We went to visit Nikkit yesterday.Alhamdulillah her condition is much much more better.She can talk and smile eventhough she looked kinda weak. It must feel so good surrounded by your love ones, family and friends.7 of us came yesterday not including Aileeen and Sue who came earlier the evening.It's good to see everyone again even i see them everyweek.heheh
azam reply my email.A sad one.Urghh..i didn't know what to do,really.I asked nik's and Kat's opinion yesterday.They both said i should do what i think the best.I should not try to remember the past.Let the past be the past.That's true but it's the past who made me what i am today.Both my friend say i should consider my happiness rather feeling sorry for people.Uh,nevermind..the duration is still long.
sometimes i feel like giving up my life.It seems that everything evolving my life seems to hate me,everything seem so wrong.My relationship with my family is getting worst.My love life sucks.My study is totally a disaster the only thing that keep me going is my friends.During lonely night, i thought about several ways to commit suicide.Maybe i can gassed my self just like the chinese guy in the faculty did,i should go to sleep then and forever..Or maybe i should comsume large amount of pills but i hate to feel the pain later.Another alternative is to hire a killer to kill my self.Hmm..or i should cut my self and let me bleed to death.The easiet way is to jump from a high building,which i think i can do that since i always have a fetish to jump from high building.I know it's crazy but i keep thinking about it everynight.One of my friend also suffered from this syndrome but she's seeking help instead,for me i didn't feel like seeking help.I feel like just ending my life.Until today i still try to get a grip..just because i have wonderful friends to keep me up.But i wonder..during lonely night..when my friends are not here...what shall happen to me??
+love me or kill me+
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