Mixed Emotions

It's payday and i'm already broke..haha.

Seriouslyla, I need to get a new job and maybe a new haircut. I hate my hair now. Or maybe I hate my life.

Let see, I have lots of friends but still.. I feel like I'm alone in this world. Not that they dun call me and ask me out but I'm the one who is feeling lazy coz I dun feel like going out. And if I did, I will feel rotten and spoil the mood. So I will chose to sit and home and layan perasaan. Jiwang sial, gua.

There are also some guys who are waiting on the line but somehow I will manage to highlights things that will drive me away from them. Bad eating style, bad teeth, posers..Urgh.. I mean I know I'm not perfect but..I dunnola. They are nice and all it's just that I can't focus on their nice'ness' instead I can only see things that will make me not want to be with them. Anyway, I dun think they are sincere either. Some are but some aren't. How I know? I knowlahh..Ok fine, I'm choosy..I can take that..

Do you think i am getting crankier? Coz I think I am..and I think I'm starting to become a boring person. And maybe more paranoid than usual. And you know what?I think I have two personalities..Like right now..my normal side is talking..having some argument with my miserable side. I'm so confused coz i dunno which side should I listen to.. hehehe..paham tak ni?[meminjam kata-kata ciko]

So tell me..How do I reach the nirvana..the tranquility in life?

Get Connected

Still no connection.Arghh..I soo missed my Yahoo Messenger chatting.Hehe.I feel so miserable and now, have to use dial up connection and this machine is so out of this century.Bapak lembab. To my mesenger frens yg slalu mengumpat or mengurat online..Sorryla people..Will be back in action ASAP ok?Itu pon, can't be that active pasal my superior's pc just seblah pc aku je..hehe..Dengkila derang ni kan?kan?

Ahh..talking about lembab..No more lembab pc for me coz we got new pc's!! And i am entitle for one.Hihihih..Habisla pc tu aku install macam2. If only I could get the flat screen instead of using the new one.Oh well, asalkan processor laju pun dah kire ok. The new office is ok i guess.Much more better than the old one.The bad thing is ..we have to share toilet with other people and..we dun have any basin in the pantry..Urgh..

Anyway, I like the new office coz it reminds me ..that i have to go shopping for ..er..office accecories maybe?But really, I have to..U know to boost my semangat kerja.


Today, will be going for berbuka puasa at Hilton with Ciko and his fiance.Ahh..can't wait!!

Selamat berbuka puasa and take care.

muah..muah..

Tata

Mommy

Still no internet in the new office.I'm now in the old office,juggling betweenn taking calls and surfing the net.Haa..It's better than pretending to be bz at the new office eventhough we know there's nothing can be done.So i chose to become a receptionist here.


Mom went to Jakarta yesterday. She must be feeling so happy now to rejoin dad there.I bet she's happily preparing dishes for berbuka puasa. I kinda missed her though. There's nobody to laught at my jokes at night..No body to main cubit-cubit with..No body to mengumpat2 some more..and nobody to fuss around berbuka puasa time..Yeah, I am sad.I nearly cried when the house went so empty and I was so lonely last night..no more "Na, awak buat apa tu?Jom teman mak tengok tv"..*sigh*..

Uhuk..Uhuk..I want my mommy!

Yang ke 11...

Guess what?The internet connection is still up!Isn't it a bliss?

Received an email from my friend yesterday..She just got married end of last month and now she's pregnant 6 weeks.And same goes to my other friend. To me this news is depressing. I mean..Look at me..I dun even have a boyfriend!! And everyone is happily settling down..with kids and all. I mean..am I that ugly??Must be my fat ass.

Was talking with evilblue about this topic yesterday since that girl is our schoolmate. Oh yeah, we love to gosiip soo much even it's virtually done.

EvilBlue:Nenek aku cakap kalau kite slalu tukar boyfriend, kite akan kahwin dgn boyfriend yg ke 11.
Me:Hoh?*Start counting*
EvilBlue:Nak kene ade 11 boyfriend ke baru bleh kawen :(
Me:Uh, yamyam yg ke spuluh..lepas ni bolehla aku kawen..hihihihihhi
Evilblue:Aku..Bf skang yg dah ke sebelas..mueheheheh*i bet die tgh tergelak-gelak gatal*

Isn't that crappy?Since when i start being a superstitious person?I mean..Where did the old Chics go?I'm suppose to not care about superstitions, feng shui or whatever and i'm suppose to be a paranoid when it comes to the M thing. And why issit must be yg ke 11?Yg ke sepuluh tak boleh?Tau tak nak carik yg ke 11 tu susah? Ingat apa, mcm pilih kain kat Euro Moda ke?Iskhh.. Emo pulak.

