Negligence

I was getting ready for PGLtM when a black SUV arrived in front of my house. Never saw that car before but not the driver. I met him the day before while I was enjoying my time shopping.


The first time I saw him was when I was 16. We clicked right away after he threw me his lame pick up line. It was lame all right but somehow they amused me. The relationship went on for 8 months, 8 weird months. We are more like friends than a couple. I don't even feel that he was significant at all. Haha


A day before, someone tapped my shoulder while I was enjoying my ice-cream. After 9 years I saw his face. I thought I would never see him again. He was with a kid.


"So you are married?" But he didn't nod.
"I have a son but am not married."
"Ahh..ok"
"But will be..soon"


And last Friday I saw him running trying to get away from the rain. I asked him what was he doing at my place at this time. He said he needed someone to talk. Haha, see when you don't leave your number that person will just ambush your house. Great.


He used to look cheerful, no matter what happened but today he looked far more than happy..


"What do you think of me when we used to be together?"


I nearly laughed. What do I think of him? I don't know. Perhaps he left a bad impression. He taught me everything, well almost everything bad. Which is not good


"What do you want to hear? And why?"


He smiled, more like a forceful one to me.


"Do you think I'm a bad person? I mean, do you feel neglected when you are with me?"


The truth is I don't coz we were far away and 16 was the time when you have fun with your friends. So I said no but I might if that happens today. And the he began his side of the story.


Dated a girl for 3 years and was blessed with a son last year. Being Chinese and with no faith in God it shouldn't be any problem. The problem started when he felt comfortable. Too comfortable. Busy with his feng tau life, business and his uh-ohh friends he hardly gives attention to his girlfriend. Not that he didn't gave any but perhaps it's adequate, to him but not to her.


I asked him what were the things that he did to signify that he already gave his best. Well, he was a bit reluctant to tell but he said that he didn't want to give all his time and love just for someone coz he doesn't want to be drowning too deep. He told me, there were times when he really missed her and loved her but he decided to keep to himself. He even sometimes refrained himself from doing sweet things even though he knew those gestures will make her happy. Never returned her call and used to take things easy between them. It's not that he doesn't love her, he did but he wanted it to be in control. He taught he was in the lead whereby the girl surely can't live without his presence; no matter what he did, she will always be there for him. For 3 years, he didn't even really bring his girlfriend to functions or even casual outing with friends. He prefers her to stay home or stay out of his way. Yet he claimed, he loves her. I'm like..What??


Now, after 3 years, the girlfriend finally had enough and decided to leave him, and taking with her the baby. She claimed that she is very tired to remain invisible, to remain not important and to bear unappreciated. She had enough. She needs to feel the true meaning of being love. The day that I saw him with the baby was the day he actually took the boy without the mother's knowledge. Losing her is already unbearable but losing the baby is more than that.


I can't dive in his feeling because I don't have a baby[obviously, hah!] and I don't understand how come he claimed he loves her yet treated her like she's nobody in his life? But I guess what he felt is genuine seeing his watery eyes. Damn Danny. I never thought you could cry, I thought your heart was built out of stone.


I can just listened coz I don't really know what to say. Maybe it's because one, we haven't spoken a word since 1997 and suddenly he came to me and confided me his story and second I can't really be supporting him coz what he did doesn't seemed right to me.


He wants to marry her but she didn't even want to see his face anymore. Now he said, all those money and entertainment doesn't mean anything any longer. Everyday when he walks into the house it sounded so quiet and empty. He used to detest calls from her on his outing with his friends but now how he wish the phone would ring.


He apologized for coming in such a sudden, I said it's ok. And I said..


"Remember the time when I asked for us not to be together and you never want to let it go? Because you said even you were not sure about your feeling that time but you still want to hang on because not having anyone was unbearable? You make me wonder today whether you really love her or it's because you just don't want to be alone.."


He gave me a frown.


"I love her, really.. but I was too afraid to show because I thought I don't want to get hurt but yeah, actually not showing her enough are even hurting"


True Danny, it hurts even more..to you and to her.
After he left, I continued what I left before he arrived but with a lump in my throat.