Note:Today post contains emotional elements.
After having some dispute with my self, I finally made up my mind to fetch yamyam at INTAN.Even though I was so irate at him but I just can't let my baby keep waiting in the rain and he was probably worn out from a long journey as of Sg.Petani.
I didn't talk to him on our way back. I dun even look at his face. I just dun feel like it. He was very very worried. Serve u right, Mr. He keep provocating me to talk and try to be sweet but to me I just feel..disgust..
Never in my life have people treated me like that. Even when I was chubby and hostile my ex still acknowledges me as his girlfriend whenever people ask. And now when I was totally brush up, he simply treat me like a piece of shit. I never dub him with bad names before (except for bodoh..heh..he called me that name too) because I really respect my boyfriend. But yesterday I dunno what had gotten into me. I started screaming and go calling him bad-bad names. Sorry, I know I went out of the line. I'm so sorry but I'm not guilty to say..u deserve it.And..Even though I promised my self not to get violent with my bf like I used to do with my ex..I broke that promise. I hope I didn't hurt u a lot but if it did..Padan Muke!
Think about it. When he was not around I tried to be as nice as I could be. I dun go out with other guy that I think would hurt his feeling except once (he already approved it). I was alone on my birthday. If I want to, I can called up my ex and both of us can spent an intimate time together. I can do that, yamyam was not around, nobody would find out..but did I do it?NOOOOO..I did not..
Anyway I forgave him last night since I missed him so much even though his excuses was so
LAME
LAME
LAME
"I was just trying to make her feel guilty"
THAT WAS LAME..but
I guess I just missed him and wanted to hug him.
I always find sleeping would make all my worries go away but today I feel worst. After getting up I feel like a total idiot. How can I easily gave in last night??I never allow people to mistreat me..not even my bf..
I swear he's going to taste his own medicine..soon..
P.S:Might not be writing for sometime after this..My final is coming up..
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
My boyfriend's back!arghhhh
What is the date today, people???Today is 25th February..meaning..my boyfriend is going to be in town, soon..i'll be fetching him at 6.00.Yeyeyeyeyee..
I washed my hair with that special conditioner which I rarely use so my hair would give the impression of being extra shiny (I know it's stupid but who care) . Clear up my room a bit so he would say
"sayang dah kemas bilik:..and would hug me(I love this part)
Not that I'm lethargic or anything ok, but biasela..bile dah balik malam-malam tak sempat nak kemas..bangun tengahari2 and have to rush to somewhere else. In another word. I'm going to make u really please, baby!!
I haven't got time to analyze my situation..Ehe..Now that I'm 24 I think I should put more perspective in life. Let me figure this thing out..
How fat are you now:41 kg
How tall are u:150 (frusfurating )
How many times have u ever been in love: err. Lost count
How many times u were heart broken: once and it still bleed until this very day.
Have u ever consume anything harzadous:Ermm..yes but I swear I won't do it again.
Which one do u prefer, clubbing or sleeping: Both
What are things u enjoy doing:Cooking, spending my time with yamyam and family,getting wasted(sorry).
When are you thinking to settle down: This year
With who: My current boyfriend.
If u are to choose between him and ur family, what would it be:My family, ofcourse.
What are your regrets in life:
1.Not studying that hard in school.
2. for taking my love ones for granted
What do you love most about yourself:
1.My brain
2. that I'm no more shallow
3. I have all the people who love me so much.
4. My look, my body and my confidence
What does u hate about yourself: my bad mouth
What are the things that u wish u could have but u couldn't:
1.tatooes
2.Puppies
What are the most suprising things that people told u:
1.That i'm less intelligent
2.That i'm a rough player (hey, i'm so lemah-lembut)
Finally what would u accomplished b4 u turn 25: Get pregnant.hahahahahahahaha
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update:
I'm so bored so i went on surfing and had a naughty idea on my mind.To check my bf's e-mail.So,being so naughty i went and read his e-mail..I was in shock and in tears..
He was replying an email from his friend who is also his ex's close friend(this is my assumption) .It read like this
> >bile nak bergirlfrend baru?<---- hmmmm, bab ni gua gagal la beb. tgkla camne kalau ada rejeki, ada le.
Gagal?Habis aku ni ape??What am i to him?Why should him pretend like i'm invisible.Is he afraid that his ex might know that he's taken?
He even ask about her ex..About her b'day blabla..and when i bbrought up the topic he simply said
"I tak ingat pon"
I think he still see her in my face.Bastard!
I washed my hair with that special conditioner which I rarely use so my hair would give the impression of being extra shiny (I know it's stupid but who care) . Clear up my room a bit so he would say
"sayang dah kemas bilik:..and would hug me(I love this part)
Not that I'm lethargic or anything ok, but biasela..bile dah balik malam-malam tak sempat nak kemas..bangun tengahari2 and have to rush to somewhere else. In another word. I'm going to make u really please, baby!!
I haven't got time to analyze my situation..Ehe..Now that I'm 24 I think I should put more perspective in life. Let me figure this thing out..
How fat are you now:41 kg
How tall are u:150 (frusfurating )
How many times have u ever been in love: err. Lost count
How many times u were heart broken: once and it still bleed until this very day.