Yeah..That's it..I'm going to end up as a spinster with cats..*frown*

Kuih..kuih..

Finally, I made up mymind that I shall bake kuih raya this year, especially tart and kuih conflakes.Was thinking to proceed last year but my aunt did not return the oven.So whithout oven it is not possible. Takkanla aku nak buat tart goreng pulakkan.Since mom will be going on Sunday, I'll start on Saturday so when she's gone I'll know what to do.Let see..I'll be baking for my house, for my aunts and for yamyam.Ok..Ok..I'm not suppose to do that but c'mon..it's hari raya la ok.. Niat sebenanye ialah untuk mengambil hati Pn.Saadiah..haha[gelak terpaksa]

Anyway, my plan are actually to sell them tapi mcm tak sempatla kan.So tgkla camne..

Uh..Felicia told me that there will be no internet connection starting from this afternoon and tomorrow.You see, we are in the verge of moving into our new office.So everything has to be disconnect including pc and cables.

Think again.No internet?Whattt??

I rather die than having no internet connection..Cheewah..poyo..

Fat girl

I think I'm going to get fat when hari raya come. I ate like a mad girl when it turns to berbuka puasa time.Demm yuh, pasar ramadhan.Then again, I should blame myself.Was thinking to buy kebaya bandung for hari raya so I can impersonate those models on the front cover of the 'kebaya' book written by Pak Lah's wife. But with the budge on my tummy..erm..I dun think so still..it will not stop me to buy one.Was thinking to buy it at Jakarta tapi tgkla camne..

Talking about endonesia, I really like this song. Usually I would like a song because of their lyric but this time..I like it because of Kris dayanti's botox-face-enhancement.She looked different in the video clip.With minimal make up and black long hair [which make me weep after my short artificial brownish hair] she looks stunning. See, botox can do lots of wonder.I usually don't opt for botox I rather have liposuction..haha.Anyway here's the song.

Cobalah Untuk Setia

Krisdayanti

Apalah maumu kasih
Kaupilih diriku
Didalam hidupmu
Nyatanya kulihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

Reff
Yang selalu kuinginkan
Yang selalu kunanti
Kau coba untuk mengerti
Apalah arti mencinta

Dan harus kau sadari
Bila ingin bersamaku
Jangan coba kau ingkari
Cobalah untuk setia..

Apalah maumu kasih
Kaupilih diriku
Didalam hidupmu
Nyatanya kulihat kini
Tak bisa kau coba untuk setia

Sudah cukuplah sudah
Ku memberikan waktu
Kau selalu tak bisa
Mencoba untuk setia

back to reff

Masihkah aku diinginkan
Masihkah aku di dambakan
Masih ada waktu untukmu
Bersamamu akankah kujalani hidup...
**********************************

Anyway, someone said that he really likes this song and he dedicated to me and while saying this, he threw me a meaningful look.Why of all the song in the world he dedidated this one?What is he trying to indicate?That I am a player??Huh?

I am just keeping my option open..

Bloody..

Hah.Monday come again and i was bloody sleepy.The reason?I slept about 3 a.m last night.Eventually yamyam manage to track me and had to deal with him.Manala aku nak larikan.Malaysia is not that big.Demm..Will tell the story nanti-nanti kay?

Bapak mengantuk.Oh, my boss did mention about my bad performance in the office last friday and i nearly cried when I told her what was my problem.Hmm..She seemed to be tolerant.But U see..Usually after kene marah, I will try to do something to make things better but now..I just dun care.And here i am blogging in the office eventhough keje melambak2.Haaaa..Nevermind.I'll be writing my resignation letter sooner or later..Aku dah malas gile nak keje.Totally devomativated.Thanks to samsul kahar and family.Ok fine..Dun blame poeple, chics.Blame yourself.

