He was born in 1998 when his mother, Donna gave birth to 5 wonderful kitten. Out of that five he caught my eyes on the first look. He, yellow and fluffy and with a sweet face. I named him honey star because of his honey coated fur and the way he purred when I stroked him. I even called him motor bot coz his purring remind me of the sound of a motor bot engine. Loud and go straight to your heart.
Purrr.Bo..bott..purrr. Sweet
Yes, he was the apple of my eye. Every night, he would be the one who would share my pillow and put me to sleep with his sweet smell and loud purr. Just before I doze off, I would kiss his lemak tummy then only went to bed. At that time, I love honey star more than anything till the extent I pissed my ex off by telling him if I had to choose between him and honey star, without doubt I would choose honey star.
Because he never fails to love me and make my heart melt even after few hours of crying session.
I even write a will for him. Stupid but yes, I love him that much.
Things change when I brought MJ to Shah Alam, MJ being the cat who never been separated with me not more than few hours followed me like a tail everywhere I go which left no space for honey star. He started to act unpredictable and started to do naughty things to attract attentions. On my 25th birthday, he left me a big wound on my wrist that I had to receive a jab from a doctor.
But not like some cruel bastard, I never hit my cat left alone threw him from the fifth floor even the fact he littered on my bed or he tend to gave me more scars.
I still love him. Like I love him from the first day when he was born.
Last week, his health deteriorated. My mum said he might be suffering from leukemia and had no chance to survive. I cried the whole night after she told me that she might had to put him to sleep. But then, the vet said he doesn't need to be put to sleep, few jabs will do to cure his jaundice and he'll be fine.
I was so happy. Yeay, I thought.
We went to my grandma house and return the next day only to find honey star lying stiff in his cage. I panicked but thankful to see that he was still breathing. After given some advice from a friend I called the vet.
Me: You said he'll be fine *quiver
She: Isn't she?
Me: Hell no. Did you gave him an overdose jab?
She: Ermm.. Not really. Well. I tested to see how he would react to the jab.
At this point I feel like screaming. What do you mean by you tested? What do you think my cat is you stupid bitch?
Me: Well, obviously it didn't work. He's flat now.
She: Oh, so you want to bring him over and put him to sleep?
Me: No. I think he is better here.
Lancau engkaula.
I am not ready to let him go. I can't let him go. I had him for 8 years and it was still not enough. I still want his stupid purr and stupid clawing. I still want my honey star. For days, I sacrificed my sleep just to feed him the 100 plus + vitagen mixture. I am so scared that he might go away that I checked his breathing every one hour.
On every feed, I told him he is a fighter and he can't leave me because I.. I love him.
For few days he survived until two days ago his eyes were started to be filled with cuss. Honey star can't no more see. And he can't even move not even an inch but his heart was still beating.
Didn't I tell you that he is a sweet cat? That really love me? And would try his best not to let me down? That's what he did. Even he can't hold it anymore he tried because he know I am not ready to let him go.
But how could I bare seing him like that? Lying motionless with a beating heart. How could I let him,the one who always soothed me when I cried after breaking up with stupid guys suffer. I can't. I could pretend not to care and wait until someone dispose his body but I just can't. Not me. I can't even sleep thinking of him.
So yesterday..yesterday I gathered my guts and hug him tight. Probably my last hug. Although he still wants to fight but I want him to have his peace. It would be only fair.
I told the vet to put him to sleep, half choked, trying my best to control my tears. As she reached for the injection I excused my self and took a seat outside. Wept.
My honey star. The yellow-loud-purring-honey-star.. Who loves to sleep on the shelf. Loved. Is gone.
The dr asked me whether I wanted his corpse. I said no and asked her to buried him for me. I don't think I'm strong enough to even glance at him.
Inside the car, I cried until there's no more tears because I know.. today..today I lost my sweet manja cat.
Kakak am so sorry sayang. It's not that kakak don't love you. But I just have to do that. I hope you will forgive me and please know I did that because I love you. Just because I love you.
Maybe some of you don't understand what's the big deal. But to me, it is.
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