Have u ever consume anything harzadous:Ermm..yes but I swear I won't do it again.
Which one do u prefer, clubbing or sleeping: Both
What are things u enjoy doing:Cooking, spending my time with yamyam and family,getting wasted(sorry).
When are you thinking to settle down: This year
With who: My current boyfriend.
If u are to choose between him and ur family, what would it be:My family, ofcourse.
What are your regrets in life:
1.Not studying that hard in school.
2. for taking my love ones for granted
What do you love most about yourself:
1.My brain
2. that I'm no more shallow
3. I have all the people who love me so much.
4. My look, my body and my confidence
What does u hate about yourself: my bad mouth
What are the things that u wish u could have but u couldn't:
1.tatooes
2.Puppies
What are the most suprising things that people told u:
1.That i'm less intelligent
2.That i'm a rough player (hey, i'm so lemah-lembut)
Finally what would u accomplished b4 u turn 25: Get pregnant.hahahahahahahaha
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update:
I'm so bored so i went on surfing and had a naughty idea on my mind.To check my bf's e-mail.So,being so naughty i went and read his e-mail..I was in shock and in tears..
He was replying an email from his friend who is also his ex's close friend(this is my assumption) .It read like this
> >bile nak bergirlfrend baru?<---- hmmmm, bab ni gua gagal la beb. tgkla camne kalau ada rejeki, ada le.
Gagal?Habis aku ni ape??What am i to him?Why should him pretend like i'm invisible.Is he afraid that his ex might know that he's taken?
He even ask about her ex..About her b'day blabla..and when i bbrought up the topic he simply said
"I tak ingat pon"
I think he still see her in my face.Bastard!
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Shallowness
My friends and I enrolled the 3R futsal challenge last Saturday. We didn't won but we did have fun..Atleast we did make it to the second round. To me, my teammates are all superb especially my goalie. She did a very good job saving our team from being kicked badly on the ass..hehe. She is a big size girl but she can really kick butt. She used to be the captain of our hockey team. I think she is just superb!!
On our last game, (where we were defeated :P) I only played during the first half..After that I got 'pancit' so I went out and was substituted with my other friend. As I was sipping my drink, I over heard a voice from at the rear of my back. That time, my goalie friend was stooping down after she successfully saved a ball.
"Uh, keeper tu tak payah pakai knee pad dah.Dia dah ada banyak 'pad' kat badan dia"
Hearing that, I turned back and give him a glower.
"Kurang ajar eh?". I didn't know why I said that but I think he deserved it. Lucky for him that I didn't give him a thud on his head. . After that, he moved away from my sight and keeps his fucking mouth locked .
I hate shallow people. I just hate them. I hate people who judge other people based on their appearance. It's just unfair.
When I was still in my teen years (sob sob).I used to be chubby. Way more chubbier than I weight now and I was ugly.. That time I felt so low, like life doesn't mean that much to me. I hate everything that revolved around me.I hate my family, I hate my friends and I hate my self. Why? Because people used to take me for granted..just because of my look. It's hard to make people listen to me that time. How do u feel when u fancy a person but he didn't even know that u are alive? How do u feel when they mocked at they way u dress just because u don't look good like the rest of them? It hurt..a lot.. So after I finished my SPM, I transformed my self to someone new..and wallah..here I am today..Totally happy with my self.
What I'm saying is..i understand how those people feel. It's not like they don't try to improve themselves but sometimes other things come along the way. They are just like us, human with feelings. Just because they look larger or whatever it is, they deserve to be treated like shit. It shouldn't be that way. To those people with shallow thought, i think they should be slay.
My mum is plump and I love her very much.Everytime I hear rudeness towards overweight people I feel like they are insulting my mum. When that happens..U know how bitchy I can be.
updated:Went to the lab after having a lunch with a friend, then i saw yamyam's ex again.I think she knew me coz she can't get her eyes of me..Yahh..baby..now u must regret letting THAT guy away..all i can say is..HE'S MINE!!
On our last game, (where we were defeated :P) I only played during the first half..After that I got 'pancit' so I went out and was substituted with my other friend. As I was sipping my drink, I over heard a voice from at the rear of my back. That time, my goalie friend was stooping down after she successfully saved a ball.
"Uh, keeper tu tak payah pakai knee pad dah.Dia dah ada banyak 'pad' kat badan dia"
Hearing that, I turned back and give him a glower.
"Kurang ajar eh?". I didn't know why I said that but I think he deserved it. Lucky for him that I didn't give him a thud on his head. . After that, he moved away from my sight and keeps his fucking mouth locked .
I hate shallow people. I just hate them. I hate people who judge other people based on their appearance. It's just unfair.
When I was still in my teen years (sob sob).I used to be chubby. Way more chubbier than I weight now and I was ugly.. That time I felt so low, like life doesn't mean that much to me. I hate everything that revolved around me.I hate my family, I hate my friends and I hate my self. Why? Because people used to take me for granted..just because of my look. It's hard to make people listen to me that time. How do u feel when u fancy a person but he didn't even know that u are alive? How do u feel when they mocked at they way u dress just because u don't look good like the rest of them? It hurt..a lot.. So after I finished my SPM, I transformed my self to someone new..and wallah..here I am today..Totally happy with my self.