Seriously, i am thinking to quit my job and perhaps do temp jobs while waiting to pursue my master this coming February.Itu pon kalau dapatla.Kalau tak dapat, I will continue bloodsucking my parents and some-unlucky-guy-who-will-be-my-future-boyfriend.Doesn't sound like me at all.But who care?People change all the time and so can i.

Ok dah.Time to buat kerja or buat-buat buat kerja.

Happy breakfasting everybody.

Added:

Was happily doing my job when suddenly i received a phone called that sort of scared me. The caller was a chinese male who speaks in a very low voice.

Me :Good Afternoon, this is Sharina speaking.
Caller :Who's on the line?
Me :This is Sharina Speaking
Me :Ah, it's you.You were rude to my friend.You were very rude.You owe him an apology.
Me :Huh?Excuse me?I don't remember being rude to anyone.
Caller :Well, my friend stated that u were. So we would like to make an arrangement with you after your office
hour.We will come and meet you and we'll go somewhere.U and us.
Me :Huh?And who will that person be?I mean, I want to know the person's name who I should be
apologizing to.
Caller :You will know later.Just meet us and you will know.So it's settle?After office hour?
Me :Er..I guess..
Caller :All he need is a little handshake.

And he put down the phone.

Was was that?The call freaks me out.I can't recall being so rude to anyone but I did told my candidate the truth, things like why i would not propose them and all.Where the hell are they going to bring me?I was not supposed to say yes but I was kind of blur plus he spoke in a lower voice.Handshake?What if it takes more than that?

Fuck.Takut.Sgt takut.

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

Happy Fasting to all Muslims. Yeah..It's fasting month again. Normally, fasting is like a piece of cake for me but since I worked here where the environment in 99% Chinese and everybody keep eating all the time, I think Ramadhan is going to be a lil' bit tougher this year.

Did not make it for sahur this morning which is so typical of me. I had chosen to sleep rather than chomping on cold, sleepy morning.. That's always the case but as mom said, I should think again coz I might hanker after the berkat of sahur. Ok..I'll see what I can do.Nooot.

Next week mom will be off to Jakarta already and I'll be eating alone since yamyam is no more in the picture. Oh did you guys know that I had successfully ignored him? With the exception of yesterday, I unintentionally smsed him when the sms was actually meant for somebody else. Darn. Nanti dia ingat aku sms kat dier plak..Which I think he did coz he replied back.Urghhh..

Is there any way to tell him it's either to sod off or settle his own issues without talking to him? I would not welcome him unless he shows me result. No more craps. No more sweet talking. No more lie. Just prove it. I had enough heartache. I prefer to be alone rather being with someone who can't stand for what they believe. And you know, Paige called me 'witch' coz I was so cold blooded.Do I care?Not even in a million years.

I think I should take up telepathic class. And again..Before I pen off [ayat karangan skolah menengah rendah..haaa!] Happy fasting and to those yg tak puasa, Happy Deepavali.Hehe

Nu!

Oh well, here's the layout.It's black..I know..i'm not so into black but black is better than green,plus..this is an express one so just go with it ok?

Humm..humm..What's for today?

No mood for now..loads of works..Later kay?

Added:

Found this and yes, it slightly amuse me.heee

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Swing

Shite..I just hate anak bongsu lelaki yg manja which refers to my bro and my bf. Why? I was late this morning because that lazy bum malas nak bangun tido..and he didn’t refuel the tank and of course it took my 10 precious minutes..Arghhhhh!!!!Also he ruined my day yesterday , but I don’t want to talk about yesterday..Enough of yesterday.

Was having my-marathon-on-the-phone conversation with a friend [who can’t consumed milk..haha!] last night. We talked about our school days.. which make me remember that this is the end of the year. What did we do when it’s the end of the year?We threw party..It was meant to be to bid the senior farewell but I use it as an excuse to dress up..haha

Be prepared coz this was not like a normal happening party that you always go to. This is our style of party. After isya’ prayer one of us will find an unfilled pail [ye baldi basuh baju] and start mixing punch or drinks for slurping. Then we will bring into play of a hanger to stir it..hahaha..entertain already?The dorm will be decorated with coloured papers and colourful things .The lights especially will be tinted with colourful plastic so when you turn it on..It will give the red, green and whatever colour reflection instead of the normal one Hohoh..Too bad we don’t have any disco balls that time.. Foodstuff were usually ordered from makciks who worked in the dining or hall or any makcikla.My dorm usually ordered from a lady called makcik Senah.We would ordered soto.mee bandung and lots more..and it came with dessert. On that night everyone would put on their best dress [Nott!!] and make up or whateverla as long as you look as if you are ready for party. Then eating will begin and while eating each form had to perform anything to keep everybody entertain. After that gifts will be given to fivers as bidding them farewell and good luck.

