my boss:blab..bla.
me:yadda..yadda.
my boss:I can see that, your performance is not good enough.
me:I know that.That's why I wanted to leave.It's not fair for the company to keep hiring someone who is not commiting anymore, right?hehe*smiling*
my boss:*frown* oklah, I accept your resignation


Yeah, she so hates me but somehow i feel nothing like.Whatever.


And she make me announced my resignation to everyone during our meeting.Everybody were wishing me all the best except for her.She looked so miserable.Why?Sbb she will lost her kuli batak.So long.Mulai bulan depan kau buatlah kerja-kerja tu semua sendiri no more "sharina this and sharina that".Oh my, I must be evil but I can help smiling seeing her gloomy face.She must be really pissed.All I can say is ha-ha.


Anyway. Selamat Hari Raya Haji.

I baked a chococlate cake last night for Raya Haji[actually it is supposed to be tonight but I assume the chocolate cake will be bake.hehe]. I wonder how dad is celebrating there?I sort of miss him.Humm


Again.Selamat Hari Raya Haji.

Commitment Phobic

Today entry is a request by a friend of mine and especially dedicated to a guy who is suffering from this syndrome.


Most guys, are now suffering from commitment phobic..They want to have a good girlfriend but just plan to keep it that way. Not more than that.Reason being? They want to find big bucks, gadgets, buy a house, car,bla..bla..bla..bla..and the list go on.Hello, those thingkan, kalau nak fikir, sampai umur 60 tahun pun tak settle.Well, yeah it's true, those things are important but they can say that coz even when they are 47 they still can attract young chicas.But we woman have biological clock to maintain and it has started ticking..tick..tock..tick..tock..


I mean if you are not willing to commit just say so and we can move on with our life, find another guy and verse versa.Had a girls night out yesterday.Usually it will be filled with laughter but last night's was different. As we are enjoying jaja's naan at the Taj, we undress this matter as if the doomsday is coming.I mean we are going to be 25 this year but still there's no direction on our life.Let say we do start another relationship..it will take at least 2 years before the other party decided to move on to the next step.Means 27.Shite,I can't believe in 2 years time I'm going to reach that number.Like jaja said, never in our school life we would sit and talk about this craps.This is crap allright.


Anyway, why some of the male population nowadays are commitment phobic?*[Noted that I stated some, not all].Aren't women look tempting enough?Are woman nowadays posessive enough?The template answer I get all the time is they are just not ready yet.Ready?When do you know you are ready?You see sometimes, we have to just go for it.In certain cases, the definition of ready does not apply. I mean honestly, after graduating, are you surely sure that you are ready to work?To me I'm not but do I have any choice?I don't so I just go for it.Ok.I know,getting married is a big thing.You would say what happen if the marriage didn't work out?Well, God created human as something very unique.Everybody is different so that we have variety in this world.What homo sapiens need to do is tolerate and talk things out.No problem can't be settle unless u keep running away from it.Financial problem?Aren't getting married means that a couple will support each other through the thick or thin.It's a new eralah..woman know how to feed their own mouth and to feed their gucci wallets by themself.Anyway, please tell me why are some guys are so afraid of commitment like it's going to swallow them alive?Does we women don't deserve to choose what we want?Do God created us just to wait for guys to make desicion?Are your love to your girlfriend are based on lust and are you not loving your gilfriend that much that you wish to spend your time with her everyday?I might need a help here.


I am actually speaking for my friends and for other woman out there but not for myself.Ok, I might lie a bit.But the truth is after went through a very bad experience I dun think I want to go through all over again.Plus, I have a commitment phobic boyfriend so it doesn't help much.I am not going to care about what people say.Anak dara tua ke..anak dara muda ke..ape ke?You people can sod off.I am too scared to go through that thing again.I am too tired to think about all this thing.Too tired, so let it be.If I get married, I'll get married and If I don't,I don't.There's always adoption and what so ever nowadays right?I would focus on more important things in life. But if I feel like getting married and he's not ready maybe I would think of something else.


So my priority would be:-
1.My family
2.My baby..Just have good time and enjoy each other company
3.My friends
4.My job[ha!]
5.My cats
6. My bla..bla
7. Bla..bla..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1001.Married


But that just me, maybe my baby is lucky but think of your love ones.Sayang betul-betul ke tak?Nak sayang sampai bila-bila ke tak?Nak hilang dia ke tak?Think wisely.Coz,once a girl make a desicion, there's no turning back.


