Road to Istan..eridification

As I was browsing my school yahoo group email, I realized how most of us decided to strengthen our wisdom by pursuing studies. Be it masters or phd.


Now, the fact that I only have a degree did make me puckered my brow sometimes. Despite being seen as a superficial person with a light meaning of life, I believe I worth more than that. Like everybody else I sought to broaden my horizon but the thing is, I am clueless when it comes to deciding what course to take. You see, my degree is in artificial intelligence [I was forced by the uni to take this course so please don't pretend to make that shock face :P] where we learned about fuzzy logics, neural networks and robotics. Had to sleep with lots of diagrams and calculations at night. It may didn't sound like me at all but actually I love it and it's supposed to be a secret :(. It is a course that fit my indolence. Not much things to be learn by rote just comprehend, twist your mind, think outside the box and wallah aced that paper.No memorizing what ever shit, just dive into the concept. Regardless of being reviled by some tutors and lecturers, I survived. But then, the dilemma transpired when Malaysia haven't got much to offer for this major which make me feel helpless. Thus working in a line that got nothing to relate with my expertise [as if! Hahaha]


I'm quite a practical person, I would never do something knowing I won't be using it later on. If I want to be engage again with learning, it got to be either these two things. One, something that I really enjoy such as journalism or something related to arts namely interior design or even performing arts. Second, something which is rare like network intelligent or something related to A.I. The problem would be..One, my parents wouldn't like it especially my dad. The second one, my dad would be so proud but there're not much course being offered locally meaning I have to go somewhere out of Malaysia. Going away even for certain period is not easy given that I have to leave my beloved behind. Hello, don't make that face but I am like that ok.Tsk..


Do I want to remain obtuse for the rest of my life? My heart says no. Even my mind say no. And I found it insufferable when people looked down on me for the way I bring my self. I hate it when people say that "Oh, you can always marry a rich guy and get whatever you want". Fuck youlah. Do I look like someone who goes after people money? If I do, I'll be singing along with Tom Ford and Bicardi in my hand by now. Can you just not be shallow and typical? Sheesh.


I want to do something in my life but looked like I'm only saying and not doing anything about it which is calamitous. So, for now I just keep those thoughts to myself. Reason being.. Have to think about lots of things, being alone in a strange place, leaving mom and ag behind, trying to make a living with insufficient fund [scary ok] and I am so sure I would extremely go over board when it comes to enjoying myself. Hehehe


So for now, just love me as I am.
Ok?