The best part is when it passed 11.The light off time.Haaa..This is where my skill were trained. After feeling drained dancing in our own dorm,we would swing from dorm to dorm especially yg buat party jugak and menari2 mcm perempuan giller at their dorm .Hahaha..macam club swinging la plakkan. But dorm swinging were not easy, we had to face hazardous environment such as wild dogs and wild warden..hehe.Imagined girls in tight dress tiptoed around the school..and with hideous make up. Subsequently, we would go to our ermm..’ how to say this..ermm kakak or adik dorm’s and ..well..have a nice chit chat..or maybe they will join the swinging missionary later. Typically one will stay or ‘tido sekati’ therelah..

I wanted to post some pics of my swinging time here but..looking at the way I dressed..I think it’s better for me not to do it..hehehe..Anyway, it was fun and it certainly was a good training :P. To my fellow sista who are reading this..Do you still remember your dorm party??

Btw,I'm so bored with my layout.Dark green is absolutely not my colour.

+See, when I get the strength to leave

You always tell me that you need me

And I'm weak cause I believe you

And I'm mad because I love you

So I stop and think that maybe

You can learn to appreciate me

Then it all remains the same that

You ain't never gonna change+

-Foolish,Ashanti-

Updated:

Uh..Now I have 2 courses to choose..is it..master of information security and intelligence or master of information and knowledge management or should i listen to nikkit and take fashion instead?hahha..Oh God..Pening.Any advice?

Aduh..

Huh.It's coming back again.My never ending story.Why do I have to give him another chance and believe him eventhough I know that his middle name is lame.Now that i already did, my heart is aching again.

You know,I shouldn't let him hurt me again.
I spoke this words like thousand times to myself but then..
I always ended up giving in
Coz i'm so fucking in love with him and
I just can't help it.

Sharina,
You have to stop
You have to stop loving him
Coz it's just not worth it
He won't do much for both of u
He's not going to stand for you and not even for himself.
Just accept that both of you were never meant to be.

Aduhh..Remuknya hati...
Uhuk..Uhuk..

Tak Laraaatt

I adore flowers especially roses and lily. Did I tell you that?
I don't remember saying but I guess you read my mind.
Who would not be flattered when it was a bad day..
And you had tonnes of work piled up on your desk
And you would be thinking how nice it would be if you could just go home and sleep..
Then came the suprise..a pleasant suprise..

U bought me roses..
Red and pink roses..
My two favourite colours in the world
Sweetly delivered to my office
Making everybody goes "oohh" and "aahhhh"
Making me melt inside..

Paige said "How nice..Can I take it home"
Pauline said "I will ask my hubby to send flowers to me too"
I said "Tak larat*.."

The bad things is..
I can't stop smiling..
That my cheeks hurt..
And my brain is throbbing coz
Things will get more knotty
But still..

Too You..
U really don't have to do this..
But since you did..
Thank you..
Thank you so much..
You touched my soft spot..
Already..

The suprise

Hihihihihiii

Note:Tak Larat* is a jargon that we use to describe melt, flattered.

Dyke

This shouldn't be happening. I was telling myself not to fall for yamyam's trick but again and again my heart melt when he held my hands and smile affectionately. Shite..Somebody please knock me on my head.

Saw nani's and yani's wedding pic.Well, ramainye kawan-kawan aku kawen. Everybody is getting married.It's weird u know..before this I would cringed hearing the word 'marriage' but now..when i heard of people getting married, i can feel like my heart are being stabbed.I, probobly would ended up as a spinster coz I keep waiting for a thing that I surely know not going to happen.Talking about drama queen..Sheesh..