Heh, there you go.Anyway, I tendered my resignation today.Ahhh..Finally!!

Lump on my back

I got a lump a size of a small marble at my back.Close to my back bone.At first I thought I was sort of mosquito bite but mosquito bites or what not should feel itchy or atleast show some reaction to any pressure given by me but this thing showed none. What the hell was that?I have a high imagination but I just don't want to go there.Takut sial.Aku dahla tak kawin lagi[not to say that I want..now].Perhaps I should pay a closer look to my health.No more fattening foods and especially no more ciggies.Uh, that's quite tough isn't it?Ok.Yeah I know that I quitted smoking last year but bad habit die hard.Does it make sense?Oh..Nevermind.


Talking about ciggies, yesterday due to depression I went out for my ciggie break at the staircase.I realised there was a fire extinguisher at the staircase meaning that it's not a fire proof staircase.As we know, during fire, we are not suppose to use the elevator and suppose to use the staircase instead.But what if the fire starts from the staircase itself?How am I suppose to get down from 9th floor when there's only 1 fire exit?Does that means my destiny is to be fried to death?Uh..Maybe I should listen to this guy advice to use my pashmina as a parachute.Hahaha.Anyway, what are we malaysian especially in engineering and construction do to prevent people like me to be fried to death?Any takers?


I dunno but it's scary to think.I mean what if the fire starts.God, dah..dah jangan pikir pegi buat kerja.

Silalah berputus asa

Jangan berputus asa


Gerbangmu terbuka mencabarku
Melangkah menurut rasa rindu
Biarpun nanti antara kita ada yang mungkin terkorban
Biarpun nanti antara kita terhukum kerana melanggar kebiasaan


Cinta tak pandang tak kira siapa iakan mencubanya
Selagi mana pencinta terdaya menahannya diakan dicuba
Sebelum gugur tercalar jiwa parah
Jangan kau gugurkan airmata
Sebelum putus tali tuhan yang Esa
Jangan kau berputus asa
Nadamu menangis menggugatku
Dekati dirimu yang ku rindu


Biarpun nanti antara kita ada yang mungkin menyesal
Biarpun nanti antara kita terpaksa membayar
Harga yang tak setimpal

-Spider-


Fuck.It was meant for him but I guess he gave up on me.
Like Nik said "Tak sangka dia tak boleh buat apa-apa untuk cinta agung dia"


Guess what?
I already erased you from my mind.
I've already throw all things that remind me of you.
I've already cried too much.


I guess that's it.


I'm closing the door.
I've met someone so wonderful.
And I'm opening it only to him.


To you, yeah..I know it's too late to say this but
silakan..silalah berputus asa.

Fixing a broken heart

It was hard to imagine what the broken hearted actually means. I used to think that it's just a saying twisted by some lame ass. A phrase that signify nothing but I was mistaken. That phrase was a powerful one. At times I can feel precisely what it meant. Broken hearted, being stab at the heart, hati remuk, berkecai. You name it, it's all in me.


I have reached the extent where I think true love doesn't exist. It's arduous to make believe that man can be so in love with a woman. In my eyes men are so wrapped up with their own macho world, why would they care about feelings? I dunno, maybe that's my perception but at the moment I just can't soothe my heart to have faith in it. I mean, all my life I have given the very best in me in [where I also can't believe that I have that part in me ]but at the end it backfires. Maybe it's my fault for loving too much, maybe I should seal my heart and leave it frost perpetually.


All I need is attention and for a person to care about me. To care and to fight for me, to listen up and to make me feel worthy. Not only when I'm on my highest spirit but also when I'm in the most deep shit holes. For all my life I have been taking care of my own heart because everybody was busy dealing with their own life. I always dream that one day, I would stumble on someone that will really care about me, well I guess it's too much to ask.


I'm too weary to fire up everything all over again. Some part of me are breaking already. Tired and exhausted. So I won't ask much. If you want to love me, love me but if you don't you can always treat me like a piece of dirt like everybody did. I am not some kind of supermodel who is that important anyway.


But if you do, please love me as what I am not because of my look, not because of my ass or even of what I can offer you. Just love me as the way I am, as girl who needs a loving comfort from a guy. And I promise that you shall not be wasted.


I'm sorry if this is hurtful but this is exactly how I feel.

