Nothing

I shall not write anything today.
Thank you

Forbidden

Have you ever tempt by something that you are not supposed to do?


Like me, I really want to adopt a puppy. I find that puppy is so cute. Hmm..maybe i could have silky terrier or chihuahua..Macam comel sangatlakan.And i will make him/her sleep with me like the way i sleep with my cats.But..it's a sin to have a dog for a pet.


I also would like to have a tatoo.Maybe a butterfly shape at the back of my shoulder..or maybe a unicorn.Sangat comella ok.Though the procedure is going to be excruciating but i don't mind really.Tapi I can't have that too coz, it's forbidden. Nanti nak semayang or manji wajib tak sah.


And i want cosmetic surgery.Ye memang aku tak puas hati dengan apa yang aku ada.Tapi sukati akula.Macamla aku nyusahkan korang.Tapi tak boleh jugak coz..it's wrong.


I wish i can kill people for bitching up my life.Macamla aku kenal kau.Macamla aku kacau hidup kau.I mean hello, kalau aku miserable ke happy ke..ade ke aku menyusahkan kau?Sukatila aku nak bercinta-cinta ke nak whining ke ape ke.Kau apa hal? Ni blog akula bodoh,sukati akula nak tulis apa.Tak suka janganla baca, tapi nampak sangat kau suka sebab kau baca sampai habis.Tak puas hati mehla jumpa depan.Atleast you can have a taste of my bitch slap, sebab aku takleh blasah kau sampai mati.Nanti aku masuk jel, sape susah?Akuu jugak yang susah..Ok,maybe i can kill that someone sebab maybe die miserable jugak and probobly not hot looking at all..but the most sad part is..that person have a ugly heart.So kalau aku bunuh pon takpe, kurangla sorang manusia berhati taik dalam dunia ni kan.But..again..i can't do that.Because, I can't take my own presecution..There is The Mighty one who will do it for me.Ha!


It's all..forbidden..

go away

Do you know how does it feel to be suicidal? Let me tell you about it.

You feel like your life is empty, like there's no more joy and it's not worth living. When you sleep at night, you wish you would never open your eyes and when you wake up every morning, you can't see any ray or hear the bird singing. All you heard is noise.Noise.And noise. And you wish you could make whatever it is shut the fucking hell up.

Things that you care don't matter anymore. Even things that used to amuse you failed to cheer you up but..to the world you are smiling and maybe laughing.

I am having a nervous breakdown and I tried to give signal to those who I thought care but I think they misinterpreted me. They say I'm needy and I'm hard to please. The truth is I'm fucked up. I am lost and I need comfort. But maybe I'm giving the wrong signal too. You see maybe all they hear was yapping, yapping and yapping.Or barking, barking and barking. I bet you too did not get my signal.

All I need is someone to listen, to love me, to comfort me when I'm feeling downhearted.. especially really down. Why issit that they only understand me when my spirit is soaring? Why issit that when I'm deprived and lost and helpless and seeking comfort they said that I'm difficult and needy and so hard to please? Can they see that I just want to be and feel really loved? That I need support?

I am not ok. How can I be ok when I cry when I supposed to laugh, I choke when I'm supposed to swallow, I feel fat when I can feel my own bones, I am tired but I can't sleep? I don't know why the hell I am having this frightful feeling. I really want to know where this shit comes from and how can to make it go away. Say I'm mengada or what so ever fucking things u want to say.I dun fucking care.I dun even give a fuck on what you think about me.

Kenapa aku aje yang nak kene give give give and give. Kenapa aku aje yang nak kene paham orang, nak kene comfort orang?Kenapa macam tu? Tak boleh ke orang nak paham aku macamana? How I feel and what I want?

To whoever said the world does not revolve around me,fuck you too.

No.I don't want to talk about it. Go away.

Fixed

I am happy today.Because ermm..I am happyla.And because liverpool made it to the final.Ok poyo aku tau.


My bro is going to jakarta today.He'll be staying with my dad, tak taula dia nak balik bila but i bet he's going to have a blast there and mum told me that she'll be going there next month for about two months that makes me alone in malaysia.Me? I am not interested to go.demmit.Ada jugak yang bunuh diri kang.tsk..tsk..


Anyway,how do you know that your broken heart is fix?
I've been thinking, not thinkinglah but more to feel.So here it goes..

1. when you think of that person you feel nothing and u will said to youself "what was i thinking?"
2. on going/passing the places where remind of of that person you don't feel your heart is aching anymore.
3. when your hear the song that remind you of that person you don't feel sad, instead u cringe.
4. you dun see his vision anymore everywhere you go
5. when other people talk about him you are not interested at all
6. you dun even want to talk to his friends anymore
7. you feel 'the urgh' on thinking on things u did together
8. you feel much much better and more happy with your current life
9. you can manage to thank him for all the lessons you learned
10. you dun keep things that remind you of him
11. you said to yourself "apsalla aku bodoh sangat?"
    
12. you are truly madly deeply in love with other guy
    

Ok.that's for today.
Happy wednesday people!

Paranoid

Ok. I think I'm crazy and I'm paranoid.No, i think i have mental problem.


Like last night, i was supposed to be happy after spending my day with ag instead i cried and as the result my eyes are bapak bengkak today.No, i was happy yesterday but then at the end of the day i felt hollow and as a famous penangis i cried when he asked me what's wrong.what made things worst was he thought that he is the main caused why i felt that shitty.Nola baby, it wasn't you..it was..ermmm..me?cacat tak cacat?


And i am now weight 38 kg.Tadda!!!!I was supposed to be happy but when i looked at the mirror i felt ugly.Gemuk dan huduh.I mean, what's wrong with me? The other day kuman calculated my bmi, mine is 17..the normal bmi is 21,atleast.Hehehehe..well, the thing is..if i am under the par, why am i still not kurus?Ok.solve that later.

the new 38 kg chics

Nway, since i'm such a good gurl, I listened to my friends advice. I tried not to skip my meal anymore..but...there's a problem.Everytime i eat, i will automatically throw up.All the digested food will came out from me. I did not do that on purpose but they came out by themselves. I tried to control it but hehe..even eno wouldn't do the work.You know, if i keep on dong that, i might ended at the hospital.I think i'm bulimic.Help.


I think what chi and ag said it's true. I should not take things too seriously. I should lighten up a bit. I should treasure life. I should not think about those 'what if' thingy.


Tapi masalahnya, aku ini bapak paranoid.
Kontrol freak dan saiko.


Adakah aku perlu berjumpa psychiatrist?
Ok.Solve that.
13 menet dari sekarang.