Erasing the past

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and erase something. When I was small, we had this neighbor named Cikgu Mariam. Her husband was a pengetua of a school nearby and she got two kids. The eldest is about my brother's age and the youngest is err..2 years younger than my brother.


Now, despite being the same age as my brother his ability was not as the same as the other boys his age. He is a bit mentally disabled. Not to say totally disable but yeah, he had to go to special class and his sister was sort of overweight. When he played with the rest of the neighbours which includes my brother he always get bullied. I mean, he's not as fast at the others and he took some time to get things done. Being kids, the rest would not give him special treatment. I mean, budak-budak, pedulik hapela diorangkan. Kalau kau lembap kau tinggalla. And on certain games which need them to choose players, he was unlikely to be chosen and budak-budak seboleh-bolehnya tanak geng dengan dia.


I didn't favour kids, even until today. When I went back to my grandma's house, my cousins would avoid me sebab ehe..aku garang. I don't like to entertain kids and please jangan memekak tepi telinga aku ok, komfem aku naik angin. Am not supposed to do that but hey, that's just me. So anyway, there were times when that boy was bullied and felt desperate that he shouted


"Kak Nina, tengokla aie ni! Dia tak bagi kita main"


I mean, that's a typical statement a kid could cry. Instead of asking my brother to let him play I just looked at him, annoyed. Ko bisingla. Dahla suara kau nyaring and he would go home crying while her sister will try to pujuk him and at the same time asked the other kids to let him play. I think the mother must felt sad, she often came outside and talked to the kids to at least treat her son nicely tapiiiiiiiiiiii katanya budak-budakkkkkk. I mean my parents do tell us it's not nice to treat him like that and ehe adik aku dulu selalu je kene pukul. Aku tak sebab aku kerempeng sangat. If they hit me, mungkin tulang-tulang akan bertaburan. Lama-lama the mother did not allow him to play outside anymore even he really wants to. Sometimes I would see his sad but putih-tepung-gomak-kono-bodak face from behind his house grill. And her sister, sitting nearby playing anak patung or whatever shit. Not to long after that, they move away and we never heard from them since.


I totally forget about the boy until last night when something triggered my mind. MTV got this one show called Can't Get A Date. I mean, obviously some of them are losers but the sad part is they don't know the fact that they are a bit weird and err..not welcome. They thought hey are normal and yeah was doing great but actually no girls wants to date them and that make take self esteem hit the bottom. I mean, it's the community who treated them bad just because, they don't fit in like the rest of us. So I was feeling sorry for those guys and then..I remember that boy.


And it hit me.


I wish I could undo things. Undo the sadness on his mom's face. Undo the sound of his crying but you see, there's no eraser in life. Things that happened in life can't be undo or reversed.


I wonder how he is doing now. He and his sister.


Maybe, if I happen to bump into him one day I will apologize ..or buy him lunch and be nice or whatever as long as he know that I am sorry for making his childhood a miserable experience.


If I don't have that chance, maybe I should be more patience towards kids and be nice to people who are different including orang yang jual kerepak or what ever it is dekat rumah even though the piss me off like only God knows how much.


Yeah, maybe I should think seriously about that.