Talking

Ouch.I have muscle cramps..the result of playing futsal after 5 months not playing it.Malas gile aku nak lari ok.Duduk tunggu bola jela and kacau-kacau orang sket.And today I look like a robot who try to fit in a skirt.Huh.Not good for my reputation[ha!Macamlah ade]


Anyway,had a blast weekend and seems can't get anought of it lately. Ok, That's not what I want to say actually.My point is, I realised how chatterbox I can be.I mean, I can talk for hours non stop.You know, I even scares a guy by talking too much.Hehehe.The only time that you won't hear me talking is when I accompany my baby to watch football[satu bende pon aku tak paham], when I'm sleeping and when taking photos.


Well..It's the traits actually.Gather like 5 STFians and you will have like 50 people talking.Hehehe..If you dun belive me, try to ask their boyfriends or their boyfriend's friend.We can be really loud.Imagine everybody are talking about different things at the same time.But, it's easy to shut us up.Just bring on the camera.Everybody then would automatically pose and mute.Hahahaha


Even that, I am never ashamed to be an STFian even 'some' people called us bimbo.Watched your mouthla ok?Siapa yang bimbo.Atleast we treat people equally and stand for what we wants.Ok, emo mode off.Anyway, can you believe that people say we are bimbo?Sheesh.It's a good thing I've deleted that person in my life.Huh!


One more thing yang buat hati aku panas hari ini ialah, my phone was being invaded by virus again.It keep making the 'bzzzzzz' sound and keep shutting off by itself.Mcm sial.Nak call out and receive call skang dah susah.Have to send it for repair tapi bila la wey?Tau tak aku bz?Camana nak gayut nanti??Pk la sket.


Oh, I apologize for my emotional mode.This is Monday so you guys have to bare with me.Hehehe


Happy Monday People!

Taking chances

After failing to track me for the whole week, Ikhwan finally caught me and we went out for a night drink.Usually I would see his gloomy face but last night it was different.He was smiling all the way, his face was glowing.


He:I'm seeing someone.
Me:Uh..Interesting. No wonder U keep smiling.Ok, spill!
He:Urm..But it's kinda complicated.
Me:How complicated is complicated?


Well, he's dating a girl who used to be his mate's girlfriend and they just broke up for a week.The reason was the guy is not a one woman man.He dumped they girl when the girl discover that he got another woman besides him. The worst part he only used sms to ditch her. So no dignity and never did he try to sooth things back.Well, to me it's crystal clear. The guy doesn't want the girl anymore and was waiting for the right time to kick her from his life. But my friend here is feeling guilty coz to him it's like a betrayal and he claimed that things are going too fast.


It's true that most man wouldn't go for their friend's ex for some reasons[which still remain X-files to me] but hey, obviously the guy didn't want the girl.Well yes, he is moving too fast but again that depends on people. You see, some people like slow music like R n B and some like fast beat music like rave or whatever. So it depends.I mean if you really like that person and the feeling is mutual then why wait?I mean, it's not like you're getting married or something.Ok maybe it's a rebound for the girl but hey, maybe it's not. I mean you got to try,life is about taking risk anyway..isn't it?


By the way, why does he care so much about other people?It's not like they care much about him.So, sod off to people and just go for what you want. You see, you cannot be that slow also coz you'll never know how many fast pace guys are out there. And..Take the chance while it's still there b'coz once a girl close her heart, it's near to impossible to see it being open again.


So, apa lagi, press that dial and ask the girl[who you have been thinking about lately] out..I mean..now!

Babila kan

Ok fine.I know that this will be the second entry of today.Tapi aku dah tak kesah dah.Susah la nak meluahkan perasaan kat orang-orang ofis bila 99.9% are chinese and seme cam skema-skema.So here it goes.



Was very delighted when whole KL was blackout just now.Like a dream come true. I was having my lunch with Anne and Paige only to realised that our office is on the 9th floor[I know not that tinggi but still..] and I am wearing high heels know and sort of tight skirt.So we have tu climb the stairs up to 9th floor. The thing is Paige is very afraid of height. Her face was damn pale since the architect of the building is stupid enough to build a staircase that are so steep and can see the outside view.


Anne:Down look down, just walk.
Me:Concentrate on something.
Paige:Uh, I shall think about my engagement ring.
Me:Good, think about your big rock.
Paige:*Looking down*Oh, my.I want to faint.*Grip my arms more tightly.
Me:No..no..Dun look down..Think of something.
Paige:Uh..I shall look at your ass and think of it.
Me:huh??


