33 minutes past midnite..it’s merdeka day..amazingly chics stay at home tonight.Not that I was grounded or something but instead I sort of found freedom by staying home.I guess tonight thousand of Malaysian seeked for their meaning of ‘merdeka’.Some might be flooding all the celebration places or some might…passed out..hehe..This is a free country isn’t it?a country of freedom..so it’s your choice how to express your gratitude to ermm…whoever you think you should thank to.
As I was standing in my shorts and baby t, watching very very beautiful fireworks ruptured in the sky for all sudden I feel kinda inexplicable feeling inside..i feel peaceful and perhaps harmony.probobly because the sky was so beautiful or presumably because all my neighbors were joining me with their ooh and aaahhs.Even it was raining, I can see it all clearly but some faces are missing..my family and some people that I just can’t stop thinking about tonight.
Lately I kinda try to avoid seeing my parents.Usually I will never fail to reached home on every Friday evening,Saturday morning was the least but lately..ermm..i’m full with excuses. It’s not that I hate them(no, that never came across my mind) it just that..i dunno..i just feel more happy to spent my time with friends rather been left alone here.
And tonight I feel lost.. I feel that I lost my sense of loving someone that I adore for almost 6 years. He used to be my light and my life but now..tonight I feel the other way around. Maybe he should come back and be by my side like old time..holding me and tell me that he WILL NEVER LEAVE me. I hate when I missed him..I hate it when I cry,thinking about him but mostly I hate it when I have to convince my self that we can still stay together.. Even I know that I was deceiving myself. I wish he could just understand..that I really love him but he’s no longer in my heart..
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Friday, August 29, 2003
I would do anything for love
I thought Wednesday was supposed to be the last day to party but instead last night i had a good time again..oh well, no harm done right?Next week i'll be back on the track.I didn't sleep till 8. am coz at 5 a.m i had to fetched yam yam who arrived from t'ganu.
It is so amazing what love can do to u,isn't it?For the sake of love people would do anything even the most dumbest thing in the world.People would even die for love..that is so true.I have friends who can transform themselves just to satisfy thier other halves..Hehehe..Hoppers became rapper and so on.Some change for the better and some...became more worst.Anyway, whatever transformation that we have..the love that we are feeling is so inspiring..that sometimes for some reason we will smile even that time there's nothing sweet or funny to smile about..and some of us blush for no reason at the wrong time..
I really love to be in love and surely to feel loved but lately..i found that love is like running away from me..When i'm so in love with someone,that someone will tend to be apart from me.Is this fate..or is this a test?Too bad i can't stand long distance relationship,i just can't..i tried my best but i guess i never fit in.All i can say is i might be alone in KL again,unlesss he would do anything for love...
+I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
- Mae West (1892-1980)+
It is so amazing what love can do to u,isn't it?For the sake of love people would do anything even the most dumbest thing in the world.People would even die for love..that is so true.I have friends who can transform themselves just to satisfy thier other halves..Hehehe..Hoppers became rapper and so on.Some change for the better and some...became more worst.Anyway, whatever transformation that we have..the love that we are feeling is so inspiring..that sometimes for some reason we will smile even that time there's nothing sweet or funny to smile about..and some of us blush for no reason at the wrong time..
I really love to be in love and surely to feel loved but lately..i found that love is like running away from me..When i'm so in love with someone,that someone will tend to be apart from me.Is this fate..or is this a test?Too bad i can't stand long distance relationship,i just can't..i tried my best but i guess i never fit in.All i can say is i might be alone in KL again,unlesss he would do anything for love...
+I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
- Mae West (1892-1980)+
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Party is over
I had a blast on Tuesday night althought i can't recall the exact details.We went to HRC and meet up with some friends.We hang out and chill out untill 5.00 in the morning.When i woke up i already were invaded by those stupid rashes..again..
Still,last night I manage to made up my way to planet but i should say it's kinda boring..Even that happened,i still get home around 5 a.m
Anyway..Tomorrow will be a different week..No more partying..My life would be boring again..
Still,last night I manage to made up my way to planet but i should say it's kinda boring..Even that happened,i still get home around 5 a.m
Anyway..Tomorrow will be a different week..No more partying..My life would be boring again..
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Diet coke?
After playing futsal last night i realized my process towards collecting cellulite have to meet the end.I really look ugly in hot pants or my sporting short.Arrghhh..I have to start perishing them away..for ever !!Suprisingly, based on an article, creams or herbal thingy just won't shove cellulite away.Have to start my swimming and jogging session.Anyway, it's one of my resolution to get healthy and to curb looking and feeling old even when i'm old.According to some resource, it may happen because of taking lots of junk food..especially carbonated drinks which really describe me.I just love junk food..may be because when i was a toddler, my mom forbid and probobly curse junk food to be consume by our family.She said it's for the brain development.I wonder how is that going to work since i was still stuck in stupid phase.Anyway, i think i should do that since my legs are so ugly.I have fat legs actually..I need a killer legs!!But..no britney kinda legs..tq.
