Chaotic

"I study psychology to understand what I am going through and what are the things that's been bothering me" A dear friend said to me as she read her psychology book.


I said to her "Well, hurry up I rather pay my friend rather than some doctor. I am seeing one you know" with a smile. I thought she would chuckle or at least smile but she frowned and looked at me deeply.


"Actually chics, you don't need psychologist or what ever. It's inside. Be strong inside"


Be strong inside. Inside.


What compose you to be strong inside? Besides God of course.


There are times when we feel so strong. Times when we feel we can overcome almost anything. I too, have my own strong moments.


I am not born genius yet I didn't bother much about my study. It's like if I passed, oh..ok and if I failed, oh..ok. Unaffected expression.. When I got my PMR result, the first person I broke the news to was my mom, she was so happy that she cried [ok, now I feel like I am such an idiot that she might cried of disbelief]. I was pleased but it wasn't adequate to make my tears drop. All I think was to relinquish my schooling in JB and continue my education in Shah Alam so I can have splendid time socializing and be closer to my crush er..friends I mean. I thought I wouldn't shed any tears but then when my dad arrived at the doorstep, it's a different story. My dad is an eventful person. I only see him like two weeks a year or more if I'm lucky enough. That time he was a having a big project that he couldn't even spent his time visiting me at school. But he came home immediately after he heard the news even though he's not supposed to. My dad.. to abandon his job is something out of this world. Yet he did, for me. The moment he hugged me, I feel so big, so strong. If there's a brick happened to batter me on my head, I would still be alive. And smiling.


MJ is like my heart and soul. I adopted her from her mom since she was 6 weeks. She was still hooked with her mom's breast milk that time and was not able to consume solid food. Despite going for parties and some hectic schedules, I would wake up around 6 in the morning to bottle her with animal milk everyday. And once a week, I would bathe her. During classes, I always wonder if she is doing ok or the other way around. So, when she fell sick it was overpowering. Her body temperature was hot and she hardly ate anything. She didn't even move an inch, just laying around helplessly without a single mew. In my experience, she probably would have at least 4 days to survive. That can't be happening. Not to my MJ. I did my best to help her. I woke up every 3 hours at night to feed her water to ensure that she won't get dehydrated and try to feed her soft food. My mom was at Jakarta that time. Sometimes after feeding her medication and saw no improvement, I would go out for a ciggie and cried alone. It may sound stupid to cry over a cat but to me, it's reasonable [shut up, no argument on this k]. But then one evening while I was reading a magazine besides her, she mewed. I lifted my head and I saw her staggering towards me. Do you know how that felt? It's feel like when rammed your mom's beamer onto a tree instead of getting yelled, your mom says it's ok and stay with you all the way on your visit to the doctor. And she hugged you which make you weep even more. You feel weak but so strong at the same time.


Those are some of my strong moments. When I think of my others strong moments, I could only find two similarities.


Love and appreciation.


When you feel loved, when you feel appreciated, you will feel strong.


So far I have two of those three in me.
Am still seeking for the other one..


Oh, on the other news, storytella updated.After sometimes, yeah I know.