X-am

phewww...my first paper today..Despite Yamani looks cute today his paper was fucking difficult..atleast for me..i can't seem to know any answer for no 6 till 14.Damn..i know everybody were not suppose to leave early since the paper was hard but ..why in the earth should i stay any longer when i didn't know a shit to write down.Yes..Yes..my answer script is a laughing stock.I bet Yamani is making a joke about me now..whutevaaaa..

on the other hand my recreational paper went well even i didn't study a single thing about it..anyway i was happy..not only because i i manage to answer all questions but also..i can boy surfing cute cute guys(mostly from engineering fac) who also taking exams in DTC.hehhee...no wonder i can think clearly after that ;)

balik rumah..to ease my piece of mind..
mom said aie and dad saw pete!!!but he try to run away?

why r u runnig away from home pete?Dun u miss my hugs and kisses?
*weep*wweep*

might be going for futsal tonite!!yaya..love futsall

+kickin' ass+

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Accompanied yamyam to his futsal session last night.Nuthing much..just the same routine..eat,get fat,laughed and choked.then headed back home.

i wanted to show yamyam the power of friendster.I met a cute guy there..so 'click' i go.

new message from azhan,a close friend of my bro and also a friend of mine.

"hello,how are you.Apa crite?Aku denga aie beritahu kau KAWEN hujung tahung ni"

i freaked out.Get married?With who?After we both(me and yamyam) saw the message we just..dun have anything to talk anymore.

my bro is not the type who like to talk shit about me..i mean he probably refuse to talk about me at all(i understand why) unless there is something important or anyone asked him about me.Which means..he must heard it from mum..mum if u r listening..PLEASE DUN MAKE ANY DESICION FOR ME..and it's my life..

can't sleep after that..

but later this morning when i checked my new inbox messages for me azhan wrote again..something like this


"Oh,bukan ke?tapi aie cakap kau nak kawen..kee..nak bertunang..aku tak sure..hehehheyela..aku rasa bertunang kot bukan kawen.."

only God know how relieve i am..but still..sape lak nak bertunang???

why for all the sudden people tend to bother about my maritial status when i'm only 23??and i know how to take care of myself..maybe it's becoz dad is going off for some work overbroad and mom is going with him..so they need some guardian angel for me?

hummm..on the other hand..yamyam said if it's true..he wouldn't know what to do..That's not the spirit i want..but i guess,he's like that..

what a terrible and lazy day.Didn't have mood to do anything..not after i spent 1 1/2 hrs in the bath tub with my fav bubble foam..ahhhhhh...what a wonderful werld..


+i don't!!+

Bugger

rainy morning..brrr..best way to keep snuggling in bed.instead,I woke up and get connected..

yamyam call..again i was pissed off because he will be bz today..damnla..i shouldn't feel this way.i should feel..unmoved..tak payah marah2..or irritated or try to irritate him back.He should remain as the way i feel about him not as someone that keep flickering in my mind.

azam called..asked about do i have another guy..ironic..why ask the questin that u already know the answer..try my best to stay polite but still speak the truth..As the result..he was kinda sad..uh,oh..

he:what's the purpose of we taking the time off if u r seeing other guy?me:please dun care about me anymore(i know it's lame but that the only
phrase that i could think of)

but he made a point..maybe i should take my time off with yamyam too..hmm..but can i do that?

then he mention about Bad Datuk something2.That Bad saw me partying in some club in my disposed condition..ermmm..and he told azam

"we need to have a long chat.."yes..they are going to make me as the headline.Damnla these people..can they just stick their nose into their own life?

Bugger off!

when i said that to azam he said.."Bad is my old friend..of course he cares about me"..oh..fine..whatever..

i feel crappy..so crappy that i dun even want to study(excuses again..)
sheeeshhh..

study chics..studyy..got to aim high for robotic or else Yamani is going to laugh at my face..

+who will get the last laugh?+

Tut..Tut..

Had my japanese oral today..It was..o.k..can't answer one or two questions..i forgot the words in japanese but sensei just laughed.

Ermm..Not normal..Isn't he supposed to be tensed?

