Fucking moody

I am so fucking moody.


Because I don't have enough food, because I don't have enough shoes and because I have no supervisor for my thesis. And some other fuck up things that arise.


Kenapalah kau berenti Dr Murad oii?


After class ended, I have to wait for my transportation because the person who supposed to pick me up tertido. Yes, it's a small matter but when you are in a shitty condition, you will feel like blazing hot fire from your mouth.


So I had to wait at the tangga batu depan office and was imagining all sorts of thing that can reduce my kecipetan rasa when suddenly I feel like something menyondol-nyondol.


It was a cat. A white cat with a red eyes, an albino cat perhaps. The white fur was not so white and the tail was not so straight but her purr captured my heart. Under the florescent light, I could see that she had MJ looks, chubby paws and chubby face with cute nose. She keep shoving her face to my hand with her pur asking me to pet her.


And even after I did, she assured me it was not enough by rolling on the ground with another inviting gesture, for me to pet her.She keep doing that and slowly I feel less marah and 5 minutes before my transportation came, she walked away.


Leaving me alone again but with less anger.


While I am typing this, I am still moody.But if it wasn't for the cat, I might be moody and not talking a single word.


Trust me, you will hate me when that happens.

Terkench

Since I want to live a healthy[ehem] life, I started to drink 8 glasses of water everyday. Mind you, I don't really like to drink sebab aku malas nak pegi amik air haha but since my skin is having quite a bad dehydration, I have to beat sikap pemalasku itu.


But, yes there is a but ok. Meminum air dengan banyak adalah akan menyebabkan pengencingan setiap 15 atau 30 minit. Sebab you know, I think my pundi kencing is quite cute. Jadi, apabila asyik mengencing sahaja, adalah tertanya-tanya tujuan memakai seluar sebab letihla asyik nak kene bukak sluar plus there's no one here. But please ok, I adalah bukan flasher jadi no. I still wear my sluar.Betul ni.


Motif cakap macam ni? Nevermind.


Ok, so this one night we wanted to go to the other house to feed ubat to ah beng [dia sakit batu karang, nantilah crite ok] and it was raining. So you can imagine the menggelatuk-ness did dalam kereta and even it was already 8.00 pm, the jam was very bad. The traffic sangat sangat slow starting from avon till susur keluar cheras [this what was written on the itis board]. Bila dah hujan, mestilah sejuk, bila dah sejuk dan minum 8 gelas air, mestilah nak kencing kan?


Adakah terdapat tempat kenching di federal highway? Definitely not. The next stop was at one of the gas station wayyy after susur keluar ke cheras.


I had to tahan until my bulu bulu roma menaik tegas juga turut mengemut dengan sekuat yang boleh. Till the extent tak dapat kemut dah, tahan dengan kaki je. How to do that? I don't know how to tell you but I bet if you are in such condition you will manage. Ada juga terjeling botol mineral water disebelah but what the fuck, I can make it in a straight line plus, apa ko dah gile nak kencing masa jem semua kereta rapat merapati?


Then it strikes me, what iflah kan. Whitney Houstan datang Malaysia to jalan-jalan makan angin or maybe errm Jessica Alba. And tiba-tiba dia stuck dalam jem like me, what would they do? I don't think there's a toilet in the limo. Probably they have to kemut dengan sangat kuat juga.


Can u imagine stopping at the nearest petrol station to me when suddenly Jessica Alba/Whitney stand beside you dengan kaki terkepit kepit?


I can, while I was peeing at the petrol station that day.


Indahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Black is not the new red

I am having a nasty headache. Just because there were not enough lights.


In case you didn't know, I am the type of person who really feel sick and suffocated when there is not enough light provided. I will feel trapped and hence panicked, not to mention huge headache. Oh, I can also naik angin easily if you put me in a gloomy place. This is not club and disco we are talking about. Ofc ourse I can tolerate those places because the objective is to commit sin. Haha, commit sin memangla tempat gelap and you will be too busy getting drunk or swaying your hip to think straightly. No serious matter involved.


I switch on the light at home even it was only a tad cloudy and I don't like to sit in my room during dusk, because like I said they give me headache and make me want to scream.


Now today I went for a new career opportunity meet up at a noted institution. It was something, I thought because that place is not just a small place. So yeay.


But as I stepped to the building I could see everyone is wearing black. Okkk, perhaps it's their black day outfit but it gets weird when you walk through the corridor and realised you are the one and only who is wearing white, and brown pants with a killer looking brown shoes of course. And it gets weirder when you realised the whole building , the wall, the ceiling the chairs, the whatever you can see were black. Maybe to some of you it's cool but to me, it's suffocating.


Maybe it's me but some part of the building look unfinished umpama gelanggang futsal yang dibuat dari tinggalan kilang, or more or less looked like a factory that I used to work for. Ok maybe it's art and probably I am not some insan seni like some people who dengan bangganya mengaku they are.


So during the chit chat session I asked them why everything is black and they said oh it's their corporate colour and it is a must[!] for you to wear black everyday each and everytime you enter the premise. No other colours allowed, no others except black. Ok, now. I am chicsinred and I am supposed to wear red. As bimbo as that statement may sound, it is true. I love colours. I love wearing certain colour of baju according to my mood and this is not the fucking 90's for god sake. Black is not the new red ok.


Ok, at least I can force myself to wear black as if I am mourning my steps to work but sitting in a dark gloomy place for more than 3 hours is a big no no. I tried, today. I was placed in one of the room for more than 1 hour where everything was black and dim even when they were lights but it was not enough. If I did not think about ethics and such I probably had walk away while waiting for my name to be called.


The pay is quite good and they would like to meet up for a second time and sort of hinted they are interested but my headache is still not gone despite it was 8 hours ago.Maybe to some of you, it's a small matter but to me it is not because I can picture myself going gila and menjerit-jerit sambil berlari mencari cahaya matahari. Ibarat daun mencari cahaya untuk fotosintesis.


I know that place carry a big name with some branches around the world but I have to pass. How are you going to work when you don't think you can breath properly at the first place?


One think I don't get, how can black stimulate creativity, isn't it mundane and morbid rather than vibrating?

Superwoman melted

It is weird how you thought what a superwoman you used to be, you can stand on your own feet.


You can buy your own things.
You can get that cup of water yourself.
You can shop alone and eat at fancy restaurant alone.
You can even watch movies alone.
Or get lost in the middle of nowhere alone.


And you are quite sure, things will stay the same. Why would you lean and depend on someone else when you know the only person who is capable to take care of your heart and mostly yourself, is you.


Well, at least that's what you promised yourself.


But now, when you met him, you realised, life would be topsy turvy if he is not around. Slowly u begins to lose your power. You can't shop alone that much anymore, you think of other person rather than yoursuperheroic self before you to sleep at night and worst, you wait for him to get things done.


It is something enjoyable but after washing your face in the morning when reality strike you, you feel disgusted and alarmed.


I am turning into someone else, you said. I am turning into someone I use to loathe.

Tick tock, the clock ticks and your power is running down.
Melt..ing.


Now tell me, what is this superwoman supposed to do?

Ada ular di skolah?

It was 1996, the honeymoon year they said. So we the honeymooners spent our days with joy. Plus, it was the eve of April the first.


Now, when you were stranded in a place full of bore where you have to creep and hide to watch MTV at 3 am in the morning, pulling a prank is a must when it comes to April the first.


Before the prep ended, tini and me made our way back to our beloved block, Block B, the red. We were discussing about what should be do tonight as a revenge to those who always made us gritted our teeth or leashed our acid tongues. No, going in from the front door is not a good idea since Block B is also where the warden sat and pretended to be busy. We don't want to get caught.


So we used the other door instead. The door that leads to old furnitures especially old lockers and cupboards. As tini tried to speaking as not loud as she can despite the fact she may had swallowed multiple microphone when she was small, I told her to shush.And pointed at something in front of us. We were already inside the red block that time, walking along the old cupboards.


We both stunt. I gripped her hand because I was terrified.


It was a snake. A big fat batik phyton.

Big fat batik phyton

Unexpectedly she said "Ular!!" and pointed at the slimy animals who was that time gliding on the cement.


I can't remember what exactly happen after that, it's either:-


a) We run back come back to check whether the ular was still there. But only to find it's gone.


or


b) We stood there because somehow we just can't run but after few seconds somehow the ular vanished from our vision.


The bottom line is, it's gone. And only the two of us saw it.


That's not the end of the story. Not yet. I know you have few more minutes to spare :P


Few days after that, tini came to me and told me she got kayap. And it's kayap ular. Kayap is penyakit related to the nerves despite some sayings it is related to the skin disease. No, it's not. Kayap = kurap is wrong. She was allowed to go back to Terengganu to get it cured.


And after that we we told, that night ular incident might also contribute to her kayap. I know it sounded stupid but hey, we need some thing to spice out our life so we embraced that news with awe.


Now, when I think of it, whether or not the phyton gave tini her kayap ular but the existence of the phyton itself makes me wonder. Was it a real snake?


I mean, I know the red block is big but if there was a real snake, surely someone else would find it. I never heard anyone saying they saw a big phyton before or even after the incident. If the snake was real, surely it will come out to hunt for food or perhaps there will be some old skin lying around.


No. Nothing.


Perhaps what we saw that day was not a phyton or.. I don't know.
I don't want to know.


But nothing beat the story of hantu mengosok gigi. I still have the chill everytime someone remind me of that story.


Do you know that story?