What I'm saying is..i understand how those people feel. It's not like they don't try to improve themselves but sometimes other things come along the way. They are just like us, human with feelings. Just because they look larger or whatever it is, they deserve to be treated like shit. It shouldn't be that way. To those people with shallow thought, i think they should be slay.
My mum is plump and I love her very much.Everytime I hear rudeness towards overweight people I feel like they are insulting my mum. When that happens..U know how bitchy I can be.
updated:Went to the lab after having a lunch with a friend, then i saw yamyam's ex again.I think she knew me coz she can't get her eyes of me..Yahh..baby..now u must regret letting THAT guy away..all i can say is..HE'S MINE!!
Monday, February 23, 2004
Cheerish the Love we have
Punto died on Saturday night. I guess he just couldn't take it anymore.I wasn't there by his side when he died beacuse i just can't bear anymore death. i didn't even attend his burial ceremony.Perhaps it's true that some people beleive, ignorant is a bliss. not that i dun care about my cat it's just that..maybe i just dun want to care anymore..The truth is i just dun want to get hurt anymore..To punto.it doesn't mean i dun love u baby.U know u mean a lot to me..I'm gonna miss u so much!
Today, i feel much better.For the first time in my life, i took an interest to know all my cousins better. before this we would only shake hands just because it's our culture and perhaps some smiles and casual talks. But for past few days, i spoke, eat and hang out with them.I used to ignore my cousins who are younger than me coz i think ahh..i got better things to do and they might think like wise but i was wrong..I guess my uncle death, brought us together(sound corny).And how wrong all my perceptions are!!I even took the chance to hold Kimi who is only 1 1/2 year older.I NEVER HAVE ANY INTEREST TOWARDS BABIES BEFORE. I just dun like baby because ..maybe i just dunno how to treat them and well..i was known for being a tempremental person. To my amazement, it was such an incredible feeling to hold a baby..and he likes me..alot.. :)..
"uhh...Kak Nina pegang baby..seme org tengokk!!" That was what my other cousins said to everyone
"Hoh,bagusla tu..when r u gonna have ur own..perhaps this year?" That was my aunty..duh!!
The lesson i learn was..
Never ever take your family and your love ones (including pets) for granted.Cherish them coz u will never know how much u'll miss them when they are gone.
+love me when i'm gone+
Today, i feel much better.For the first time in my life, i took an interest to know all my cousins better. before this we would only shake hands just because it's our culture and perhaps some smiles and casual talks. But for past few days, i spoke, eat and hang out with them.I used to ignore my cousins who are younger than me coz i think ahh..i got better things to do and they might think like wise but i was wrong..I guess my uncle death, brought us together(sound corny).And how wrong all my perceptions are!!I even took the chance to hold Kimi who is only 1 1/2 year older.I NEVER HAVE ANY INTEREST TOWARDS BABIES BEFORE. I just dun like baby because ..maybe i just dunno how to treat them and well..i was known for being a tempremental person. To my amazement, it was such an incredible feeling to hold a baby..and he likes me..alot.. :)..
"uhh...Kak Nina pegang baby..seme org tengokk!!" That was what my other cousins said to everyone
"Hoh,bagusla tu..when r u gonna have ur own..perhaps this year?" That was my aunty..duh!!
The lesson i learn was..
Never ever take your family and your love ones (including pets) for granted.Cherish them coz u will never know how much u'll miss them when they are gone.
+love me when i'm gone+
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Another year older
"A year older
A year wiser"
That what was written in a card that yamyam gave me erlier before he left.He enclosed my birthday present along with the sweet card. I was supposed to open it today,instead i enjoyed my present 5 days earlier.How can u have the patience to wait when u have your present under your bed? Not that i dun love the watch bracelet he gave me but i rather prefer if he's here with me.Baby, i miss u so very fucking much!!
I'm having the worst b'day ever..I miss my bf.My uncle just died and now my cat is dying..
I'm supposed to be having a party tonight at asmosphere but i guess it just not gonna happen. To tina and my other friends,thanks for singing me a birthday song and for buying me a cake.I love guys alot.even we didn't won the 3R futsal challange, u guys still rawks!!
Humm...for once in my life i wish that i was not born in February..
A year wiser"
That what was written in a card that yamyam gave me erlier before he left.He enclosed my birthday present along with the sweet card. I was supposed to open it today,instead i enjoyed my present 5 days earlier.How can u have the patience to wait when u have your present under your bed? Not that i dun love the watch bracelet he gave me but i rather prefer if he's here with me.Baby, i miss u so very fucking much!!
I'm having the worst b'day ever..I miss my bf.My uncle just died and now my cat is dying..
I'm supposed to be having a party tonight at asmosphere but i guess it just not gonna happen. To tina and my other friends,thanks for singing me a birthday song and for buying me a cake.I love guys alot.even we didn't won the 3R futsal challange, u guys still rawks!!
Humm...for once in my life i wish that i was not born in February..
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