Rage

Hah! So you pressed the red button!


Initially I never want to write about you coz you are not that significant sampai aku nak tulis pasal kau pulak kan. That will make you feel important lah pulak nanti, even in a bad way.


I thought we could be friends but I should have known better. Lelaki-lelaki corny memang tak boleh dibuat kawan. Semuanya menyemakkan kepala hotak.


When I said we can become friends, meaning friendsla. Saying things like Your eyes are beautiful, seeing you that night is like a dream or My week was empty without you tu namanya bukan kawan ok! Tu namanya kejiiiiiii


I had enough of craps from man with sugar coated tongue. I nearly got diabetes listening to sweet-talking where at the end turn out to be biggggggg lies. And I took every strength I have to stand still again and dont say sharela dengan I, tell me what really happen to you. Fuck youlah. Why should I share my misery with people who I dont even know? I dont need any sympathy, thank you . Aku dah malas nak denga orang cakap kesian you chics, it must be hard for you, takpe you akan happy jugak nanti Taikla. Dah dekat sejuta kali aku denga orang cakap macam tu ok tapi semua macam celake,and I dont need to be save and Haha! I dont want to save you either.


Its true what you said, Im protecting myself to the extent I am being over protective. But if I dont protect myself who will? Engkau ke? Obviously not. People are opportunist and they only think about themselves, what they want. Probably you dont even have a clue what I hide behind this smile, behind this laugh. No, dont say you want to care or whateverrrrrrr coz I dont need that shit either.


What actually annoy me, you asked?


*sigh*


I have been repeating this to you every time we talked and even when the last time you called. So today, Im going to make it in black and white so that after reading this, engkau print dan baca tiap-tiap kali engkau rasa konfius kenapa I get annoyed.


You make me feel suffocated with your words. I can be a romantic person but only to those who I want to be. Macam engkau, yang awal-awal lagi aku dah cakap kawan biasa janganla gatal-gatal nak cakap jiwang-jiwang dengan aku ok. Maybe certain woman like that but not me. Aku tak suke ayat-ayat macam lagu Eddie Hamid atau kumpulan Spring ok.Aku geli. And tak payah caring-caringlah dekat aku.


And I dont like the fact that you try to show that you are somewhat important in my life. Macam, everytime you called and I did not picked up you will leave a voice message asking me to call back as if yeeee, kau memang bf akulakan yang aku nak denga sampai lapan voice message kau dalam sehari. And the fact that you sometimes try to be my knight in a shining armour sangatla meng-annoykan aku. I dun need anyone to save me, at least not you.


And I hate it when you say I like your eyes, You smile are heavenly What will you do when those things are gone? Will you still say it if Im fat and Im juling? Hah? You only fall for what I portray outside not what I am truly are. You..dont even know who I really am.


Plus, you are still trap in the time machine where buat lawak yang mengganoykan perempaun adalah kiut. Kau ingat ni zaman gila-gila remajaaa??

Tapi yang aku paling marah sekali is when every time I told you that Im not comfortable with your sugary words you will apologize and improve. Tapi bagi 2 hari lagi, dah start balik dahhhhhh those sugar sweet talking. Macam last two week when I told you that Im seeing someone you said fine, its over [nak over apa if we dont have anything at all?] tapi malam kelmarin kau boleh telefon aku and start talking craps again. I mean, hello..Aku sangatlah tau apakah jenis orang sebegini ok. Sudah banyak kali ketemu and I loathe them. So am not going to allow one more in my life.


Theres nothing wrong in adoring someone but perhaps your style does not compliment with mine. Boleh tak jadi mcm distinguished sket?


See, I dont mean to be so rude. You said you were hurt with my ignoring behaviour and my harsh words. The thing is, I..at the first place already told you nicely that I dont like it. You make fun of me and said that Im an uptight person, Fine, perhaps Im uptight then I decided to ignore you, butttttt you keep coming back for more.And nowww I have to use my desperate measures. Dont say that Im rude for no reason, you ask for it.


Please, I dont have any feeling for you ,actually I dont have any feeling at all. I am all numb.


For the last time, please..please leave me alone.