go away

Do you know how does it feel to be suicidal? Let me tell you about it.

You feel like your life is empty, like there's no more joy and it's not worth living. When you sleep at night, you wish you would never open your eyes and when you wake up every morning, you can't see any ray or hear the bird singing. All you heard is noise.Noise.And noise. And you wish you could make whatever it is shut the fucking hell up.

Things that you care don't matter anymore. Even things that used to amuse you failed to cheer you up but..to the world you are smiling and maybe laughing.

I am having a nervous breakdown and I tried to give signal to those who I thought care but I think they misinterpreted me. They say I'm needy and I'm hard to please. The truth is I'm fucked up. I am lost and I need comfort. But maybe I'm giving the wrong signal too. You see maybe all they hear was yapping, yapping and yapping.Or barking, barking and barking. I bet you too did not get my signal.

All I need is someone to listen, to love me, to comfort me when I'm feeling downhearted.. especially really down. Why issit that they only understand me when my spirit is soaring? Why issit that when I'm deprived and lost and helpless and seeking comfort they said that I'm difficult and needy and so hard to please? Can they see that I just want to be and feel really loved? That I need support?

I am not ok. How can I be ok when I cry when I supposed to laugh, I choke when I'm supposed to swallow, I feel fat when I can feel my own bones, I am tired but I can't sleep? I don't know why the hell I am having this frightful feeling. I really want to know where this shit comes from and how can to make it go away. Say I'm mengada or what so ever fucking things u want to say.I dun fucking care.I dun even give a fuck on what you think about me.

Kenapa aku aje yang nak kene give give give and give. Kenapa aku aje yang nak kene paham orang, nak kene comfort orang?Kenapa macam tu? Tak boleh ke orang nak paham aku macamana? How I feel and what I want?

To whoever said the world does not revolve around me,fuck you too.

No.I don't want to talk about it. Go away.