The Shadow

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
- Iris, The Holiday


I love the movie.


I cried because I felt as if she just dived into me and said everything I had in mind.


Although I must say I wanted to add this phrase after the bold sentences
"And after thinking too much, you told yourself to hell with those bastards and you promise to take care of yourself. Hell yeah, you did until you didn't realised you are over protecting it till one day you realised you either can't feel anything or deprived"


I am still deprived.
I avoid talking about my personal life or another person in my life.


Some people said I am being unfair because that person is only like a shadow of me not something that described too significantly. No name, no face and sometimes forgotten.

I told them, I don't need to put any glaring lenses on him.
To me, he has a name, a face that I always remember even when both eyes closed and he exist, in me everywhere I go, whether or not people realised it whether or not people are looking.


There is no need to tell people about how perfect the life you are living in. How sweet the roses smells or even how tasty the chocolates taste like, now that you have him.
The only thing that matter is you know he exists and blooms.


Only you know that,you alone.


And that because of that shadow, little piece of your soul finally came back. And all those fuzzy stuff, those years of your life you wasted, are slowly fading.


Shadow or not, deprived or not, you know he knows that you know. And feel.


He, alone.





I don't have to explain but I already did. If you don't understand, it's ok.
I've tried.


Even it means stripping what I prefer to hide.