Might be going to HRC tonight.I'll be partying around this week since this is the last week for party.My housemate and i vow that we should start getting serious next week(I wish that would happen).Exam is just around the corner.I have to excell no matter what it takes,even i knew that i spent more time partying then attending classes.Somehow i have to watch myself tonite coz i have to attend my recreational class tomorrow.Hmm..I wonder if they will bar me this semester?
Might be going to HRC tonight.I'll be partying around this week since this is the last week for party.My housemate and i vow that we should start getting serious next week(I wish that would happen).Exam is just around the corner.I have to excell no matter what it takes,even i knew that i spent more time partying then attending classes.Somehow i have to watch myself tonite coz i have to attend my recreational class tomorrow.Hmm..I wonder if they will bar me this semester?
Monday, August 25, 2003
A bitch,a vengence and a heart of stone.
My weekend is like the other weekend.Nothing special,just spending time with azam.He left for Ipoh last night and for all that i know,i missed him..i really did.He was damn nice to me and was so patience even when i showed him my bitch attitude.I try to make him hate me and he said something like..
he:Kau cuba buat aku benci kau kan?That's why u are doing this to me.
Well,he was damn right.I did and i didn't feel bad.Not because i hate him or did it intentionally. No it's because i think it's some kind of payback. He hurted me.A lot because he left me alone, making me wept every night for him. After he's gone i struggled to adapt to my new milieu. For all i know, I succeed my attempt and slowly disregard him. But when he came back i would feel awkward coz his present seem to make me uncomfortable. I'm not use to have him around anymore. I found that all his doing is so wrong to me now. Even when he speak pleasantly to me, it just won't move me. I just can't figure out why..maybe because i'm kind of enjoying myself when he's not here to take care of me or the most suitable words ...to control me. He allowed my mind not to think of him anymore and slowly i'm having a heart of stone.I wish i could just make things right ..i wish i just can stop and hurting people..i wish i have the courage to make my decision..
On sunday due to my unbearable toothache, i went to see the dentist. I hate to go there coz even beeing a hi tech sort of girl,i hate the dentist's gadget.Uh oh..when prompting to the door, my knees weaken.I saw the 'devil machine',the one with the power to drill or do whatever that can cause blood to flow to ur teeth and gums.He was nice and gentle of course..but the moment he put his hand on the machine and start to do i dunno what to my teeth i trembled and my hand had to gripped my jeans.@#$%##.Luckily,i had no major problem,just some minor issues that can be settled by gargling with some red kinda mouthwash and rubbing some weird colourless ointment to my gums.And yes..the antibiotic(I hate medicine).He told me to pay him a visit on the becoming Saturday..Erm..thanks but no thanks.I wonder how can some people live to be a dentist?
might be going for futsal tonight after missing the monday session for about 2 weeks.Can't wait to get sweaty..
+If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone.+
he:Kau cuba buat aku benci kau kan?That's why u are doing this to me.
Well,he was damn right.I did and i didn't feel bad.Not because i hate him or did it intentionally. No it's because i think it's some kind of payback. He hurted me.A lot because he left me alone, making me wept every night for him. After he's gone i struggled to adapt to my new milieu. For all i know, I succeed my attempt and slowly disregard him. But when he came back i would feel awkward coz his present seem to make me uncomfortable. I'm not use to have him around anymore. I found that all his doing is so wrong to me now. Even when he speak pleasantly to me, it just won't move me. I just can't figure out why..maybe because i'm kind of enjoying myself when he's not here to take care of me or the most suitable words ...to control me. He allowed my mind not to think of him anymore and slowly i'm having a heart of stone.I wish i could just make things right ..i wish i just can stop and hurting people..i wish i have the courage to make my decision..
On sunday due to my unbearable toothache, i went to see the dentist. I hate to go there coz even beeing a hi tech sort of girl,i hate the dentist's gadget.Uh oh..when prompting to the door, my knees weaken.I saw the 'devil machine',the one with the power to drill or do whatever that can cause blood to flow to ur teeth and gums.He was nice and gentle of course..but the moment he put his hand on the machine and start to do i dunno what to my teeth i trembled and my hand had to gripped my jeans.@#$%##.Luckily,i had no major problem,just some minor issues that can be settled by gargling with some red kinda mouthwash and rubbing some weird colourless ointment to my gums.And yes..the antibiotic(I hate medicine).He told me to pay him a visit on the becoming Saturday..Erm..thanks but no thanks.I wonder how can some people live to be a dentist?
might be going for futsal tonight after missing the monday session for about 2 weeks.Can't wait to get sweaty..
+If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone.+
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