Thursday, April 05, 2007

Twisting the time

I am feeling hollow tonight. I think I grow up too fast


I remember the orange ice cream I was licking while enjoying my night tv during one weekend back in 1987. I was not allowed to watch tv on weeknights and had to hit the sack by 10. Oh before that my mum would check my homework to make sure it's done. The other day I would just keep quiet when my peers went talking about tv series they watched the night before. I wish I could join the err..err forum?


While I was licking the orange ice cream and watching tv, I was thinking. This is such a bliss. Watch tv, eat ice cream and at night! Being an dult must be so cool. I can't wait to grow up.


Also I remembered the excitement trying on my aunt high heels which were way more bigger than my size. I remember admiring one of them. A white peep toes with a ribbon in front. It was such a lovely feeling walking around the house in that shoes making the sound "clk..clak..clak". My excitement ended my when aunt told me to get off from her shoes for she's scared I might break the heels. So I thought, it must be so cool being an adult, waking in high heels and feeling pretty.


That's why I could not understand a famous jingle by toy'r us " I don't want to grow up..bla..blaa". Hey, I want to grow up.


So I pray hard that I would grow up very fast.


But then a week ago, I was enjoying my vanilla rut bir ice cream[kengkonon ice cream floatla kan] when I passed the playground in front of my house. That time was around 5 pm and it;s perfect for an evening walk. Then, I saw bunch of kids take turn playing balls, dribbling and talk gibberish yet they seemed so happy. And some of them are happily laughing on the swings. I remember that feeling and I want it.


Two days ago, I was in section 2, binding my work when I see girls in blue pinafore and blue kain laughing to each other. Some of them are laughing with few boys in green trousers. Now, I never feel that. I never really have the opportunity to laugh and err..flirt with boys in their green trousers. We do meet boys in green trousers sometimes but I was so fat and ugly that none of them even look twice at me. Now, I want that. I want to feel ngorated by green trousers while I was still in my blue kain. But, not in maria mariana kind of way.




Manala suar hijau ni? Curik from digitaldome.org




Now I wish that I don't wish that I grow up too fast.


I want to feel all that, and again to some.
I miss it. I miss being happy over some free sedap food or feeling happy sebab cikgu ada mesyuarat guru and we were released early.


Or feeling happu because it's school holiday and your parents are going to take you for a picnic in pd.


The simplified happines.


Yet so pure.

No comments: