Twenty five

Note:Post ini penuh dengan emosi dan kebosanan.Harap maklum


Today is 21 February 2005 and I turn 25 today. Funny, I don't feel 25 at all yet I feel I'm still 17. I'm still the old me. I still giggle at silly jokes, make faces at people remarks, weep on seeing stupid heartrending advertisements, still talking craps to strangers [and non-strangers,sorry guys] and still seek attention from individuals I love. I'm still like the immature 17 years old Sharina. I thought when I reach quarter of the century I would be someone more poise and someone who would have a grip on my own life. Still remember back then in 1997 sitting on Blok A common room during physical education period, waiting for makcik senah to come with her oh-so-famous-and-delicious nasi lemak, while waiting for my laundry [when actually was supposed to play basketball or pretend to do something during the PE period], talking to my mates, "You know, I swear to you guys that I will still remember this conversation even no matter how old I get". And yeah, I still can feel the feeling, still can hear the sweeping sound of the makciks and can still picture my friends face vividly. My emotion at this moment? I feel cheerless.


There's not much achievement of my life at this moment. I only have a degree which I think is a just a piece of shitty paper and people still hate me. To think about it again, I shouldn't feel miserable. I should feel thankful and contented. Gratified to God that I still can breathe to unfold all the mystery of life that yet is still undiscovered. Plus, there are few lessons that I learned along the way.


I learned that no matter how depraved you are, your family will always put up with you, not to mention, be by your side. I used to grow up hating the fact that my parents were so busy and couldn't care less about me. But now, I do realize, despite thousands of arguments I had with them, despite how insensitive they were, they love me unconditionally. There were times in life where I face difficulties and had no one to turn to, my family was the one who help me to stand still again. And my parents are the one who make me who I am today [ha!]. I would never ever turn my back on them.


The most painful feeling is getting your heart broken. I had my arm broken once. It was excruciating. I cried after seeing my bone dislocated, coming out from the elbow axis but the heartache of being broken hearted is unexplainable. Even when the tears dried up your heart is still bleeding, even it's 5 years later. I still remember my depression when I flunked my sodding prolog paper which I had to extend a semester just because of that one lousy paper but when I think of my past relationship it hurt thousand times more than that. I feel like there's thousand knives stabbing my heart. Ouch..It still hurt until this very moment.


Boyfriend comes and go but friends stay forever. One of the best lessons ever. No matter how far you go or no matter how rich you get, never ever put your friends behind. True friends will always stand beside you and will always be true to you. They will always tell you the truth even it is not what you want to hear. Boyfriend will always try to think of something nice to make you happy but friends will say things that they know will make you happy later on. It's like "Takdelah baby..bontot you normal je" compared to "Chics, aku rasa bontot kau makin besar, better kau pegi gym hari-hari" *frown*. To me, my STF sisters is the best ever. I love you guys!


Have faith in yourself. No matter how appalling the situation is never loose yourself. Believe that things happen for a reason and always look on the bright side no matter how ugly the situation is. Accept the fact that not everyone would like you for what you are, to whom who doesn't, sod them all. They don't deserve to be on your list anyway. You are the one who is responsible for every of your decision and for your own life. Don't let some insignificant person ruin it for you.Pegila mati orang lain kan.


Finally, I learned that the most powerful feeling is love and to be love. Like right now, my left hand is bluish and still soaked with blood, the result of getting bitten by one of my cats after I tried to save him from a catfight. Tanganku berlubang-lubang dan nampak sungguh suicidal, sungguh tak elok dan cacat.Baru kene inject dengan dokter tadik, sangatla sakit ok dan sekarang mmg takleh gerak lansung. I was supposed to cry coz it's really ugly and agonizing which I always do but when I heard my boyfriend sleepy voice saying "Ala, kesian baby..Sapu minyak gamat tau" last night I felt warm. So warm that it makes me smile when I was actually supposed to cry. That sentence is so simple but if it came from a person who you truly love, it can mean the whole world to you. Mungkin kalau ag tak angkat telefon pukul 1.30 pagi tadi, kucing itu iaitu Honey Star memang dah kaw-kaw dengan aku atau dengan ag-ag sekali dah kene.Hehehe.Main-main je by,jangan marah.I sayang you.Sangat lagi ok.


Ok, lari topik.I know.


Fine.We shall move on to the next topic then.It's time to make birthday wish [or should I say wishes?]. My wish for my 25 birthday is I wish that I would still have what I have today for the rest of my life.My family, my friends, my faith my baby,ag. Without you guys my life would be meaningless.


Ok.Time to blow the candle.I mean..Happy Birthday to me!!


I'm 25 today!!.*grin* +*frown*