Maybe I should reconsider becoming a dyke. Uh..Did i told you about my date with my best mate Nicky a.k.a Nick? Last saturday we had a date..Actually both of us were dateless so we just date each other..hehe..I was thinking of buying another sluar cerut-cerut so I dragged her to Uptown.Since she was starving, she had her dinner at the hawkers first. I thought of dieting so I didn't ordered any food but then the glass noodle was so..tempting so we shared it together. She was SMSing Nikkit [Nikkit,sedap gile tang hoon tu..rugi kau takde..muehehe] who was in Australia.Since her hands was holding her cell phone so I decided to suapkan dierla..and when somebody called me she suapkan I baliklakan which is so common but then I can perasaan people started to threw some 'weird' looks to us.Issit weird to see two girls getting comfortable with each other. I don't think so..Ke aku yg salah?

Nicky:Chics, do u think orang pandang serong kat kite?
Me:Uh?Well, probobly.To hell with them.
Nicky:Yeah..Like I care..
Me:Anyway, I'm halfly dyke.
Nicky:Ohh..Issit?
Me:I thought U know..
Nicky:Ok..Whatever..Coz I prefer dicks.
Me:Oh..In that sense, me too.

It's more like appreciating women actually. I like to see curves and the way women walk gracefully. I used to stare at my ex-roomate when she was sleeping or even when I go shopping with yamyam I would stare at beautiful girls who passed by..hehe..It's actually a good thing coz I won't marah my bf when he keep gazing at other girls coz I value exactly how he is feeling at the moment. My ex housemates used to be scared of me coz during clubbing night when everyone was intoxicated I would just grab them rather than grabbing guys..hahahahah..

Anyway, someone told me that..it's a major turn on for him when he discover this..Hehehe..

I so want to eat U

Medical Cheat

My bf's back and so I was happen to be sick yesterday. I was thinking to play sick the night before since he was given a day off yesterday but hey ho, I guess God is Almighty and I had a fever .But then, instead going promptly to see a doctor we went for my bags and shoes shopping instead. It's amazing to think of it..Shopping can unconsciously alleviate my fever..Ehehe.By the time it was dark, then only I realised that I should come up with an MC tomorrow.Shite..camnela aku boleh terlupa gi klinik.So then my bf brought me to a clinic which he claimed I can easily get an MC.

Well, First of all..I was instructed to fill in a form and write down how many days I wanted the MC and also write down what ailment was I suffering from[macam aku doktorla kan boleh tau aku sakit apa]..hahaha..Then I was called to see the doctor.

Dr:Ok, sakit apa?
Me:Demam..tapi pagi tadikla..Badan saya panas
Dr:Hmm..Letak demam selsemelah ye.
Me:Ok…
Dr:*Take out his statescope and began to place it on my chest* Ok..Tunggu luar.

I was trying so hard not to laugh. First of all, I was only having a fever bukannya demam selseme and secondly, what the hell was he doing with the statescope, isn't he suppose to check my temperature..and finally although he charged me RM20 but it was written RM 30 in the receipt..Hahahaha..No wonder the Dr.Drive Mercedes..Clk Kompressor lak tu..

Nyesal siot tak amik medik..Kalau tak mesti tak lama lagi aku boleh beli X5.Hehehhe

P.S:Forgive me, tapi aku mmg tatau nak eje stateskop camne.

Hell day

Ok..now i gotta use this template coz the last layout was sort of killing me.For the mean timelah..

Having a bad start when mom casually asked me whether i'm totally gonna get rid of kuyam because she now saw that i'm constantly going out with somebody else. Urgh..All i want to do is to focus on my mork..now that she mentioned it, it sort of ruin my whole day..and shite..he's coming back this Sunday.I do miss him but somehow i find tranquility when he's not around.I dun have to think about his parents neither about him living in denial.Sad to say, these 2 weeks has been 2 wonderful weeks for me for the past 2 months.

And now when i'm developing a new liking for somebody else is what making this dilemma more complicated.And the fact that this guy is super duper nice and sweet and sort-of-melt-my heart is making me even more cankier than ever.And guess what?He got all the qualities I want in a guy..

The problem is..My heart says "yamyam" but my body and mind say "that guy"[haaaaa..sorry people not going to reveal the name..yet]


Oh shite..I'm now trapped in triangle love[cinta setiga]