Why my ass?Why can't she think of her fiancee's ass?Anyway, after the trouble naik tangga sampai tingkat 9,I heard that my chest was making a wheezing sound and I dun have my bloody inhaler with me.The best part was soon after that, the electricity is back again.Bugger!!!Penatla aku berangan nak bersuka ria kan.


To make thing worst..now my YM can't seem to work properly. Whenever I try to connect it will disconnect saying it is having some kind of error.Tried to uninstall and reinstall but gagal jugak.How am I supposed to live without YM huh people??


Babi!!

Hypnotize

Announcement:


JAWATANKUASA Seniman Prihatin, dengan kerjasamaAkademi Seni Kebangsaan serta Yayasan Kesenian Perakbakal menjayakan program kesenian Malam Tunas Jiwa.


Tujuan malam tersebut adalah untuk melahirkan rasasimpati para seniman terhadap nasib malang yangmenimpa mangsa tsunami di Acheh dan utara Tanahair.


Program malam tersebut bakal diserikan dengan bacaanpuisi oleh penyair Dinsman, Dr Zakaria Ali, ProfMuhammad Haji Salleh, serta bacaan mesej peribadi darikaryawan Acheh oleh Dr Siti Zainon Ismail.Turut menyumbang tenaga untuk persembahan malam ituadalah pemuzik folk Meor, penari multi-etnik, JanuaryLow, kumpulan gamelan Rhythm in Bronze, kumpulanDewangga Sakti, kumpulan Electro Primitive, sertapersembahan khas dari kakitangan serta penuntut ASKsendiri.


Turut membuat penampilan khas untuk program tersebutadalah Seniman Negara Datuk Syed Ahmad Jamal yangtelah sudi mencipta logo simbol tunas kelapa, yangmenggambarkan harapan agar kawasan yang dilandatsunamibakal tumbuh subur semula, demi meneruskankesinambungan hidup selepas tragedi tersebut.


Pada malam itu juga, pengunjung akan dapat mendengarsendiri pengalaman sukarelawan Persatuan Bulan SabitMerah Malaysia dan Global Peace yang baru pulang dariAceh, serta mendaftar sebagai ahli dipersatuan-persatuan berkenaan.Malam Tunas Jiwa akan diadakan pada Sabtu, 15 Januari2004, jam 8.00 malam, bertempat di Laman Akademi SeniKebangsaan.


Untuk maklumat lanjut, sila hubungi Tengku Elida Bustaman (0163284493) atau Fazli Ibrahim(016 2982905)
*********************************************************************************
Mom was back yesterday and she looked better, more than happy.Thank God for that.


Since mom is back, I don't have to drive to work today which is a good thing.U know last two day I drove to work and went out for a drink with Noone after going through a hectic day. After talking and yadda..yadda I headed back home. The thing was I dun even remember the process of going home.I mean, for all I know I was in side my pitch black porch. I dun even remember pressing the pedal and driving and enjoying the view.It's like being hypnotize.What if I met an accident or get mugged along the way?


To tell you the truth this is not the first time. It seems like my mind work by itself without needing me to think about it, especially when talking so I can be excuse if I muttered some acidic words or what notlah[ha!].Have you been in this situation, where your mind do things without you realizing it?Left alone when your high on drug or intoxicated..I mean when you're soberlah.Hmm?I mean I'm pisces, so it's forgiven for me to have day dream or to get lost in my own world.[hehe].


Or maybe i'm just crazy.Sheesh


Ok people, back to work.

Looks

Bloody cold morning.Am hungry but tonnes of works to do.Boleh tak macam boss aku bagi aku makan gaji buta je?Tolongla boss.Malas gile ok?


Ok, serious mode.Do you think looks matter?Was hanging out with Lin last night and she told me how she wish she could find someone not just based on their good looks.She tried but she just can't.For me it's easy-peasy.I don't opt for look that much but I prefer the inner beauty[cheewah,poyo la plakkan aku] .Why?Coz I you get attach to some cute guy you'll be insecure[like me now,ha!].And somemore, kalau muka je cute perangai macam lahanat nak buat apa?But yes, there are cute and good looking guy who are nice but as they said they are either taken or gay, and there are ugly guys who just don't get it.Hehe


The most important thing I think is compatibilaty and comfort.Looks can fade away but if you're compatible with that person, it can lasted for your whole life.I think it's an ego booster to have a good looking partner. You know when you stroll along with that person, people will look and maybe that's a satisfaction to some people.Ok, fine..Maybe looks does matter,I mean atleast that person must have the 'nice-to-look-at' face.Kalau pecah rumah sangat, susahla jugakkan.But you have to be relevant also lah.