I though he was supposed to ask only 4 questions but it happened to be..tonnes of questions.Finally he asked me some personal questions.

he:did u learn japanese before?
me:ermm..yes.Why?*blink blink*
he:ur japanese is different from the others.Where did u learn japanese b4 this?
me:during my secondary.I was in blablabla..
he:Then i must be strict to u!

duhhh....what the hell is that supposed to mean?Is he going to give me low marks because i just flashed my most dazzled smile when i didn't know what the shit he was talking about?I hope he wasn't that cruel..

When i got home my housemate was using the internet,i wanted to make a phone call but now i can't..and azam called.Later i found out that he was in his way to KL.Probably he has already reach his destination right now.So then i went to have a nap with a hope i can use the phone but even when i woke up..the line is still bz.#@$%#^&..I want to download my notes for the exam..not that i didn't download them b4 but i couldn't find them anywhere.So,here i am in the lab.Writing and irritated.

Tonight, i will be alone.My housemate will be attending some gala dinner.They left me!!!Just because i was not home yesterday..huhuh..but no biggie..and yamyam will come a bit late.Fuck!I wasn't supposed to feel unsatisfied when he can't make it like the way i want to.I mean..i swear i won't be to dependent and i swear i won't give a shit to what he wants to do.I mean we are suppose to have separate life.So why must i have these feeling?Maybe i should see him less or spend less time with him.I hate when i have this kind of feeling..u know when u feel blue..the only thing that can cheer u up is thinking of him..when u are not suppose to do that..araghhh..GO AWAY...

i'm not supposed to fall in love..againn

+When i fall in love..+

Katz and Whiskers

when i woke up this morning,MJ was already waiting for me at the standing fan,licking herself.when i called her she mewed gayly and jumped to me.Aww..isn't that sweet.I wish Pete was here to do the same..so i can pat him and make him purr.I miss my Pete.Where are you?I'm not the only one who is missing him,MJ also seems so miserable.She mewed now and then to seek for her lost brother.Maybe she missed the way he licked her and goof around.I tried to look for pete or maybe some cat dead body but there's not even a clue.Atlest let me know what happen to him.It's disturbing to think of your missing cat in the middle of the night when u miss it..I really love cats.Not just cat,i am an animal lover.I would like to have dogs of my own but as a muslim it's sort of impossible.My mom is the secreatary of Feline Society Malaysia.It's not that i'm not that supportive but sometimes when i see all the darlings were kept on small cages for competition purpose i felt bad.I mean..don't do that to the animal that u love.I used to feel nothing about this ..untill i enrolled MJ and Pete.Seeing them mewed for mercy and they way their eyes looked so sad make me sad.After that,if mum force my darling to be enroll insuch competitions,i refuse to come.Can't bear to see them like that..

My love for cats also is the reasons why i hesistated in making new steps in my love life.I mean..if i won't be seeing azam anymore..that mean no more seeing Fluffy and Brownie.Please no..U see..when Fluffy stayed here not long ago,she will be by my side from the moment i fall asleep and till i open my eyes.She will purss like God know how.rubing her cute face to my hands..Hm..How am i supposed to forget that?Even though i have some allergic reactions to cats fur but still,i love my darlings to the max.Maybe in the future i'll be getting myself an exotic(pug look alike cat) and cornish rex..who knows i could be a breeder..chicsinred bla bla..my own dame..cool

speaking of love..as i read my fav local mag,Eh!,i came across an article by my favourite author,one of the sentences caught my eyes.

"Sometimes 'love' means to let go.Cinta,jika benar ia jujur maka ada masanya kita harus lepaskan dari pegangan dan biarkan ia pergi mencari langitnya sendiri.walaupun 1000 tahun berkawan tapi kalau tiada jodoh apa gunanya"

there're some truth in that sentence.Hmmm...maybe i should reread that article again..and why not?i always like they way she wrote all the articles in her column.then maybe i should rethink..

thinking of going back to hillpark today.Last night my housemate had some outrageous fun without me.:( and yes..that Herman guy is cute..drool..drool..

while studying in front of TV,switching to MTV,Blink 182(I love travis!!) appears..singing Adam's song..Or they should name it Chics' song.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd've known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when i'm gone

I never conquered rarely came
Sixteen just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldnt wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remembre the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault



I never conquered rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide- the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone




+let me let go..darling+