Fixing a broken heart

It was hard to imagine what the broken hearted actually means. I used to think that it's just a saying twisted by some lame ass. A phrase that signify nothing but I was mistaken. That phrase was a powerful one. At times I can feel precisely what it meant. Broken hearted, being stab at the heart, hati remuk, berkecai. You name it, it's all in me.


I have reached the extent where I think true love doesn't exist. It's arduous to make believe that man can be so in love with a woman. In my eyes men are so wrapped up with their own macho world, why would they care about feelings? I dunno, maybe that's my perception but at the moment I just can't soothe my heart to have faith in it. I mean, all my life I have given the very best in me in [where I also can't believe that I have that part in me ]but at the end it backfires. Maybe it's my fault for loving too much, maybe I should seal my heart and leave it frost perpetually.


All I need is attention and for a person to care about me. To care and to fight for me, to listen up and to make me feel worthy. Not only when I'm on my highest spirit but also when I'm in the most deep shit holes. For all my life I have been taking care of my own heart because everybody was busy dealing with their own life. I always dream that one day, I would stumble on someone that will really care about me, well I guess it's too much to ask.


I'm too weary to fire up everything all over again. Some part of me are breaking already. Tired and exhausted. So I won't ask much. If you want to love me, love me but if you don't you can always treat me like a piece of dirt like everybody did. I am not some kind of supermodel who is that important anyway.


But if you do, please love me as what I am not because of my look, not because of my ass or even of what I can offer you. Just love me as the way I am, as girl who needs a loving comfort from a guy. And I promise that you shall not be wasted.


I'm sorry if this is hurtful but this is exactly how I feel.