Anyway, Lin..If you're reading this.Just let go of that guy, even I know he's good looking and worth drooling for.Guys who treated women like they doesn't matter should be burn in hell.


By, jangan saiko.U cute ok..sgt!

Fringe

Ok.I'm so fed up with my hair.It's in the process of growing so it looks shitty.Was aiming for the cleopatra look but hey, lama gile nak tunggu rambut aku panjang ok but I shall wait.Anyway, I decided to do something with my hair.I cut the fringe while chatting on the phone with my baby and today paige told me that I look like a cat or a thailand exotic dancer.What??I'm suppose to be cleopatra in a short hair version!!I mean she should say that I look like an egyptian or something.

Do I look Thai?[please ignore the fact that my face is fat]

Anyway, to think of it.Thai chics..Not bad.eh?

Kinky.haha

Gone

My mom is going to some unknown place until further notice.Sounds weird right?It is weird.She told me not to find her coz she's trying to find peace for her mind.I tried to pujuk her not to go but she instisted.Man, I'm so worried.I only got one mom and only God knows I love her so much.


Had a heart to heart talk with her last night.Apparently she can't get yamyam out of her mind.She said she 'dah sayang sangat'.Oh boy, was a tough job convincing her to forget him yesterday and I cried.Ahh,lamenye aku.Sesikit nak nangis.And so that's her reason to go away, to seek for comfort.It hurts alright and it's more hurting to see your mom cried because of some bloody cow.Ko sampai hati buat mak aku camtu eh?


Anyway, aku dah tak larat nak mencarut dekat kau dah.May God bless you.Just remember, what goes around comes around.


To my baby, thanks for beeing there for me.Really appreciate it.Mwah!

Insecure

*Warning:Another psychotic entry.Sape yang takleh menerima elemen saiko can just sod off.


Yeay!I watched the premier of Bridget Jones with my STF sistas!Inspiring[hah] story I might say. A must watch movie for every gurl.


Anyway, I found myself having the same problem with the main character.Insecure[no, it's not the fatness and crankiness. ok maybe a bit of crankiness].Ok, fine. Finally i'm admitting that I'm insecure.Demm


I'm insecure coz I'm not beautiful.I'm insecure coz I'm not thin enough, I have fat ass extra flesh everywhere and I'm insecure coz err..Beeing hurt to much, which make me feel I'm soo not worth it.


Weird. Coz I never feel insecure before. I only realised this when I fall for this guy and for all the sudden I becoma paranoid.Maybe it's the bad experience invite the shivers kot.I mean what if he finds out the dark side of me and what if that I'm not just worth it?Sialla..Kenapala aku boleh ada pemikiran camni hu?


Tula dia, nampakla kan kalau fail bercinta mmg akan rasa down.Dahla fail blaja, fail bekerja,bercinta pun fail..adehh..Saiko sial.

Happy Birthday Nick!!

The Birthday Gal with the killer 'kening'.

I know her 11 years ago.
She likes blue and I like err..blue? [that time la]
She is so funny
She is pretty
and she likes Bon Jovi


We clicked quite well
Despite many differences
Despite many arguments.


Now that she's 25
I still see her as the old Nicky
My best fren
My first love[haha, just kidding]


Happy 25 Birthday
To my gorgeous best friend
Nik Haryati Nik Mohamad
Remember,
You are stuck with me
I will always be by your side
and I love you so much[I mean it]!


-Hugs and Kisses-
Chics



P.S: To that person,you are stuck with me too.hehe

Diet

I have not been eating properly for the past few weeks.I haven't had any dinner since Monday left alone breakfast. Can you guys believe that I still have my ferrero rocher that I bought a month ago, sitting nicely on my table.And yesterday, I made Juliana eat my ruffles since it has been on my table for a week already.Plus, I haven't had any tea since monday. Is this serious or what?Usually I will finish everything, including my collegue's food.Haha


Anyway,I think it's a good sign since I saw some flesh bulging from my underpants while I was drying my hair this morning. Maybe I'll be thinner this year and be drop dead[not dread] gorgeous after all[haha].I wish!Sheesh


Enough craps.


