Hohohoho

Merry X'mas to all my friends who celebrate christmas..I went back yesterday since it was a holiday..got nuthing to do beside cooking and sleeping with mum..Dad was not home..mom siad he went to work..ehe..what the hell was he doing working on every public holiday?erm..whatever..

i was so damned bored..and so i called my ex since i missed him so much but then i regret it.I missed him lately and i just can't get him out of my head.Even when my bf is around i still keep thinking about him.Somehow my bf knew that he failed to get a grip at my heart and i know he was upset.So i called my ex hoping it can cured my thought to him but instead we when around and around at old things..things that can make me mad..And it make me realize that I AM MISSING A PERSON WHO IS NOT THERE..not even close..i missed the old raja muazam shah who i used to fall in love with..the one with respect to people and full of love..not hatred and big ego like a man he is now..Maybe when u reach a certain point in your life,when u have a good job, a good pay and gain people respect it will change u.that's what happen to him.Money and power changed him completely.It hurted me a lot..i admit i still love him and missed him but hearing he say such undiscerning words about me and my life..couldn't stop my tears from flowing down.I should listen to my bf at the first place..I should not call him anymore or even think about him..and maybe still keeping in touch with him as a good friend is a very bad idea after all..I should perish him like i buried my other exes even i love him the most..

I know it is quite impossible but hey, a girl gotto do what a girl gotto do.My happiness does not only lie in being with him..he is not the only person who loves me as i do but i also have a loving boyfriend now and sadly..i didn't return his love back as the way he did to me..I mistreated him just because some guy who i used to adore.

MY ex..u might be happy to hear that i cried yesterday..
u might be happy thinking that u hurted me back..
nevermind to that..
maybe i desrved to be treated that way..
but next time..please dun call me anymore
coz it only make me bleed more..

"Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby


And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight"

Today..i feel refreshed..i won't lie saying that id din't even think a bit about my ex..but whenever my mind start to flicker around him..i will quickly divert it over..to something else..
maybe that's the way..


+One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time+