Regards to you, my Ex-boyfriend,
I had a sleepless night last night. I can't help myself from thinking about what had happen between us.
I used to think what went wrong but now I succumbed to God's will that we were never meant to be. It's true that I'm the one who decided it's enough and we should go on our separate way but that doesn't mean that I'm happy and proud of it. I am not. My life was miserable and meaningless the day I walked away but I had to do that because both of us knew that there's no point continuing on the relationship. You didn't prove any point so I had to look for my own way. You used to be the only one in my heart. I swear to you that you are the only one even you always doubt my loyalty but hey, I'm a one-man girl. U treated me like princess like no one ever treated me before and made me so loved and at the point I believe that you were the one for me but yeah, God know better.
Even when we are not an item anymore, my mom can never forget you. To her you are like her other son. The one that she will always remember and wish that her only daughter will marry to, even until this point. I knew that she stills calls you and smsed you and she even wrote you letters. I know that even though she never admits it. That shows how much she loves you. So what your brother did to my mom yesterday was just unacceptable. How could he called her up and called her with nasty names? Did I ever called your mom "orang tua tak sedar diri" or "orang tua nak mampus" and other nasty names?.It broke her heart and made her cried.Did I ever do that to you? Did I ever did say mean things about your family regardless they disgraced me by saying that I'm not good enough for you? It's just not fair. She is my mother, the only mother I have in this world and she means the world to me! Despite many arguments I had with her, I still love her unconditionally. How would you feel if my brother calls your mom up and say nasty things to her? How would you feel? What had she did wrong to you? For all this while, she is the one who stood for you even I am her own daughter. Did you know that we fought just because of you? That she always tried to convinced me to forgive you? I tried to call you up so many times, demanding an explanation. I even smsed and leave a voice mail for you but why didn't you return my call?Why did you keep running away? I know that I'm not good enough for you and your family because the way I'm being brought up and because of the way I carry myself but at least I never say such words to elder people .Despite my blond a-like hair, my pierced nose and the undiscerning ways of my dressing sense. I still know my limit. I still know what is the meaning of respect.
If you are angry with me, talk to me. I'm the one that you should throw all those angriness to. Not my mother. Do you know that how you ruined my life? I had to change my job, my phone number and I'm moving out soon. I nearly went crazy because of you until I met a very wonderful guy. Such a special person who filled my days, and loves me in his unique way and thanks to him I manage to patch my life again.
Please, I'm begging you to leave my family alone. I am not going to say I'm sorry coz I'm not. We were supposed to get married this year and thank God it did not went that way or else how just can't imagine how should I live my life with someone who own a family who hate me so much. And thanks to you, I don't think I want to get married..ever. The pain is too much. I don't think I want to go through all those painful experience again.Please..Please stop hurting me..Please let me be happy. I can't take it anymore.It's enough!
I never say this to any one but I'm going to say this now .
I regret meeting you in my life.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
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