Even if I dun eat anything, I dun feel hungry instead I feel so happy and high. Can't seem to wipe off this smile on my face. Pagi tadi kene maki dgn client pon aku sempat gelak-gelak lagi..High sial!!


I wonder why...

Arghh..Why??

Warning:Another emotional entry


I woke up with a good feeling that today is going to be a good day but I was wrong.


On my way to the office mom started it again


Mom:Semalam emak pegi jumpa Imam besar masjid negeri. I asked about samsul
Me:Huh?
Mom:*cry*
Me:Please, I dun need this.U will just totally blow my whole mood for today.
Mom:No, this is the only time that I can talk to you. I think you need to stand by his side.


So there she goes.and on..and on..and on..About how nice my ex was..how loyal he was..and how wrong for me to ditch him. What she said does make sense but I am the one who is hurting. Sakit tau tak?And did anybody care about that?Did anyone understand how am i feeling at this moment. Why must everybody keep blaming me and don't even care what I want?


I just dun want to be hurt again. Call me sombong, ego or whatsoever but the answer is no.I had enough.My life is getting better now compared to past few months. I began to attend weddings, I began to smile and laugh and I began to date a guy.So why should I blew again? Why should I be sad and cried my lungs out at night anymore?Haven't she forgotten dad got heart attack and was in ICU because of him?Did she forgot that I nearly lost my mind because of him?


I just wish that..someone would understand me..not just thinking about what they want to see..


Sometimes it's good to keep things on your own.


OK.Enough!


By the way, someone ask me last night

"U, lagu buat aku tersenyum tu lagu apa?"

Okla finela, tak penah dengar ye..


Buat Aku Tersenyum
Datanglah sayang dan biarkan ku berbaring
Di pelukanmu walaupun tuk sejenak
Usaplah dahiku dan kan kukatakan semua


Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar


Rasakan resahku dan buat aku tersenyum
Dengan canda tawamu walaupun tuk sekejap
Karna hanya engkaulah yang sanggup
katakan aku



Karna engkaulah satu-satunya untukku
Dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku
Dalam susah ataupun senang


Dapatkah engkau s'lalu menjagaku
Dan mampukah engkau mempertahankanku


Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar


Peringatan Penting:Lagu ini tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup atau yang mati [ok fine, maybe ade sikit].

Colder I get

Yesterday when I was about to hang out with Ikhwan, my mobile rang. The number started with o8 something something. I was thinking to myself.Borneo's number.Who the hell is this, I dun have any borneo friends except for Laila but she's here now, in KL.


Me:Hello, who is this.
He:Hie, this is xxxx[nama terpaksa dirahsiakan..hehe]
Me:Who?I dun know any xxxx
He:It's me, I'm from myspace, we spoke once or twice on the internet.
Me:How did you get my bloody number?
He:Go on, you can say fuck off but i'm just trying my luck.


I know this guy. I was mean to him and I was mean to everybody who message me on my YM or friendster or myspace or whatever excepts for my existing friends.And now he has the guts to call me even I treated him so cold.I may be cold but I'm not rude. Since he put the effort to find my number and called me all the way from Sarawak [he is an oil and gas engineer and currently is working off shore] so I just talk to him.


I am cold and I am mean to people. Like Ikhwan said I perhaps did that because there is so much bitterness in me, which is so true. I have heard people labelled me as snob,cold blooded, berlagak,biatch and this guy called me JAPS [Jewish American Princess].Do I care?I don't..I'm immune with people calling me names.People don't know me anyway so why should I care ?


He know that I was cold but he took it as a challenge.What?What challenge?This can't be real. I conciously beeing cold to people to drive people away from me coz I have too many heart breaks and I was trying to protect myself and this guy find it interesting.Hah!He even said that he would call again even he know I would still be stiff and hostile.


I hope there won't be too many guys like him coz I have a reputation to mantain.Haha!

Celebrate

New year. New day. New me.


Didn't go to any rave party but when to BBQ party with my friends. Was nice seeing them again for quite some.Was laughing like mad despite cute guys existance there. [cute or not tak sure tapi assume jela cute].


Then had a sleepover with my lovable nicky.

Baring-baring wuth my huge zits showing off it's face.Sheesh

Tido..Zzzzz

Anyway, someone said that i'm such a cold person. Indeed i am. So my latest new year resolution is not to be cold to that person who I had a blast time going out with *wink*.Hehehe..We shall see..Shall we?